Help Which method to minimize harm if I live? As in, I don’t want permanent physical stuff, or legal repercussions. Some Ramblings and LF Advice

[idontgiveadvicehere]

I did a lot of research into suicide methods a couple years ago, but it's been a while so I forgot a lot. The main things are that I don't want permanent physical damage if I fail, and I'd rather not do something illegal (note that that also includes guns, as I've been baker acted so cannot legally own a gun now afaik).

1) I have prescriptions for Zofran, Propranolol IM, Clonazepam, …. And less notably, also Propranolol ER, Hydroxyzine, Olanzapine, Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Naltrexone, Mupirocin, Ketoconazole…. and some "leftovers" of other meds, including two pills of Oxycodone iirc. My Mom also uses insulin but I'd really rather not steal that as she is a Type 1 diabetic and needs it. Anyway, one option I'm thinking of, is taking a large dose of Zofran, Clonazepam, Propranolol IM, and the two Oxycodone tablets, along with strong alcohol. I'm just not sure if it'd be enough to do the trick. But if it is, that'd be my ideal way to go.

2) There's also SN. But I'm not sure where to get it from. Or other deadly but legal substances. Like potassium whatever it is and stuff like that. I'm really scared of anything that would permanently damage me, especially in terms of eyesight or chronic pain.

3) I'm taking Organic Chemistry, almost done 1, and starting 2 in a couple weeks. So I might be able to utilize that knowledge if anyone has any ideas. Note that I'm not great at chemistry but I'm also not awful at it either.

As weird as this sounds, I'd rather CTB slowly over at least 15-30 min rather than just boom, or instant blackout, etc. I want to go really far in the woods with no phone or compass, and then do it there. Because I have Religious OCD about "needing to repent in my last moments" but if I did it that way, I wouldn't be able to get out even if I did have a change of heart. I don't want to jump, I already tried to get myself to before and was "rescued" so ik I'm too chicken for that.

I'm pretty good at technology so I'm sure I can figure out the dark web if I need to. I've been tempted to use one of those strong opioids. But I'd rather do something legal. Because I'm scared of living and then having a criminal record. My record is very clean.

Another idea I've had is taking up smoking, and drinking a little formaldehyde here and there, to shorten my lifespan rather than CTB.

Open to any thoughts and ideas thank you.

 

[Daisy88_99]

I did a lot of research into suicide methods a couple years ago, but it's been a while so I forgot a lot. The main things are that I don't want permanent physical damage if I fail, and I'd rather not do something illegal (note that that also includes guns, as I've been baker acted so cannot legally own a gun now afaik).

1) I have prescriptions for Zofran, Propranolol IM, Clonazepam, …. And less notably, also Propranolol ER, Hydroxyzine, Olanzapine, Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Naltrexone, Mupirocin, Ketoconazole…. and some "leftovers" of other meds, including two pills of Oxycodone iirc. My Mom also uses insulin but I'd really rather not steal that as she is a Type 1 diabetic and needs it. Anyway, one option I'm thinking of, is taking a large dose of Zofran, Clonazepam, Propranolol IM, and the two Oxycodone tablets, along with strong alcohol. I'm just not sure if it'd be enough to do the trick. But if it is, that'd be my ideal way to go.

2) There's also SN. But I'm not sure where to get it from. Or other deadly but legal substances. Like potassium whatever it is and stuff like that. I'm really scared of anything that would permanently damage me, especially in terms of eyesight or chronic pain.

3) I'm taking Organic Chemistry, almost done 1, and starting 2 in a couple weeks. So I might be able to utilize that knowledge if anyone has any ideas. Note that I'm not great at chemistry but I'm also not awful at it either.

As weird as this sounds, I'd rather CTB slowly over at least 15-30 min rather than just boom, or instant blackout, etc. I want to go really far in the woods with no phone or compass, and then do it there. Because I have Religious OCD about "needing to repent in my last moments" but if I did it that way, I wouldn't be able to get out even if I did have a change of heart. I don't want to jump, I already tried to get myself to before and was "rescued" so ik I'm too chicken for that.

I'm pretty good at technology so I'm sure I can figure out the dark web if I need to. I've been tempted to use one of those strong opioids. But I'd rather do something legal. Because I'm scared of living and then having a criminal record. My record is very clean.

Another idea I've had is taking up smoking, and drinking a little formaldehyde here and there, to shorten my lifespan rather than CTB.

Open to any thoughts and ideas thank you.

From what I see. SN is your best bet. It doesn't cut off O2 completely just slowly and differently which is the main concern in any type of hanging or similar methods. It avoids physical harm and since O2 isn't getting cut off slowly, you will either CTB or survive. Obv there are risks with any kind of O2 deprivation of any kind but from my knowledge, being brain-damaged from SN is rare especially since there is a very fast acting and effective antidote.

I love chemistry and I was gonna major in biochem so since you understand chemistry, you don't have to take my word for it, just research how SN really works and complications, *Look at the PPeH about SN. The problem I have with SN is that I don't have the necessary prescriptions but you seem to have a lot so I think this might be a good opportunity but do your research and make sure you follow the most recent protocol.

Last of all, if you are truly good with technology then you shouldn't have a hard time finding a source like DSL it's very easy to find and in the surface web. WARNING, DSL is not safe for UK that I know of and their packages are getting taken and wellness checks are conducted, you'll find that info in your research. But if you are in the US or somewhere not the UK or similar you should be fine.