NSFW What would you be willing to do in order to get laid?

[noname223]

I explained the story about the liberal, autstic woman quite a few times.

Here is a summary. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...ry-progressive-liberal-autistic-woman.226308/

I assume she is hypersexual and sleeps with a lot of people. I am still a virgin. I fingered a woman and had some other experiences. But I think I am still a virgin.

The first date with her was amazing. Nothing sexual though.
She is in an open or polyamorous relationship I assume. The second date was a nightmare. She invited a sociopathic friend who attacked me verbally. And in some ways I had the feeling she was on his side. I felt like maybe she manipulated me earlier. And she takes hard drugs all the time. A massive red flag for me.

She sent me a half ass apology one week after the second date. I told her that the meeting made me really uncomfortable and I want to see her friend never again. Since then she never replied to that message. I think she wanted me to become co-dependent of her so that she can manipulate me. But I set boundaries. I think this was healthy.

She looks pretty good and is my type. I think if I played a role in her life this could become a friends with benefits situation. I think though I am not willing to do that. Having sex with someone is very intimate and you make yourself vulnerable. And I could imagine she and her sociopathetic friend could tease me if I don't perform well. I think I needed to feel safe. And I am not sure whether I still feel safe when I am around her. Moreover, I have my dignity and it sounds a little bit toxic the whole environment. I won't let them humiliate myself just to get laid. But I am not sure whether this is actually a smart way to think about it XD.


In 2020 I had a clinic stay and an extremely good looking borderline woman wanted to be in a relationship with me. She was completely my type (outer appearance related) and she was a 10/10. But her borderline was completely out of control and she took hard drugs. I think playing with her feelings just to get sex never was an option. (she attempted suicide)
I asked myself whether I am dumb for thinking like that. But I am principled. I don't want to be this kind of guy.

So what do you think about it?

I think it would help me mentally to have a better sex life. But I read about prostitution and the way men talk about these women online is simply disgusting.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

Yeah, never meet that person again, it's the best choice, I've said it before. It ain't that deep, you're gonna find someone more normal, you don't need to find turbo autistic performative people (but nothing wrong with turbo autistic people, I'm one of them, just not performative and manipulative), that are polyamorous and gaslight you that they love you and have sociopathic friends or aggressive friends. Did you have problems with your parents? lack of love? why would any person settle for polyamory beats me, I get it, you might love a person, that person might give 0 shits about you, exactly why she is polyamorous, hot ** (oops I typed ice) and cold BS that I've seen from many of my own abusers that treated me like a (mental cum) rag.

Don't be an asshole that chases people just for sex. That's what I think.
Don't go to prostitutes, it's paid rape.
Find a friend first, lover later, it's shouldn't be all about sex, but hey, maybe that's just me.
If you helped a woman orgasm, congratulations, you're better than 90% of non-virgins out there, they don't have this capability built in them. Losing your virginity means jack shit

 

[U. A.]

Ohhh I'm watching this thread.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

Ohhh I'm watching this thread.

I keep refreshing every 5 minutes, it's my guilty pleasure on threads like these. (because drama)

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm really prudish. Mostly because of my upbringing. But, I think it actually protected me in a way. I view sex as a profound act. Almost like a joining of souls. Not that I really believe in the soul. But, it would have messed me up so much psychologically had I pursued any of the (very rare) oportunities I got- I tend to think. Kind of lucky I was too ugly to attract too much attention really.

I was taught 'no sex before marriage'. Having largely shunned religion, I don't believe that so much now but, I suppose sex has become a sort of marriage in my head and, I wouldn't marry if I wasn't in love.

That's not to go all prudish on what other people choose to do. That's up to them but, I think they at least ought to be on the same page. I've known guys in particular outright lie to pull women. I've also known them leave women with STD's and children to raise alone so- I'm wary of guys who are like that.

Plus, it messes with people's emotions if they manipulate them just to get sex. Maybe they assume it's as throw away as they treat it but, it's not always the case.

It happens in reverse too- possibly more rarely. But, some of my Dad's work colleagues got it on and the guy assumed it was the start of a relationship but for the woman, it was a one night stand. I think both people need to be clear that they want the same thing.

