Who else fantasizes about having terminal illness?

[Perpetually99]

I want to be gone, the right way. With family by my side. And a proper funeral, without all the stigma attached with a suicide. I am willing to suffer with a terminal illness, just as long as I can have my final days be with closure.

Never did I think that getting cancer can sound so appealing.

 

[Tackingintothewind]

I dreamt about it once, a month before my first attempt.

 

[Zzzzz]

Sometimes I do. At least with cancer we might actually have the option of a humane death, rather than gunshot to the head.

 

[DarkWolf]

I feel like that would just be more pain. I'd prefer something quick and sudden like a heart attack or car crash. I want to die by accident. I don't want the stigma or judgement of having to ctb.

 

[creep]

Yes, every day.

Compared to suicide:
- you don't have to deal with people trying to stop you
- no trauma and guilt for friends
- no survival instinct

... Time to push the odds?

 

[Isisnefert]

I really thought about It, dying from illness makes you a hero, but dying from ctb makes you a criminal

 

[LifeQuitter2018]

I often wish for a sudden cardiac death.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I think about this quite a lot too, as guilty as it makes me feel. I'd rather have something terminal than what I have to deal with, which is incurable and will plague me the rest of my life, yet won't kill me.

I have seen some people with terminal diseases endure horrific treatments like chemotherapy just to potentially extend their lifespan a few months-years. I have always wished that I could take a walk through their minds and understand what compels them to cling to life with so much fervor and conviction.

The things that people will endure in spite of knowing that they don't have long left makes me feel as if I am weak, because I don't want to go on anymore. I wish that chronic fatigue syndrome and IBS and all my other health issues would kill me, so I don't have to face the stigma and shame of ctb.

I hate that when I die people will misinterpret what I believe, how I think, how I feel, in order to push a suicide prevention agenda. Yet, if I died of natural causes, none of this would happen.

 

[FarAcrossTheWater]

One of my professors in college claimed that depression is worse than cancer because depression robs you of joy. With terminal illness, we will still at least feel pleasure.

 

[WornOutLife]

I've always fantasized about it! To make matters worse, last year I got covid but only had a fever for some days.

Still, it seems my stomach is fucked up. I thought I was gonna die today. Gonna post a thread about it lol

 

[Some1's_Wasted_Fetus]

I fantasized about getting some mutated extremely virulent strain of COVID that would put me in the ICU and rapidly kill me in a few days. Seems it only happens to people who don't want it though. I'm like, Immune system, can you not work this time or do some strange shit to make the virus kill me???

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

I have a chronic illness with no cure but it's not going to kill me. And it's horrible to live with this, it's a brain injury. I hope I just had cancer or something that would kill me. People would be much more empathetic, I could feel pleasure (brain injury doesn't let me) and I would be able to die from it. If I kill myself people are just going to see me as crazy.

 

[Cuppatea856]

I have to admit, yesterday I coughed up some mucus with a small amount of blood in it. I thought "good, now it'll be over with, soon." But then it occurred to me that my family would pressure me to stay alive, no matter what. Which then made me decide to avoid going to the doctor to see what the issue is. Idk, I don't want to suffer with a terminal physical illness, but I'm already suffering so much with a lifelong mental illness (bipolar disorder).

 

[watchingthewheels]

Yeah, I always considered it as an opportunity to have an "out." When I was scanned for a kidney stone blockage in 2019, they detained me and amost admitted me then and there because my kidney was swollen. But even more than that, in the process of the scan, they spotted a tumor on my liver. I hate to admit it, but I was rooting for cancer. Turned out it was a benign hemangioma. I was ready for cancer, to accept it and let it have its way. Instead, my coworker's husband suddenly was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer and died within months. Ironic.

 

[nolongerhuman]

I've thought about it off and on, in the "if I had cancer it wouldn't be my fault I'm dying so nobody can be mad at me" sense. Your family can hold your hand while you go, to. It's the one thing I want and won't get to have with a self-inflicted death. Sucks real bad.

 

[Bedrock48]

I definitely do a lot, especially since recent experience has shown me I'd much rather die in hospital than at home. And if you're dying from an illness docs aren't going to be running to you with lifesaving meds and procedures like when you're in for anything else. However, I'd hate to have to break that news to friends or family.

 

[gus.nixon]

Couple years dr's found some abnormality in my brain and I'll be honest, I was hoping I had some incurable brain tumor. Unfortunately for me, it was just benign calcium deposits. But yeah, I was really disappointed when I found out it wouldn't kill me.

 

[Into The Void]

I want to be gone, the right way. With family by my side. And a proper funeral, without all the stigma attached with a suicide. I am willing to suffer with a terminal illness, just as long as I can have my final days be with closure.

Never did I think that getting cancer can sound so appealing.

Cancer can be a horrendous way to end life. Perhaps you can find an incurable bacteria or virus to inject.

 

[lofticries]

If it means me getting the chance to be euthanized before shit hits the fan then sure. I think only my mom would be there if I should die that way though. Dad is kinda old school catholic and thinks you go to hell if you decide to end your life no matter how much pain you're in. Mom is slightly religious but sees suicide as something people can't help and can be forgiven by god for.

 

[Deathbydemo]

Yep, I've thought about it a lot. The amount of people who get terminal illnesses who don't want to die is ridiculously unfair. For those people, and for those of us who. I wish some sort of brain aneurysm would take me out instantly. Something I can't be blamed for. Hurt for my family but nothing compared to the hurt I will cause by ending it myself.

 

[filthyrottendirty]

I used to

 

[melissa286]

Yes, that would be so much better.

I've had three illnesses that would have killed me if I hadn't sought treatment, but in the moment the pain was so bad that I couldn't cope with it for the length of time it would take to die. I lie awake many nights with regret that I couldn't just tough out the pain without palliative care long enough to die.

 

[bad luck]

I. Sometimes I wish it. It would be a perfect excuse for my family to understand my suicide. Obviously he would refuse treatment and take the bus.

 

[Trisolaris]

I certainly do. Wish something would take me already.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

a humane death, rather than gunshot to the head.

Excuse me, what?

 

[Saki]

A terminal illness has two sides. On one I could get access to assistant suicide and die painless, on the other depending on the illness my movements can be restricted or even my consciousness. Dying based of a terminal illness sounds painful for me too. But I have fantasized about it having one, yes

 

[hfdepression30]

I wouldn't say fantasise, but I've thought or considered the peace or contentment it would bring me knowing that my suffering had a definite end date, but I also feel like a lot of terminal illnesses make your life so pitiful at the end.. even if it may be pitiful in life right now. I just couldn't imagine getting weaker, people having the care for me, change or wash me as my condition would slowly deteriorate.

so yeah, I've thought about it before but 1. It's unrealistic because I don't have any physical health issues and 2. It's just a slow and pitiful ending in most cases which can take months or years

 

[charcoalcat]

I had a best friend who was perfectly healthy, rich, enjoy sports and loved life. One day, he just suddenly fainted at home, was sent to the hospital and died a few hours later. I didn't even have the chance to see him before his passing.

Was told later he died because of heart failure, likely due to a minor surgery he did many years ago to fix his sweaty palms.

When I was at his funeral, I couldn't convince myself whether he was lucky or unlucky. The only thought on my mind was: "Why not me?"

 

[Lame Old Duke]

Think about this everyday being told I have terminal cancer and having a few months to live. Oh well I can dream. I'm a heavy drinker and have been told by the doctors to cut back on the whiskey but it's what I like doing. So hopefully my kidneys and liver pack up. Plus my blood pressure is fairly high and not treated.

 

[Bigpink]

It would be easier for me and others, so yes please