Who else wants to live but the only path is ctb?

[LifeSucks39]

Who else feels like ctb is the only path?

 

[Kaugummi]

Guilty

 

[Dima2]

I really love life i want to live i want to laugh to see sunsets , i wish life didn't end up this way ..

 

[inactive]

Me. Made a post about it yesterday or maybe the day before. It's a torturous feeling.

 

[Fedrea]

Who else feels like ctb is the only path?

I really do. I so wish I'd have different luck.

 

[LifeSucks39]

I really do. I so wish I'd have different luck.

Me too

 

[catsarecool]

Kinda. At this point I don't really feel like I want to live, it's easier to just be apathetic towards life or it'll just hurt more. Sometimes I feel happy but it's almost bittersweet as I know it won't last and everything will be over soon anyways.

I wish I could be happy. I wish I could wake up and feel okay. I wish I could be at peace with the things that happened to me. I wish I could get rid of my pain without making my loved ones shoulder it instead.

 

[nerve]

This is where I'm at too.

There are lots of things I want to see or do and plenty that I like about life. Everything in between hurts so much though, like I'm just not equipped to deal with life without being miserable.

I want to want it a lot more than I actually do. Its a struggle to convince myself that I still care enough or that it's even possible for me to build some kind of life that I don't also hate. They seem mutually exclusive.

 

[TAW122]

I have more or less given up since the end of 2019 and more so after evaluating what is to come in the future. I do believe that my ultimate path is CTB and even during the better times, I have only decided to put off the bus, but the bus is an inevitable path for me. This is because no matter what, ultimately - life itself is the problem. We only have copes and distractions but they only do so much, and I'm tired of coping, distracting, postponing, and I am going to get on the bus on my terms.

 

[Superdeterminist]

Yes. For me to desire life would require so many drastic changes, even to the nature of reality itself. It quickly approaches impossibility, so the only reasonable option is to get out of here.

 

[TrappedSoulhere]

I'm just a waste of space and resources.

 

[bigdog]

+

 

[Eternity]

Yes. Love my friends & family. Sometimes I've good days with fun. I would like a regular life and be satisfied with it. Unfortunately, I'm almost my entire life suicidal (which increased the past years) and I'm just done. I'm too exhausted, I just can't do it anymore much longer. Even grocery shopping or going to the pharmacy for meds feels like a marathon each day.

 

[TheAntidote87]

Yes, I love life so much and I want to live so badly..so much so that my current life is torture. I was in an accident and I basically homebound- watching through the looking glass while everyone else lives their lives. 3 months ago I was careless and loving every minute on this earth. My entire being was shattered in an instant.

 

[XYZ]

Man I wanna live so much!!!!! I wish I could start all over again, or at least go back a coupla years to right some wrongs. Ain't nothing I can do about that now tho. Too late to save myself from. I am trapped in a maze of hate. The green exist sign will show itself only when my heart stops beating.

 

[Sensei]

Yes. There's still much I want to experience. I really wish that my life will turn to the better so I don't have to consider suicide anymore. However, I estimate my odds to be 1:5, at best; they are probably closer to 1:10. But who knows?

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Me! I actually really want to live. I feel forced to ctb because of bad life circumstances. For me if I could just obtain a good quality of life I'll definitely live and ctb later after my mom passes but if I can't get anywhere and life keeps on like it has ctb is the only way. I just cannot accept my life circumstances. I want to live but not like this.

 

[fraser]

I do, I just wont get the career I want which will provide and good lifestyle for a family I want in the future.

 

[I screwed up]

Man I wanna live so much!!!!! I wish I could start all over again, or at least go back a coupla years to right some wrongs. Ain't nothing I can do about that now tho. Too late to save myself from. I am trapped in a maze of hate. The green exist sign will show itself only when my heart stops beating.

Exactly my thoughts, have dug myself a deep hole that I can't get out of. Only if I could press the reset button

 

[AwokenToReality]

Exactly my view. I want to live, I want the experiences of life, I want to find happiness. But I can't see that happening. I've burnt all the bridges that could have gotten me there, and it's now too late to turn back and try to repair those. Like above said, I wish there was a reset button, where I could go back and change decisions that have lead me to my current position.

 

[LifeSucks39]

Exactly my view. I want to live, I want the experiences of life, I want to find happiness. But I can't see that happening. I've burnt all the bridges that could have gotten me there, and it's now too late to turn back and try to repair those. Like above said, I wish there was a reset button, where I could go back and change decisions that have lead me to my current position.

Agreed

 

[Meditation guide]

Who else feels like ctb is the only path?

I would love to be healthy enough to enjoy a few things in life at least but that unfortunately is not the case. I can't even drink coffee any more due to stomach issues. That was the last bit of enjoyment I had.

 

[TheAntidote87]

I would love to be healthy enough to enjoy a few things in life at least but that unfortunately is not the case. I can't even drink coffee any more due to stomach issues. That was the last bit of enjoyment I had.

Same here. I was in an accident and all my dreams were shattered on that day. I want to live, but don't see how I'll ever get back what I lost and worked so hard for. I hope you are able to enjoy some things again and make it back.

 

[Nymph]

Well I know no matter what I'll do my life will end with suicide. It just depends how long I can go but I'm giving it like 10 years idk cause my bunny is pretty young. When he goes I'll probably go too

 

[InaccessibleHour]

Me.

Really the only thing wrong with my life is my OCD, if it weren't for that I wouldn't be considering this as an option.

I know some OCD is curable but with my specific version which I don't feel comfortable sharing the details of, I don't know if it's something fully curable by means other than death. I know it can be better than what it is now since I've been in a better spot with it for a year or so before these past few months, but that might have been due to different life circumstances.

I kinda feel like having something as a fully reliable back up plan and if things go fully sideways I could use that. Unfortunately I currently have no access to any such method (SN would be a dream come true) as it'd be incredibly difficult to buy myself and it would just look suspicious overall. It's not like I want to CTB immediately but there are certain circumstances that would make me do it, that have somewhat of a high likelihood of occurring soooo......

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I certainly do. My main issue is that I am not really confident in my ability to really do anything. I don't think I can finish education, have friends, get relationships or learn hobbies. It's upsetting but I don't think I could cope even if I really wanted to.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Time and getting a success in something will cure that hopefully. It's not unusual to feel that way until you get older and have something to be proud of doing.

true, though at this point my self esteem and enjoyment of life are both so low that getting older seems like a fantasy rather than a thing that can actually happen.

 

[SodaBaconWeed]

This capitalist system has dealt me the inevitable burden of homelessness. Otherwise I would be fine with life of TV, cigs, and a pet for emotional support. All of which I won't have one day when shit hits the fan and my parents pass away.

so yes I want to live but homelessness makes me want to abort out of this life all the time.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I don't want to sound cocky, but I was doing a really good job up until last summer. I could've done great things. I wish that was still my path. I could've made a lot of people's lives just a bit better, and probably could've done it for forty more years. That would've been worth staying alive for.

That future is gone now. I'm not much use to the world and the world is not much use to me. Ctb it is.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Yeah, that's me. I suppose I literally don't need to exactly, but I'd have to accept that my quality of life is going to be poor from here on out and it will only get worse with time. Considering what I would have to live with, it didn't take much thinking to come to the conclusion that It's not worth it. I often think about what I'd be doing right now if I were not trapped in this predicament. Kind of like living the rest of my life in my mind on fast-foward because I won't be able to do it in reality. I really want to live, but not like this... Not like this...