Venting Why can't I get the courage to do it?

[Largeletters]

I have so many reasons to die more than reasons to live. Why can't I do it?

I don't want to be here anymore. Each day everything just gets worse.

 

[Celerity]

Survival instinct is a bitch. I don't know how I'll develop the nerve when it comes right down to it. All I need is a half second window to pull the trigger.

 

[Largeletters]

Survival instinct is a bitch. I don't know how I'll develop the nerve when it comes right down to it. All I need is a half second window to pull the trigger.

Survival instinct is a huge bitch, you're right... I'm sorry you're going through this too.

 

[Celerity]

Survival instinct is a huge bitch, you're right... I'm sorry you're going through this too.

I wish it hadn't come to this for either of us, but it looks like life is just going to be more of the same. I've had 16 years to get it right. Looks like little 12 year old me called it.

I'n so worthless to everybody besides my parents. I don't see the point in continuing with this farce.

 

[Largeletters]

I wish it hadn't come to this for either of us, but it looks like life is just going to be more of the same. I've had 16 years to get it right. Looks like little 12 year old me called it.

I'n so worthless to everybody besides my parents. I don't see the point in continuing with this farce.

I'm very sorry you have struggled with it since such a young age... my first attempt was at age 10, so I somewhat relate to your pain. I hope we can both find peace.

 

[WornOutLife]

Because it seems our bodies are programmed to live even though our minds want to die once and for all.
CTB ain't easy at all.

Whatever happens, wish you lots of love and peace.

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[tryingtoescape]

This is so frustrating, you're definitely not alone.

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel the same way, it is really hard to take our own lives. As well as the SI getting in the way, for me it's the fact that methods can easily go wrong and I can end up with damage. We shouldn't be forced to suffer, I wish there was a peaceful way out if we wanted one.

 

[Largeletters]

I feel the same way, it is really hard to take our own lives. As well as the SI getting in the way, for me it's the fact that methods can easily go wrong and I can end up with damage. We shouldn't be forced to suffer, I wish there was a peaceful way out if we wanted one.

Exactly... what stops me so much is the potential of brain damage, becoming paralyzed, etc. I wish there was an instant, death-affirming way. Sending love your way...

Because it seems our bodies are programmed to live even though our minds want to die once and for all.
CTB ain't easy at all.

Whatever happens, wish you lots of love and peace.

Hugs and love,

Matt

I agree with you on that one... sending love your way

 

[NormaJeane]

I have so many reasons to die more than reasons to live. Why can't I do it?

I don't want to be here anymore. Each day everything just gets worse.

There is almost always some doubt whether one should live another day or not. Life is too long and life expectancy is too high in most countries, that is the problem. It is very hard to kill yourself and it is difficult to find peaceful suicide methods. We should all have the help of a doctor when we die.

 

[hermes]

I have so many reasons to die more than reasons to live. Why can't I do it?

I don't want to be here anymore. Each day everything just gets worse.

three reasons at play here
1)survival instinct 2)fear of the unknown after death 3) fear of failure at CTB attempt.

1)All animals/insects/humans are all programmed to survive. instinct is to survive.
2)also fear of the unknown. what happens after one goes. do we know for sure life after death is better than what we have now? we dont know.
3)also nobody knows of one's CTB attempt will succeed. one doesnt want to end up as a vegetable

 

[Largeletters]

There is almost always some doubt whether one should live another day or not. Life is too long and life expectancy is too high in most countries, that is the problem. It is very hard to kill yourself and it is difficult to find peaceful suicide methods. We should all have the help of a doctor when we die.

Very well said

three reasons at play here
1)survival instinct 2)fear of the unknown after death 3) fear of failure at CTB attempt.

1)All animals/insects/humans are all programmed to survive. instinct is to survive.
2)also fear of the unknown. what happens after one goes. do we know for sure life after death is better than what we have now? we dont know.
3)also nobody knows of one's CTB attempt will succeed. one doesnt want to end up as a vegetable

Very true, unfortunately.

