What’s your quietest goodbye?

[user933957]

Not the method. Not the note. Not the final meal or the big speech. I'm asking about the small, invisible goodbyes. The ones you've already done or are starting to do. The ones no one will notice but you. Because when you're walking toward the end, whether it's days, months, or years away, you start to do things differently. You stop reaching toward the future and start tidying the past. And it doesn't always look like sadness. Sometimes it's just…stillness. Resignation. A sense of "I don't need this anymore."
I haven't posted about it in detail, but I've been planning to CTB later this year. I'm not going to talk about the method or the when. That's not what this post is for. But it's a decision I've made with clarity. It's not impulsive. It's not a flare-up. It's just an intentional end. And in that, I've been saying goodbye in ways no one sees.

I deleted photos of myself. Not all of them. Just the ones where I was clearly trying too hard to seem okay. The ones where my smile made my eyes look like they weren't even attached to me. I don't want to leave behind a fake version of myself.
I stopped planning for things that require "next year" energy. Appointments. Subscriptions. Projects. I let them go. There's something strangely peaceful about removing things from your calendar and not replacing them. An empty calendar becomes a kind of relief. It's mine now. Not the world's.
I wrote down the passwords to everything I've ever made. Email. Documents. A folder on my desktop with a few explanations. Nothing poetic. No long letters. Just: "Here is how you close things. Here is how you won't have to guess." It's the only kind of mercy I feel capable of offering.
I stopped backing up my hard drive. There's something final about not saving your work. I let go of the idea that anything I create needs to last beyond me. I used to panic about losing files. Now I don't. If it vanishes with me, that's okay.
I've started using my favourite things. The candle I was saving. The expensive tea I thought I'd drink when I felt better. The perfume I stopped wearing. These really big boots I saved for special occasions. No more saving anything. There's no later. There's only now.
I stopped pretending I'm okay in texts. I don't trauma-dump. I'm not asking anyone to fix me. But I also don't smile through my messages anymore. I let my replies be slow, dry, unfinished. If people fade out because of it, that's fine. I'm not trying to grip anyone on the way out.
I cleaned out my drawers. Letters. Trinkets. Clothes. Things I've carried for years thinking they meant something. I burned a few. I tossed the rest. They were heavy in a way I didn't realise. Now there's space. Literal and otherwise.
I listen to music differently now. Just to feel it. Some songs are too much. Others hit in the exact right way and I replay them like they're stitches keeping me here just a little longer. Just until I'm done.

Anyway, they're goodbyes all the same.

So I'm wondering—what are your quiet goodbyes?
Not the big stuff. Just the soft ones. The ones no one else will ever know you did.

you're a genius, you have such a way with words it's amazing

 

[Kbeau]

Pushing away the people I love most so as they don't get hurt so much when I ctb

Yep

 

[belowaveragefish]

Sold $200,000 from my IRA and have gambled away $30,000 of it! It was fun. I'm definitely at the end point where you don't give a fuck and you're giving your stuff away for free. No wife, no kids, no parents and money and "stuff" ain't coming with me when I die!!

Hell yeah!
Wish I had that much in any sort of investment. Let's just say I barely make enough to live, and I still on average spend around $150-$200 a month on shit to actually make me happy. Mostly food and porn

 

[idontwanttosuffer]

1. I've changed the user name of my Netflix account to my sister.

2. Cleaned my bluetooth earphones and kept it inside my sister's room ( she isn't in town).

3. Transferred my funds to my parents account and deleted the SMS.

4. Brought few books that my mom likes. Note, I haven't left my place since the last 6 months.

That's pretty much it.

 

[Kbeau]

Hell yeah!
Wish I had that much in any sort of investment. Let's just say I barely make enough to live, and I still on average spend around $150-$200 a month on shit to actually make me happy. Mostly food and porn

Oh. I've spent plenty on food and porn! My Estate is worth about $900,000. 100% of it going to animal shelters.

 

[ThankYouGuys]

I've been posting one song I love each day on my Instagram story. I don't upload them as posts, just stories that disappear after 24 hours.

Most of them are tracks that can't be found digitally or are really obscure. I guess I'm hoping that someone else will stumble upon them, too. It might sound arrogant, but sometimes I feel like if I disappear, these songs might vanish forever as well. Or maybe it's more like quietly leaving behind an autobiography that best represents who I am.

Aside from that, I've found myself often buying drinks or gifts for the people I care about. I used to be quite meticulous with money, but these days I don't really care about it. I just want to give it all to them. In my heart, I want to go on a trip with my best friend of over ten years, one that might even be our last. But it's hard to make that happen. We used to be the daftiest duo whenever we met, but lately, I haven't had the energy, so I end up turning down plans. If I shared what's really been on my mind, he'd be genuinely worried. So I'd rather just stay as that carefree, silly mate until the very end.

When the time comes, I'll probably send a few of my favorite vinyl records to the artists I loved, and give the rest to a friend whose taste always aligned with mine. I'll wrap up the little things I've left in the world, say goodbye with a smile and then the next day, I just won't be here anymore.

 

[darkandtwisty]

In a weird way, self love will be my silent goodbye. Release the stresses and stop pretending to be someone I'm not. Stop with the people pleasing and worrying about whether or not I'm good enough. I'll be good enough for myself. Be gentle and kinder. A goodbye to me from me.

 

[belowaveragefish]

Oh. I've spent plenty on food and porn! My Estate is worth about $900,000. 100% of it going to animal shelters.

That's kinda beautiful. :)

 

[badkarma4618]

quiet goodbyes is a beautiful way of describing it. i do it too, letting go in ways no one notices. i spend what money i can on fleeting things like fancier meals, small adventures, flower arrangements for no reason at all. i go back to visit places that meant something to me, like they are people i want to see one last time. i toss out the film negatives without hesitation. i use up the expensive art supplies i was saving for a better, more inspired version of myself. i take my medications as much or as little as i want, not how the label tells me to. not recklessly but just on my own terms. i've made lists too. like lists of how my cats need to be taken care of, how they like to be fed, what food each one prefers. i may outlive them or i may not. but it feels better knowing it's written down. like i'm leaving small maps behind. none of it is out loud. none of it looks like goodbye from the outside. but it is. just in pieces. just in case.

Most of them are tracks that can't be found digitally or are really obscure. I guess I'm hoping that someone else will stumble upon them, too.

have you shared any of them here? id love to listen.