Why do I always leave everything last?

[SelmaJezkova10]

I've been trying to give myself some recovery time, I was thinking about looking for a job and leaving, maybe working hard and get a college degree. But damn, it's hard.

I have to start with the basics like getting up early, cleaning daily, tidying up after doing something, and stopping procrastinating.

I've been saying that for weeks, and I can't even get up early, I always get up late and still feel tired without wanting to do anything. I hate when I feel like crying because after doing it, I feel like shit and I stop seeing meaning in everything I do. We are all going to die anyway. And I wonder and I wonder, why don't I commit suicide already? Do it now, do it now. I don't understand it, I don't understand anything.

Sorry you have to read all this shit, I just wanted to vent.

 

[timf]

Sometimes one can fail to be inspired by lofty goals that seem too distant or abstract. Even the goal of getting up early can be insufficient to overcome the comfort of sleeping a little longer. It can be helpful to incentivize yourself to help make a goal a little more attractive. Consider giving yourself some buttered toast with sugar and cinnamon if you get up early.

Small things like this can seem a little silly, but they can give you an edge in regaining control of you life.

 

[WornOutLife]

The answer to be able to do all that is something you mentioned: do the basic stuff such as taking a shower and getting up early everyday.

I was a NEET for 3 years and always procrastinated until once day I finally said "Hey, I don't have the guts to ctb for now so, will I just spend the rest of my days in a bed crying and being an isolated loser?"
Then, I started going to bed more early and was able to wake up in the morning. Some days I failed. You know, creating a new habit takes at least 3 weeks.
After many ups and downs, I managed to add some "responsible" things to do to my life such as taking a shower every morning, study japanese at least for an 1 hour each day, go for a 15 min walk, etc.

Now, I'm finally working and really studying Japanese.

Yet, I will ctb before my 40s because I'm suicidal and will always be. It's just part of me.

Anyway, hope you can sort this out and enjoy life because in spite of being mostly suffering, we can all have some nice moments from time to time.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know how hard life is when you feel like this, you want to do things but you lack the energy. I can relate. I feel tired all the time and I see existing as pointless. I think doing very small tasks is the best way to move forward really and then build up to bigger goals.