What was the "Final Straw" that made you decide to CTB?

[amnesia999]

When I worked for the Employment Department, we had to determine why people were fired, or quit. (State and federal law required us to.) Often, people had "laundry lists" of things that had happened, and wanted to vent about all of them. But we had to find out what the "final incident" was; i.e. ask, why were you fired that day, or why did you quit that day. The reason is sometimes difficult to determine.

It's similar here, in this forum. When people talk about what led them to this dark point in their lives, they often write walls of text describing everything from the trauma that happened to them as a child, to the way society treats them now. But my question is, what was the final incident, the straw that broke the camel's back, the one thing that happened, that made you decide to (for example) order the rope and set the day and time?

 

[orange7201]

I don't think that really is a thing for most. Hence why you see the walls of text.

Very few people have one singular event in their lives that leads them to taking their lives or makes them "snap." It is usually a variety of factors, plus the passage of time.

If I had to boil it down to one thing, it would be that the passage of time has not made my situation any better, and so I don't see why I am keeping myself alive in such suffering. It clearly isn't going to get better, so what am I waiting for.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, there's no final straw, rather for me ceasing to exist is the positive solution to find true permanent peace from this existence so torturous and terrible that I just always saw as a mistake, existence is the problem that only ever tortures existing beings all for the sake of it with no limit as to how much agony one can feel and for me non-existence is just all that could ever be desirable in this existence of futile, torturous suffering. To exist will always be an abomination to me and all I want is to erase this existence so it's like I never suffered at all, I'd be long at peace if dying painlessly wasn't made illegal by humans who want others to be tortured in this existence for as long as possible.

 

[wehamuho]

i dont think theres a final straw these problems have been since forever, like im fucked by a lot of problems & health issues that cause loneliness, i cant work & they interweb each other you know? like they do feed each other and grow bigger and worse than they would be alone

 

[Agon321]

It's a snowball. Every day it gets bigger and bigger until it hits the wall. I don't know when it will come. Chaos is the only good description of my current mental state. I'm tired, but I still exist. I don't have the guts to kill myself, so I kill myself slowly every day.

 

[i_am_done]

I've been slowly getting closer and closer to suicide and when my parents kick me out I'm going to ctb.

 

[HopelessBread]

I don't know if there was a particular final straw for me, at most probably the realization that not a single one of my problems will ever be solved and my life is only going to get worse the longer I continue to exist.

 

[Forveleth]

I have been suicidal for decades, putting up with a lot of bullshit from the people who were supposed to be closest to me and love me more than anyone else. However, there was a night where I got in a fight with my abusive asshole husband where he basically outright stated that he would make a divorce messy if I ever decided to leave him after maybe 30 minutes before yelling at me that he wanted a divorce. It started me thinking that even if I wanted to get away from him, he could still ruin my life afterwards, and even if not, the fight to escape him would be incredibly difficult. It was that moment that I realized that the struggle that I have gone through for four decades really is not worth continuing and that death is far preferable to continuing to work so hard for a life that is unbelievably unrewarding and absolutely not worth it.

 

[kittybangbang]

Easy question...realizing I'm going to be homeless in less than 3 weeks. I've already lost everything else in my life. Having no home, no job, no family, no friends, no real reason to even keep trying...it was an easy decision.

 

[ZEROEDOUT]

Avoidant Discard.

 

[PeaceSeeker83]

Early on in the year, being a new year, I just came to the realisation that I have finally had enough of life. It is just the same old, same old, year in and year out. Everything has a limit, plus longstanding mental health conditions have worn me down somewhat.

 

[itsgone2]

My company being sold. It triggered me waking up to the awful life I've led, which I had started to realize and was working on. But the sale removed stability in my life. Time to go though I'm quite scared to do it

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it varies from person to person. For many, I imagine it's more of a slow burn, rather than something dramatic and out of the blue. Although, I suppose it could be both. Many people here have been struggling severely enough to consider suicide from childhood though.

Maybe, it's more the opposite of this- maybe it's not external pressures but rather- inner resilience/ ability to cope with them. Plus- enough of a fear of life to push them through SI and the fear of death.

That's more what it is for me- more of a gradual grinding down and realising that I have less resilience and tolerance to cope with life anymore.

I think also- for me- my most suicidal periods have coincided with my coping mechanism (being creative) failing. Without that, there's little reason to stay and no buffer.

For me though, it's a sort of mixture. There could absolutely be things bad enough to trigger me to suicide in order to avoid them- so- the straw and camel scenario. Really though- it's more like the traffic lights are on amber for me. I'm raring to go in fact. But, there are certain things that will need to happen for me to feel able to. I want to wait for my Dad to go first. I'll want to be in a convenient position work- wise. I'll want my affairs in order and I imagine I'll struggle with overcoming the fear of doing it- SI.

For me- it's more like the decision has been made for many years. I'm just waiting for the time to feel right to do it.

That's an interesting job you had though. Even in that scenario though- quitting jobs- there were straw breaking camel's backs moments as well as more slow burn motivations to quit jobs. I suppose it disturbs me though too. What was the purpose of doing that? To try and work out how much a company can exploit its staff before they start quitting? The firing side of it is interesting too. Was the solution to have more stages in between? More warning stages?

 

[logen9inefingers]

Slow realisation that things are only going to get worse and worse and id rather not be around.

 

[DeadManLiving]

Betrayal and a Breach of Trust by someone you thought loved you, but was gaming you the whole time.

 

[h4ppyhypoxia]

was planning on CTB next year, but im doing it this year instead, someone i was friends with stopped talking to me because my mental illness was too much for him, just made me realise, if witnessing a fraction of my symptoms is enough to never even want a simple conversation with me ever again, why should i have to live in them full force 24/7?