Whiplash idk

[ifiweretopickascene]

I was just taken from zero ability to afford food so I was cleaning my house out and composing my note but now they're saying they'll give it back tomorrow. But I still feel like doing it and I don't know why. I just feel like this is all too much. The stressor is supposed to be gone but I still don't want to be here. I'm just tired. I want to finish cleaning and take all my meds because I can't afford sn , I don't even have the thirty bucks I don't even have ten, and leave it up to chance. I feel like I just have been set up in such a way it will never get better. My mom still obsesses over me and actively trying to make me sicker every day, and I can't get away because I need the medical treatment I can get in this area but I can't fucking afford to live here because I'm too sick. I think I'm going to try anyways. I don't know. I want to reach out to my friends but don't want to stress them out with this. I just don't know. I'm going to finish cleaning and write out the note if I still feel this way I'm going to to do it. This would be the first attempt in over a year but who even cares at this point. Im sick of people trying to make me sick I'm sick of people using me like a punching bag or entertainment, I'm sick of being raped I'm sick of being tortured and most of all I'm sick of being sick. I don't want to be perceived and if I am dead I'll never be perceived again.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are suffering so much. I know that this life can be unbearable when all you want is to leave this world. Some people can just be so cruel and awful, it is a horrible world we live in where others can make our lives so much worse. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[ifiweretopickascene]

I spoke to someone and I'm just trying to analyze this urge now because I don't think this is a really reasonable reaction I think