Why am I not dead?

[Sleepdrifter]

For the last 15 years, and especially the last 5, I have been drowning myself in alcohol. This is not a few beers here and there kind of drinking, it is straight up crates of beer drinking, followed by bottles of spirits, again again and again night after night to the point it makes no sense to be alive.

I take regular breaks but hit it so hard. Lager, vodka, wine, rum, by the end it's like a whole party camped out in one room. No it's just one person.

So tell me world. When everyone else my age group died by vehicle accidents, cancer, suicide, drugs, or some other ridiculous bullshit. When I don't even care about being alive. What is keeping me alive? How am I still alive?

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

Your heart and brain still work.

A lot of it's just based on luck though your habits must have taken a toll on your liver so maybe that'll do you in.

 

[Sleepdrifter]

though your habits must have taken a toll on your liver so maybe that'll do you in.

That would seem reasonable except I almost destroyed it along with my kidneys in my last overdose attempt. If it was going to be a case of it failing, it would be then. I can't even get weak or overweight. My body lives in spite.

 

[CandyK__]

"Life's a bitch" It keeps you when you want to go.

 

[melancholy&somejoy]

Death will come one day when all the consequences start piling up…

 

[TiredKraut]

As if it was that easy...
I've been smoking heavily in bad ventilated, small rooms for about 25 years now and still no cancer in sight.
All it did was make me breath heavily with every physical exercise.
Also drank quite a lot of whiskey and beer for a while but mostly quit it by now. I don't think that losing the last bit of left over brainpower will do me any good.

 

[iwanttobedead]

@CandyK__ happy sugar life <3

 

[Sleepdrifter]

As if it was that easy...
I've been smoking heavily in bad ventilated, small rooms for about 25 years now and still no cancer in sight.
All it did was make me breath heavily with every physical exercise.
Also drank quite a lot of whiskey and beer for a while but mostly quit it by now. I don't think that losing the last bit of left over brainpower will do me any good.

Yeah one of my older relatives smoked heavily until almost 100. And one of my old schoolfriends died in their early 30s from throat cancer despite being a lifelong non-smoker. Life is strange.

Alcohol definitely affects your IQ. I cannot think or problem solve as easily. In other ways I'm still ok though. But it feels like my mind has missing gaps in places. You learn to live with it.

My diet is very healthy. For instance my breakfast today was eggs, tomatoes, spinach and leek on wholemeal bread with orange juice, and cucumber tea. Later, baked chicken, potatoes and carrots followed by greek yogurt and strawberries. I'd be a health freak if not for waking up every three days under a pile of beer cans with a hangover.