 

[DemonicAngel]

It's not always easy even if you have a sure peaceful method. I have the best one and I'm still too scared. It sucks because I REALLY need to do it. I worry about my cat and everything else. I need to get the guts to just do it.

 

[Largeletters]

It's not always easy even if you have a sure peaceful method. I have the best one and I'm still too scared. It sucks because I REALLY need to do it. I worry about my cat and everything else. I need to get the guts to just do it.

I am sorry you feel this way... in whatever way works for you, I hope you can find your peace.

 

[hopeisgone]

I was going to post a new thread but then saw this one!

Well, here I am again after a couple months away. I thought things were getting better, but I should have known that is not possible for me, or would only last a couple months. I am back where I started.

I want to ctb so bad. I have N. I have the gold fucking standard. I am so depressed that it physically hurts, but I can't bring myself to do it. WHY????
Why do I care what people will think/feel, I'll be gone! Everything inside me tells me my life will never improve, or it will only be for fleeting moments. The thought of continuing to live like this for another 30-40 years is unbearable. Then WHY THE FUCK can't I do it?!??! SI?? Other people overcome it so why can't i??? What the hell needs to happen, how much worse does my life have to get before I can finally "pull the trigger"? I'm even a failure at ctb ffs!!

It makes me so frustrated and angry at myself that I can't even do the one thing that will end my suffering. Here I am complaining about my life and I don't even have the guts to end it. Pathetic..! Can't even pinpoint what is stopping me!

Just needed to rant and this is the only place I can. Sorry and thanks.

 

[deepinlimbo]

We could ask those who did it? Maybe a seance, jokes aside though. They obviously found it. I think when the time is right. Method, location, desperation or perhaps acceptance.

for me it's just the method. I don't have what I need. But maybe if I did I might still be hesitant. I like to think I won't though. I've endured enough

 

[logan]

I was going to post a new thread but then saw this one!

Well, here I am again after a couple months away. I thought things were getting better, but I should have known that is not possible for me, or would only last a couple months. I am back where I started.

I want to ctb so bad. I have N. I have the gold fucking standard. I am so depressed that it physically hurts, but I can't bring myself to do it. WHY????
Why do I care what people will think/feel, I'll be gone! Everything inside me tells me my life will never improve, or it will only be for fleeting moments. The thought of continuing to live like this for another 30-40 years is unbearable. Then WHY THE FUCK can't I do it?!??! SI?? Other people overcome it so why can't i??? What the hell needs to happen, how much worse does my life have to get before I can finally "pull the trigger"? I'm even a failure at ctb ffs!!

It makes me so frustrated and angry at myself that I can't even do the one thing that will end my suffering. Here I am complaining about my life and I don't even have the guts to end it. Pathetic..! Can't even pinpoint what is stopping me!

Just needed to rant and this is the only place I can. Sorry and thanks.

Maybe deep inside you there is still hope or the desire to live.
You have the possibility to leave at any time. Maybe this will help you to be a little more relaxed.

 

[Largeletters]

I was going to post a new thread but then saw this one!

Well, here I am again after a couple months away. I thought things were getting better, but I should have known that is not possible for me, or would only last a couple months. I am back where I started.

I want to ctb so bad. I have N. I have the gold fucking standard. I am so depressed that it physically hurts, but I can't bring myself to do it. WHY????
Why do I care what people will think/feel, I'll be gone! Everything inside me tells me my life will never improve, or it will only be for fleeting moments. The thought of continuing to live like this for another 30-40 years is unbearable. Then WHY THE FUCK can't I do it?!??! SI?? Other people overcome it so why can't i??? What the hell needs to happen, how much worse does my life have to get before I can finally "pull the trigger"? I'm even a failure at ctb ffs!!

It makes me so frustrated and angry at myself that I can't even do the one thing that will end my suffering. Here I am complaining about my life and I don't even have the guts to end it. Pathetic..! Can't even pinpoint what is stopping me!

Just needed to rant and this is the only place I can. Sorry and thanks.

Don't be sorry, that's what SS is here for... I'm sorry you're going through all of this, it is definitely relatable. I hope you can find peace.