Venting What's wrong with me ?

[Painless_end]

I barely completed my undergraduate degree 10 years ago even though I lost interest and then moved onto a job and lost interest in that. My brain is truly abnormal because of the lack of self-motivation to either live or die, thus existing in limbo. There's some kind of neurological weakness that doesn't exactly provide the motivation to either live or die.

I suppose I did have low level undeveloped desires for money or sex at one time, but those have been fulfilled now I feel like dying but I can't bring myself to do it. I have had some full-time jobs in the past, but now I've had it with those.

There isn't a thing in the world that excites me anymore. Neither job, nor money, nor people, nor new experiences.

I just want to die, but I can't bring myself to do it because too much pain. I suffer needlessly for so long. I cannot be able to perform anything beyond daily maintenance activities.

Those of you who read my posts will know that I have frequently said that I am unable to kill myself and instead prefer just shutting out every stimulus and locking myself away in the bathroom sometimes.

Thank God my parents provide food for me, else would have been long dead.

 

[Chisel]

I kind of relate to what your saying.
Motivation for life has long left me also.
Just managing day to day is about all I can muster.
It's very upsetting and unfair. That I'm being punished constantly for things I cannot control and never wanted.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Anhedonia makes things incredibly dull. Some people are able to still find a bit of pleasure and satisfaction in things, others aren't able to feel those emotions at all.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering. I understand it is hard to carry on when everything is hopeless. It is difficult to ctb and it does require a lot of courage, I understand that, that is why I am still here. We deserve the option of euthanasia, a peaceful exit at a time of our own choosing. I wish you the best.

 

[Kennish]

I'm sorry you are suffering. I understand it is hard to carry on when everything is hopeless. It is difficult to ctb and it does require a lot of courage, I understand that, that is why I am still here. We deserve the option of euthanasia, a peaceful exit at a time of our own choosing. I wish you the best.

We definitely deserve the right to end our lives at the time chosen. It should be free for all. I'm saving money for N. I am at my worst right now. Started new anti-depressants and they say it will help my OCD. I have lost all faith.