Venting When your heart is racing

[Kat!]

A few days ago I scared my friends, and I feel really bad about it.

I was just reading my messages on discord, from a long time ago, cringing at my old self, and then I got a weird rush of negative-euphoria.
My mind just blanked out, I didn't feel any emotion, I told my friends it's my time. I went into my closet and I stood there with a belt around my neck for about 20 minutes.
I came back all of a sudden and my heart was racing, I was crying, telling myself "I can't wait any longer."
I can't believe it didn't last long, I thought that would certainly be it. I just can't keep chickening over and over.
It felt so peaceful.

I totally embarrassed myself on this huge server I used to be part of on discord. (the old messages I was reading)
In an attempt to be edgy I assassinated my character in front of everyone.

And recently I came back, this one member has been shit talking me for quite some time, and that one message he sent still resonates in my mind.

"Is he gone yet? I wouldn't even know his user. I hope he killed himself."
(another user replies) "Good riddance lol."

I'm stuck between two sides. My brother also told me to kill myself.
Should I live and prove them wrong? Or do I off myself and prove their point.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I would say to step out of others' stories about you entirely. This is your life, your death, your decision -- quite a big deal, much bigger than proving someone right or wrong. They're immature and unempathetic. Maybe they'll grow out of it, maybe not, but that's their concern. Your concerns are learning from the experience of being edgy and building your character (which is not the same as reputation, that's what your action hurt, and reputation is fickle, constantly subject to change, and often beyond one's control anyway).

 

[Kat!]

I would say to step out of others' stories about you entirely. This is your life, your death, your decision -- quite a big deal, much bigger than proving someone right or wrong. They're immature and unempathetic. Maybe they'll grow out of it, maybe not, but that's their concern. Your concerns are learning from the experience of being edgy and building your character (which is not the same as reputation, that's what your action hurt, and reputation is fickle, constantly subject to change, and often beyond one's control anyway).

Thank you, thank you so much. It's hard for me to remember I'm in control. I constantly feel like I'm not.
I will use this advice well.

 

[LonelyDude15]

Omg that's a terrible thing to say to someone

 

[idk who i am]

A few days ago I scared my friends, and I feel really bad about it.

I was just reading my messages on discord, from a long time ago, cringing at my old self, and then I got a weird rush of negative-euphoria.
My mind just blanked out, I didn't feel any emotion, I told my friends it's my time. I went into my closet and I stood there with a belt around my neck for about 20 minutes.
I came back all of a sudden and my heart was racing, I was crying, telling myself "I can't wait any longer."
I can't believe it didn't last long, I thought that would certainly be it. I just can't keep chickening over and over.
It felt so peaceful.

I totally embarrassed myself on this huge server I used to be part of on discord. (the old messages I was reading)
In an attempt to be edgy I assassinated my character in front of everyone.

And recently I came back, this one member has been shit talking me for quite some time, and that one message he sent still resonates in my mind.

"Is he gone yet? I wouldn't even know his user. I hope he killed himself."
(another user replies) "Good riddance lol."

I'm stuck between two sides. My brother also told me to kill myself.
Should I live and prove them wrong? Or do I off myself and prove their point.

what?? don't you dare proving someone wrong about this. your life is only yours, and it's only your decision. no one should affect it. if you feel like you're ready, then it's the time. if you'll try to ctb not fully willing to it, it won't be emotionally peaceful at all...

 

[OminousVaL]

Your feelings are valid but in my opinion the choice you make should be for yourself and not to prove anything. I use discord but I am not in any servers as I am unable to find a community I feel comfortable in but I hope you can.

 

[Caspers]

I gotta say. Assholes be assholes