when you know of someone who ctb you also have a lot of desire to do it soon?

[onthelastday]

i need it

 

[FuneralCry]

When I see that somebody else has ctb, I often feel a strange sort of jealousy as that person is free from their pain and is no longer suffering. I see taking our own lives as a hard task due to SI and courage so I think if they have managed to do it, why can't I. So it does make me want to do it sooner.

 

[Anonymous_A]

I don't know anyone personally but I know the feeling.
Whenever I see younger people, it makes me think, damn. Ctb can't be that hard..if they're not scared then why am I?

If I see crazy rich people or anyone that's got a life id be jealous of ctb. I ask myself is there any point trying to get better?
They have a life I couldn't even imagine, yet they still ctb.
When there's a lot of suicides, it fills me with the idea that I'm not going to be alone wherever I go

 

[Ame]

There was a sad attempt at partial after I learned of my boyfriend's suicide back in February. I wasn't really thinking at the time; I just wanted to escape and put out the fire in my head. To be honest, had I had SN at the time, I probably would have been long dead by now. There is not a day that goes by when I do not regret having the means in that moment of upheaval. I suppose that I do feel some pressure to "get it over with" whenever I read about a recent death by suicide.

Perhaps it is morbid, but I often think about what it was like to be in that position and what goes on in the head of those who complete their suicides. For all of my readings on suicidology and the models it has to offer, I know that I cannot know what it will take until I set the act in motion and even then will I have doubts. I can only imagine that in those moments, the pain and desperation to escape it were so great that there wasn't room for anything else.

 

[Water-Lily]

There was a sad attempt at partial after I learned of my boyfriend's suicide back in February. I wasn't really thinking at the time; I just wanted to escape and put out the fire in my head. To be honest, had I had SN at the time, I probably would have been long dead by now. There is not a day that goes by when I do not regret having the means in that moment of upheaval. I suppose that I do feel some pressure to "get it over with" whenever I read about a recent death by suicide.

Perhaps it is morbid, but I often think about what it was like to be in that position and what goes on in the head of those who complete their suicides. For all of my readings on suicidology and the models it has to offer, I know that I cannot know what it will take until I set the act in motion and even then will I have doubts. I can only imagine that in those moments, the pain and desperation to escape it were so great that there wasn't room for anything else.

I feel in that situation I would have regrets. I would regret every moment. Suicide would be romanticized to a place where I would convince myself while in my darkness that its "the right and only thing to do". But at the same time, knowing I don't actually want to die. Since my method if bridge jumping, I can imagine climbing the fence while my heart is pounding. And then once I start falling I start screaming "I don't want to die". By then, it could be too late. I could survive, but live with painful life long scars. Either way, live or die, I will suffer I choose to die now.