Who lost a loved one to suicide / how has it affected you?

[rhiino]

Hi there,

I am curious about those questions:

Who has lost a loved one to suicide or knows somebody who did?
How has it affected you or the person you know?
How long ago did it happen and what are your feelings towards it now?

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I can't speak much for the effects since this happened when I was young and wasn't with someone I know very well. What I do know is that a close friend of my mother's had her husband commit suicide. My understanding is that it was a hanging in their house; his wife arrived home one day to find him hanging and was too late to do anything about it. This was probably around 10 years ago. I didn't know what had happened really at the time. I knew the guy had died but my parents didn't explain until later that it was a suicide. As you can imagine his wife and young daughter were devastated. They are recovering from it all now, but it was not easy for them.

 

[Isadeth]

I've lost a few.

First was a cousin I was close to. He ctb via gun. He had just had a daughter and the family was devastated. I was sad for a while, I missed talking on the phone with him. It happened in 2002 I believe. I still feel bad for him but I think it was for the best. I didn't know it at the time but he had a sexual attraction towards children. I believe he shot himself to protect his daughter.

Second was a female cousin. She hung herself by her ceiling fan after boarding up her apartment. It was the end of August and the temperatures were average 90°. She was there for a week before she was found. I was sad for her, but I only met her a few times. This was in 2007. I don't usually think about her often unless I read of someone using the same method.

Third was a friend. He suffered intractable headaches and shot himself. That one hurt. I watched his children for a few days and bought them funeral attire. Then cleaned their toys from his brain matter and blood. This was 2016. I still think of him and I'm sad for his children but I'm glad his pain is over.

Most recently, my fil ctb unexpectedly. It was the day the government shut down with the stay at home order for coronavirus. Last he told us was he was going to stay in his home for awhile. We didn't hear from him, and when my husband's birthday came and went without hearing from him we knew something was wrong. We were told he hadn't been online in 2 weeks, so we knew. He slit his wrists and was badly decomposed when we found him. I cried many times with guilt and jealousy. It hasn't been long since he passed, about 4 months, and I could just shake him for not talking to us. Not that it would have made a difference, but a proper goodbye would have been nice. The feelings regarding him are still all over the place.

That's just my own view on them and how it has affected me... but my children are negatively affected and my husband has horrific panic attacks on and off from flash backs of finding his father in that state. I'm angry with him, not for ctb, but for us finding him the way we did.

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

I've had an ex girlfriend hang herself. We were still friends at the time. I had no idea she suffered from depression. She never said anything and it was sudden. The other person was my ex's mom. And she shot herself. I was pretty close to her since I grew up wit the family and she was like an "aunt" to me. I've also had my uncle (by marriage) have his dad and brother both die from suicide. I only know the brother died from slitting his wrists. Honestly, I'm just jealous that they all had the balls to do it.

 

[Redpanda18]

My dad ctb in 2014. It was devastating and led to pretty bad PTSD symptoms. It still feels very much like he left me, which I know it isn't the case. The feeling of being abandoned is hard to shake.

With all of this said, I often feel like it's a option for myself too. I have seen and felt personally how devastating it is for a family member to take their life, but I think about it often myself. It just really feels like 2 separate topics in my head, knowing the grief it causes doesnt stop considering ctb myself.

I could write pages about the grief of losing someone to suicide, but I don't think it's helpful on this forum.

 

[SSlostallhope]

I have lost a few friends to suicide, I mainly understand why for them. Except 1. Was really unexpected and it hit me hard

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

Wow I'm

My dad ctb in 2014. It was devastating and led to pretty bad PTSD symptoms. It still feels very much like he left me, which I know it isn't the case. The feeling of being abandoned is hard to shake.

With all of this said, I often feel like it's a option for myself too. I have seen and felt personally how devastating it is for a family member to take their life, but I think about it often myself. It just really feels like 2 separate topics in my head, knowing the grief it causes doesnt stop considering ctb myself.

I could write pages about the grief of losing someone to suicide, but I don't think it's helpful on this forum.

wow I'm so sorry. How is your mom handling everything?

 

[Redpanda18]

Wow I'm

wow I'm so sorry. How is your mom handling everything?

He was so sick for so long mentally, he really started to crumble in the late 90s. She cared for him for years prior to his death, so no one was really shocked (he had attempted a few times before). I think she mourns the man she married, but he had been gone for a long time once his depression really took hold. If I could magically give her a better life with a different family, I would. She deserves so much more.

 

[rhiino]

@Redpanda18
I am really sorry for you and your family. I lost an uncle to suicide myself. I was not close to him but saw the pain it caused for my grandma and father.

 

[Redpanda18]

@Redpanda18
I am really sorry for you and your family. I lost an uncle to suicide myself. I was not close to him but saw the pain it caused for my grandma and father.

Definitely a complicated topic. Glad to be on this forum to discuss with others who struggle

 

[Daisyberko]

I lost my best friend -dad- 3 years ago and I wanted to die. I tried for the first 2 years and now am covered in scars... it ruined my little sister and mom though too in different ways.

 

[person123]

I envy those, who managed to commit suicide.

 

[rhiino]

Bump

 

[Joey]

I've lost my Mom when I was only 8 years old. It's sad that she was only in my life for a very short time and it just makes me think on what could've been.

 

[rhiino]

@JoeeWasHere
I am sorry that you lost your mom, especially that early. It must have been very tough.

 

[Breadbfra]

My girlfriend's mother hung herself two years ago. One of my mother's employees had her father shot himself in their house in 2008 or something. She never recovered, she's 35 but she acts like her life stopped when she was 18.
My girlfriend recovered pretty well but I still see her drinking everyday, not su much but relevant. Me ctb-ing would definitely destroy her forever.