What's bothering you right now?

[Life sucks]

I really struggle with posting and putting words. It gets worse with time.

 

[readyforsleep]

Everything. It's hard to separate all of it. School, life, family, friends. I just want to die, but I've already failed 3 times and I'm terrified of being locked up again.

 

[Sherri]

I'm bothered that in 3 days I will tamper my opioid meds because I was wrestled by my own stupidity, and it's gonna hurt because it's going to be a very rapid drop from 10mg a day to 4mg. So scared.

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

Almost everything but mostly my extremely high tinnitus that is just making me want to blow my head up.

 

[gottago222]

being alive

 

[Snake of Eden]

Being so hairy FML

 

[milly]

My host aunt constant fighting with the son... wish I had another place to go

might start a job this week. i know i will make money, but there is the bullshit that comes with it like angry bosses, lifting heavy things, working with unpleasant people. i hate having no money, but i have to go through so much bullshit to get money. it's like picking between being burned alive or being eaten alive, i can't espace pain.

Yeah i'm facing this too... again hope i can survive for a few paychecks.

Actually i'm only going to work to afford N

 

[Nanako]

My panic disorder... I wish I could feel comfortable in my own head until I'm able to obtain SN, and just not have to worry about anything else till then.

 

[GoldLeafIndigo]

Wisdom3_1-9, your feelings matter. It's no small thing.

 

[combatcuteness]

My vision sucks, I've been trying to get treatment but all doctors are the same. They do the same shit and are surprised to find nothing. If I die I'll be because of this fools from America's Best and public hospitals.

 

[FinalDestination]

Apart from still being alive (soon, hopefully!) the whole job hunting has gone no where just constant rejection. Even places that say no experience or training provided will say no siting that they went with someone with experience. I feel like I'm going mad because it feels like it should be slightly easier than it is right now and at this point it is just me. How can it not be me when I am constantly applying to different places- including ones that require little expertise or skill and still not getting to even the interview stage. The whole ordeal is really expediting my departure date because whats the point if I can't even progress past this stage of life no matter how hard I try to. On a funnier note my degree really is that useless but I knew that- just thought I'd be at least pleasantly surprised just once with it. It feels like everything in my life is shutting down on me itself and nothing ever works out and it feels like a cruel cycle I'm stuck in but can't even stop

 

[Crazy4u]

I'm bothered by stress: my dog doesn't seem so well, my car needs to be fixed, my coworker is out and I have to do my work and his work, and the professor for one of my classes made me repeat homework 3 times and I still can't figure it out. I'm supposed to focus on ctb I don't have time for all this

 

[absoluteanimal1]

Acid reflux

 

[Foresight]

I am so cold. Our gas rate doubled and now we have to keep the heat low.

 

[clown_17]

I have absolutely no one to talk to right now. The only person I thought I could talk to is ghosting me, and it's probably for a good reason although I can't think of why. I think I'm just too boring, I always am. I can't pick up on people's subtle cues so they always end up hating me and I never know why. I'm actually trying to "recover" right now. I'm reading my dbt sheets and actually *doing* the skills. Like I was fucking sniffing lavender oil instead of self harming because my sheets told me to. And I feel open enough to process some stuff from the past. The thing is that seems 100% impossible if I don't have anyone to support me through it. The last time I was dead alone my mental state got so fucking bad and I don't want to feel that's at again.

Also my "therapist" (given to me by the public system, I didn't chose him) only talks to me for 20 minutes every other week and acts like a robot. I can't tell he doesn't give a shit about me and loves to point out every unhealthy thing I do, once again adding to the guilt I already feel just existing. I can tell he believes I'm making up all the stuff in the past. Who knows, maybe I am. Maybe I just needed an excuse for my behaviour.

Anyways life fucking sucks and I want to feel loved.

 

[GoldLeafIndigo]

Please try to not take his crappy ability to be a good therapist personally. I do that shit all the time--ill think someone being rude or ghosting me, whatever, is directed at me because they don't like me, I was an idiot, etc. When really it's about them and their lack of skills. If people can't set a verbal boundary with you and have to ghost you instead, it obviously isn't all your fault that they can't communicate. I'm getting ghosted too, by someone I thought was a genuine friend. But I have to let her issues be hers, and not stay in my shame spiral.

My DBT group facilitator sucks. I'm trying to use the education to improve my life, despite her shortcomings, and it sounds like you're doing the same.

I know how it feels not to have support, it's so much more difficult. I'm so envious of these people with their healthy relationships. I was on a Zoom meeting where a happily married person was showing pictures of his wedding. I was muted and my video was off, and I cried. I'll probably never have anyone give a shit about me that much. I certainly never have.

So I'm on this forum to give support, hopefully get it, & learn something about how to die with autonomy. I'm going to keep working on healing until I die. You're not alone. There's a lot of us going through the same thing. Hang in there.

 

[absoluteanimal1]

Having to respond to a job offer. I have to ask for more money, which I find very uncomfortable.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

Unrelenting anxiety, a difficult taper process - it's messing w/ everything, esp. mood, sleep & appetite. Not gonna compensate by using extra benzo rx & creating more problems. just want some relief. Loneliness hurts too.

 

[Nemy]

Anxiety, mood swings, physical health issues, can't get a hold of a doctor cuz of covid. Finding an internship job for summer.

 

[TheHatedOne]

the process of dying and after dying, can't stop thinking about these, I'm almost obsessed. alcohol is finishing too and tomorrow I have to clean again...

 

[absoluteanimal1]

I was offered a job and now I have an agonizing choice to make: take the job and settle or wait to find something more suitable.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

existing

 

[Foresight]

I wasted my day away

I was offered a job and now I have an agonizing choice to make: take the job and settle or wait to find something more suitable.

How unsuitable is it? That is tough.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

My preorder for Pokémon Legends Arceus got delayed and won't arrive until Monday meaning I'll be experiencing major FOMO over this whole weekend. I thought I could preorder the game again at a GameStop, pick it up today to play it now, and return the delayed copy once that arrives but now that I'm awake today I suddenly feel too lethargic to even go out plus some of my friends are giving me shit for planning to go through all that extra effort even though they know that nothing else in this world motivates me to try this hard at anything and I'm an impatient baby who can't wait three days to play something I've looked forward to for a while.

 

[Foresight]

I'm trying to break a bad coping habit and it makes me uneasy. It makes me more uneasy to keep doing it though so it is what it is.

 

[Nanako]

Currently what bothers me is knowing I'll have to wait at least a month or so before I can start seriously planning how I'll ctb, as I have no money atm. I'm also trying not to worry about the usual stuff suicidal people have to deal with (fear of failing, fear of not having the guts to go through with it etc) - it's futile to worry about these things this early into this process but I just can't help myself.

 

[Life sucks]

New games, anime and things and I still can't catch up with the older ones. My endless list is just increasing and I do nothing.

 

[Life sucks]

I can't do anything right now

 

[MrBlue]

Just everything tbh.
I work in a clinical lab and should be getting trained in the busiest part of it but have just been left to fend for myself in there the whole fucking week.
I had set a date to ctb, which was a relief tbh, but now a couple of people have been leading me on into thinking I could get into friendships/relationships. It's obvious that they don't actually care and basically using me for attention, but I'm too pathetic and lonely to not get slightly conflicted now someone is paying me the tiniest amount of attention.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

I have been feeling off physically.. No appetite for past month. Idk what it is. Could be tapering off opi, could be something wrong medically. My WBC's have been increasingly elevated over past few years. My doctor wants me to get some tests to look into it, but I've not done so. I also have this really lost/somethings off feeling, and it's not going away, it's making it harder to be able to function.