When you ctb, do you think it’ll be impulsive with a mind in chaos or the opposite?

[Volatile]

I think mine will be a mixture since I have a decided method. The times I've been closest to ctb have been when something unexpected and catastrophic has happened such as being on the verge of being kicked out by my landlord. He's moody. I hate being dependent on others to survive.

 

[15dec]

Almost certainly going to ctb in February, in which case I'd be doing it in a somewhat level-headed state. Though if life sends some more bs my way this month I'll probably just do it early feeling pretty chaotic

 

[Volatile]

Almost certainly going to ctb in February, in which case I'd be doing it in a somewhat level-headed state. Though if life sends some more bs my way this month I'll probably just do it early feeling pretty chaotic

What's an example of some more bs ?

 

[Sinbad]

I will CTB with a plan.
Tho I sometimes feel like dying right now so I understand others who try to CTB impulsively.

 

[15dec]

What's an example of some more bs ?

More family problems, more problems with mental health services, more reason to believe my ex did in fact leave me for another girl (it'd be the third time that's happened), more isolation. Or maybe something new will happen this time that pushes me over the edge, who knows

 

[Haze]

It will come from a place of utter despair and reflection: on all I've lost, and can never regain.

 

[Shewaitsforme]

It will be opposite for me. Personally i dont think in a state of impulsiveness i would be in a fully rational state so i wouldnt do it.

 

[Wastedlife]

Always dreamed to do CTB since my Teenage years but I'm still around (30 ) . I don't want to die of old age. Not only you look terrible but also the shitload of health problems. I don't want to die of old age but it will probably happen unless my euthanasie accept request gets accepted.

 

[anelakapu]

Most of my attempts were impulsive and its never worked out. And ive planned but then been too afraid when the very moment came, though the other plans involved lots of frivolous last time things like final bubble baths or last pizza or go see one last movie and then i end up getting distracted or too drunk or even if the plan is still more thought out key things are still left to whim. Ive always done everything on a whim including my latest attempt getting a last minute hotel to do the ratchet method in. Next time is going to be fully fleshed out planned, specific time/place, actually practice the method, be financially secured to support potential fallout and be completely sober to complete the task- still going with the ratchet.

 

[Jen Erik]

I don't want to do it with my mind in chaos, so it won't be impulsive in that sense. I don't want to feel I have to ctb because I am in crisis.

 

[Volatile]

I don't want to do it with my mind in chaos, so it won't be impulsive in that sense. I don't want to feel I have to ctb because I am in crisis.

Then why ctb if you aren't in crisis?

 

[JustAboutDone]

A bit of both really - part planned part spontaneous. I've got to have a clear head to make it work properly but then there's always just that one thing that just tips you to making it *that* time and *that* moment

 

[Jen Erik]

Then why ctb if you aren't in crisis?

Crisis, for me, means an immediate threat to the stability of my life or existence.

I want to ctb because of things that are not an immediate threat, which I can generally describe as a deteriorating quality of life – mental & physical health issues, financial issues, etc. There is very slim chance or likelihood for improvement.

If let go too long, I will inevitably be in crisis. I want to ctb before that point.

 

[killing me softly]

A bit of both really - part planned part spontaneous. I've got to have a clear head to make it work properly but then there's always just that one thing that just tips you to making it *that* time and *that* moment

Most of my attempts were impulsive and its never worked out.

i'm of the same mind as justaboutdone and anelakapu - in the past my attempts have been more on the impulsive side and it never went well. this time around i have a careful plan, i'm gathering my resources, putting affairs in order, etc. and once all of those things are set i'll be able to put it all into action. but i also think there is still an element of impulsiveness no matter how prepared - that last moment of 'okay, here goes, gotta just do this now'.

 

[bigj75]

Depends on the method and situation. I might be on drugs at the time.

 

[DreamsofDeath]

Probably impulsive, possibly whilst intoxicated as that's looking like the only way I'll have the courage to do it without my chosen method. If I had SN or alternative substances referred to here, I could do it in a calm, planned way, but my mind doesn't allow me to properly research and get hold of all the means I'd need for this, which causes me more pain as I just want to have the means for a peaceful exit. That's still my aim but it's not impossible I'll throw myself into a more violent exit if sufficiently courageous through intoxication or desperation. If there was anywhere jumping was an option near me that would be a possible way but failing that I'll see. Rambling a bit here, hopefully I'll somehow get myself together and find a way to get the means for a calm bus ride.

 

[SiArc]

It differs for each person. My last attempt was near successful and I was calm, resigned. I was not weepy or scared. Just detached and watching it like a movie or science experiment.

I believe my next will be a bit more emotional but the same.

 

[stellabelle]

I think I will likely do it impulsively, but I hope that I do not do it in a time of crisis simply because my last moments of life should not be in distress. I want to decide the day is right, lay down, and depart this world.

 

[Retched]

In August, when I failed, it was more of a state of mind that was driven. I failed. The next time failure is not an option. I'll admit, I've tried partial while in a state of chaos and crisis and it didn't work. So, I have a few methods that take more time and planning. So we will see what happens, if my chaos/crisis mode will be the cause or if I will be calm. I don't know. I haven't tried it yet.

 

[BagofBones]

More than likely impulsive for me..previous times I have made a plan and then mania tskes it over. After that, nothing is planned :/

 

[Final Escape]

I think mine will be impulsive but also planned. I don't know, I'm a poor planner in addition to being impulsive. I might try to save up for Nembutal. I just think this would work for me. Like I'm not afraid or doubtful about it.

 

[Darrenloses]

Mine is all impulsive.. if I hear terrible news or something that could severely impact me, I'll pull out the ctb gear.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

Mine is going to be all planned down to the last detail. I've already started getting rid of stuff I don't need and closing my bank accounts. All I require now is to get my meds and decide where and when to do it.

 

[Pan]

I plan on doing it in spring, in my basement, with rope looped over water pipe. Because it takes approximately 20 minutes to cross over, full suspension should allow for at least a window of, say, 30-45 minutes.wih full suspension there is no turning back

 

[kira1]

I feel like it won't be impulsive. I'm just not an impulsive type of person to begin with and planning everything beforehand makes everything easier

 

[Pan]

To each their own. It takes guts to plan it out with details; for me, opting out w/out thinking is the way to go. I reason that if I fine tune the details, rank fear will make me back out. But then i think if I back out, what am I backing out for? I'm alone, my friends long gone, my dear wife died last year. Fortunately, I am alone, which enables me to hang myself without fear of immediate discovery.

 

[Carrotcake]

For me with depression, I'm like frozen all the time and unable to even move. So doing something impulsive is really impossible, lol. Everything takes so much energy and planning. So my ctb has to be planned as well. If I'm going to wait for an impulse I'll die of old-age first.

 

[Dizzy]

I need impulse to go through with it. that's the only way I can get close to commitment. otherwise I talk myself out of it... and continue to suffer