At one point, I made masses of effort to try and impress a guy I had a crush on. But, I suspect that was limerence anyway. I doubt I'd do anything now! I'm content on my own I've realised- fortunately. Plus, I don't want more tethers here with suicide on the cards. The last thing I need is to fall in love with someone and then feel like I can't leave them... again.

I suppose I just don't get it either. Like- I can understand sex with someone you love must be amazing but, the action of it (an orgasm) creates such strong emotions. I think it could feel weird- even horrible to have those with someone you barely know so- I just don't get the appeal of casual sex. Like- are the orgasms really so much better? I think it might be different for guys too maybe. I don't really see how it could be much better for a woman than I can do myself- to be crude.

Maybe it's how much you like people though and, want shared experiences. I watched an interview with an elite dominatrix once. I'm not even gay but, I could see the appeal with her! Lol. She was describing what she experienced with clients as being almost profound. I thought that sounded interesting.

I think the level of trust would need to be huge though- for it to feel nice. Plus for me, I find my body disgusting- because it is now especially. I think it would just make all those insecurities spike.

It's also because of how it's perceived in my brain I suppose. If it's just a physical act to someone though- like enjoying some ice cream then- maybe I get more why they want as much as they can get. Which again- is fine- so long as the other person knows what they're offering and wants the same.

 

[Dot]

cn undrstnd wantng sx bt u hve alrdy bn thretnd & messd arnd

Sh/ wll nt brng n.ethng gd in2 ur lfe & if = thre = 0 respct frm hr sde thn u mght end up feelng shme fr b-ing usd in diffrnt wys

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

I'm really prudish.

Ur not really prudish if you're okay and comfortable with having these boundaries. FYI. you're not obligated to sleep around, you're not obligated to do anything.
If it's intimate for you and should be reserved for the one, go for it.

But I want to say one thing, while you can get manipulated to be more prudish let's say or more conservative with sex (not the US political party), the same can happen where people become extremely sexual even when they wouldn't want to otherwise, when they are groomed into it.

I wouldn't read much of it, it's better to know less in my opinion.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

why would any person settle for polyamory beats me, I get it, you might love a person, that person might give 0 shits about you, exactly why she is polyamorous, hot ** (oops I typed ice) and cold BS that I've seen from many of my own abusers that treated me like a (mental cum) rag.

A strictly monogamous4monogamous person (you) would only settle for a polyamorous relationship either due to low self esteem or under duress. I myself was in a one-sided open relationship once because I was worried I wouldn't be enough for them (my ex is lovely and we're still in touch I was just very mentally ill)

But don't get it twisted and assume that actual happy polyamorous relationships don't exist. That's like assuming that no gay people are happy because you dated a man as a straight guy. It just wasn't your calling, and the person you knew was an ass

I think it would help me mentally to have a better sex life.

Bonding in general is usually a better choice than sex if you want better mental health.

Yes, sex can be a bonding experience, but if you come out the door with the intention of sex, you'll either meet people who don't want that, or people who only want that.

Bond via other ways and get your dopamine through that at first. Sex gives you the same happy chemicals as many other things, and those chemicals can actually be a crutch, creating a dependence. Don't go for something addictive when you're vulnerable to addiction.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

A strictly monogamous4monogamous person (you) would only settle for a polyamorous relationship either due to low self esteem or under duress. I myself was in a one-sided open relationship once because I was worried I wouldn't be enough for them (my ex is lovely and we're still in touch I was just very mentally ill)

But don't get it twisted and assume that actual happy polyamorous relationships don't exist. That's like assuming that no gay people are happy because you dated a man as a straight guy. It just wasn't your calling, and the person you knew was an ass

I don't care to date in the first place. "low self esteem", not really, I've just seen how a big part of these people operate, especially in online spaces. And it seems that this person OP dated given how she was described, was just another asshole that wanted to use other people, who would've guessed.

Some can exist happily, never said it wasn't the case because nobody asked me; These people would also be critical of the people I'm critical off, I'm 100% sure. If they care that is.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

I don't care to date in the first place. "low self esteem", not really, I've just seen how a big part of these people operate, especially in online spaces. And it seems that this person OP dated given how she was described, was just another asshole that wanted to use other people, who would've guessed.

Some can exist happily, never said it wasn't the case because nobody asked me; These people would also be critical of the people I'm critical off, I'm 100% sure. If they care that is.

