What’s stopping me?

[Givingupandgivingin]

I want to be gone. I'm done. I feel very little about anything. I am detached. There is no hope things will get better. I am not sad about it. I feel nothing.
So why can't I just do it? I know rationally there's no hope - so what is wrong with me? Why am I walking around day after day knowing it's the only outcome, unable to look further ahead than one day and still not doing it?
It is ridiculous.
There are some things I need to do - letters and cards for my children. Wrap all their Christmas presents and my daugther's 5th birthday presents. Those sorts of things.
I need to do them, small steps to the end goal and maybe then I will be able to do it.
I just want to be gone. Why can I not just be gone?

 

[I screwed up]

Am in the same boat bro. What's stopping me is lack of resources - SN which is my method and the fact that I am too chicken to hang myself. I hate the fact that I m gutless and bloody scared of failing.

 

[Deleted member 22650]

I personally learned to understand my emotions and some triggers I have, I learned to not feel them, which was good but to successful not 'chicken out' I need to feel them the most I can, so right now I feel nothing but before I CTB couple days before, i'll make sure to feel miserable, either by listening to sad songs, by getting rejected, by remembering of the events that hurt me in details, writing my feelings and talking with other depressed people. As I remember that at some point of my life if I would have had the stuff necessary to do it ready in my closet I wouldn't even have hesitated, so I need to feel exactly like those times where I was helpless.

 

[ARW3N]

I've thought about this issue many times and think it's down to the survival instinct stopping us in our tracks from exiting the world. One suicidologist even goes so far as to say that those who successfully CTB have made previous attempts which are ways of de-conditioning the survival instinct.

 

[Meditation guide]

knowing it's the only outcome, unable to look further ahead than one day and still not doing it?

Maybe it's depression which causes a huge lack of motivation. It's super difficult to do anything when you are severely depressed.