I was just referring to your wording of "why would any person settle for a polyamorous relationship" don't worry lol

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

I was just referring to your wording of "why would any person settle for a polyamorous relationship" don't worry lol

Oh, well, that's my bad in wording

 

[Dejected 55]

If all someone wants is sex, then I feel like the bar to entry for "what would you be willing to do" is MUCH lower than for someone who wants sex but primarily wants to connect and have a relationship with someone.

I've never truly been in a situation where sex was offered or potentially available to me where I had to make the choice. So I can't 100% say what I would do if I had a chance at a just-sex situation realistically. I'm not going to pretend I'm above the fray morally or whatever, because I don't know. I've engaged in flirty/risky conversation with women before, but it's generally been in low/no-risk situations where I know there's pretty much no chance of it ever happening.

Kind of like the line Heath Ledger had in the Batman movie as the Joker where he talked about being a dog chasing cars and wouldn't know what to do with one if he caught one.

I've had sex, with escorts... 20+ years ago. Back then I saw the writing on the wall, and boosted my courage to take the risk on some escort experiences just to know what I was missing. The women were nice, the sex was okay, but I always felt empty and realized back then that it was not at all what I wanted.

So, I feel like I'm on the far end of the "what would you be willing to do" spectrum for sex only... but if I thought I had a chance at a meaningful connection/relationship and sex came along for that ride? I'd be more willing because of the relationship aspect than for the sex by far.

 

[Higurashi415]

I don't know you well enough, I hope what I'm saying applies to you.
I've been in your shoes a few years ago, before meeting my current girlfriend (which I'm not mentioning to brag about it, but simply because it's a long term relationship that has been going on for years despite the fact we're both 25, and this is relevant for what comes next). Everytime I've been a few seconds from sex I've pulled back and retreated, I never completely understood why until literally 2 years ago. I'll give you an example of it, but it's not the only one.

Spoiler: Relatively NSFW experience

The girl that I wanted to build a relationship with was playing wrestling with me on the bed half naked, I pushed her onto the bed and she opened her legs, which as I understand is a pretty explicit way of asking for a more intimate contact. And I defused the situation by sitting next to her while she was laying down.

During this I was either 17 or 18 and I thought I would've fucked anything that moved, well clearly I didn't. This came as a bit of a surprise even to myself, not to mention to her (lol). The reason I didn't do it, as I understand it, is because she was kinda seeing someone else but not really, and she probably wasn't really interesting in dating me, which is what I really CARED about even if I didn't know it. Companionship is a good word for it, I think, like REALLY having a partner in your life, someone that helps you out, someone you can call at 3am, someone who "gets" it, you know? A great friend, the best friend you might even say, which also happens to be someone you want to be intimate with, of course, and the sex is going to be amazing because you "get" eachother. I even made out with the aforementioned girl, for about 10 minutes, I thought it was good until I made out with my current girlfriend. The difference was astonishing. Technically, the same thing happened, you know how making out works, BUT the feelings involved and the implications of it made it so that even the sensation I felt were completely different. I can't even imagine how crap sex would feel for me with a person I have little connection with.

Now, I only know this in hindsight, and this may or may not apply to you, but I think it's worth thinking about. Having sex with her is not that important in the sense that in 6 months you'll be back to square 2, if not square 1. But you can say you fucked a 10, if you care about that.
As a closing note, if it really is sex that you want, genuinely, why don't you just go to a prostitute? It would cost about 2-3 dates depending on where you live, it's not that expensive compared to dating. Hell, it might even cost less.

(I'm not great at conveying tones with my writing, I'm trying to be as direct as possible to avoid misunderstanding, but I don't mean this as an attack, I mean this quite literally actually)

 

[ImUnknown]

Personally, I find sex not all that tbh. I don't last long at all, like, 5 secs, I think I'd try casual sex though, more intimacy and stuff, so it would give the illusion of lasting longer. I've only had one relationship, and I don't know if she was faking orgasms or not (she said she wasn't, but it's hard to believe), but it seems to me that oral sex would give more orgasms than regular sex, which also gives an illusion of lasting longer. I'm not a woman, though, so idk if oral's better than regular for a woman

I do think sex is overrated, though, and that I should've waited for the right woman instead