What uncomfortable questions arise in a family when one of them ctb?

[Volatile]

i realize that the feeling of anger they feel towards the person comes from their inability to force that person back into this life. Probably from jealousy too

 

[throwaway123]

i realize that the feeling of anger they feel towards the person comes from their inability to force that person back into this life. Probably from jealousy too

Volatile you're back!

I thought you were dead.

 

[Volatile]

Volatile you're back!

I thought you were dead.

Hey I've been trying to give life another chance but it's not working. Also I've been trying to read the few books left on my bucket list. I just finished Buried Dreams: Inside the Mind of John Wayne Gacy. Not a healthy book to read when depressed lol

 

[throwaway123]

Hey I've been trying to give life another chance but it's not working. Also I've been trying to read the few books left on my bucket list. I just finished Buried Dreams: Inside the Mind of John Wayne Gacy. Not a healthy book to read when depressed lol

Sorry to hear that.

 

[Volatile]

Sorry to hear that.

I'm thinking I'd have to ctb this month if I'm going to do it since thanksgiving and Christmas are around the corner

 

[throwaway123]

I'm thinking I'd have to ctb this month if I'm going to do it since thanksgiving and Christmas are around the corner

How do you plan on overcoming your survival instinct?

 

[Volatile]

I'm thinking I'd have to ctb this month if I'm going to do it since thanksgiving and Christmas are around the corner

How do you plan on overcoming your survival instinct?

alcohol. I haven't drank any in so long that I don't know if it'll work or what the effect will be. I know that when I'm slightly drunk that everything seems great and I'm carefree but I don't recall being more prone to suicide because of it. Due to my meds, I can't drink for fun.

 

[Sayo]

I was thinking the other day things were a bit different without you here. Good on you for getting off here and giving things a go though. Mind sharing the list of books?

Sorry for no on-topic response, I'm trying to avoid thinking too hard about this topic actually. I imagine there are recurrent problems to do with blame, neglect, etc., but all manifest idiosyncratically ('every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way'). I just wanted to say hi to Volatile. :)

 

[throwaway123]

alcohol. I haven't drank any in so long that I don't know if it'll work or what the effect will be. I know that when I'm slightly drunk that everything seems great and I'm carefree but I don't recall being more prone to suicide because of it. Due to my meds, I can't drink for fun.

Be careful with the dosage. You might end up being saved if you're too drunk to do it.

 

[Volatile]

I was thinking the other day things were a bit different without you here. Good on you for getting off here and giving things a go though. Mind sharing the list of books?

Sorry for no on-topic response, I'm trying to avoid thinking too hard about this topic actually. I imagine there are recurrent problems to do with blame, neglect, etc., but all manifest idiosyncratically ('every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way'). I just wanted to say hi to Volatile. :)

Hi :) I'm trying to get through The Idiot by Dostoevsky, The Greatest Show On Earth by Richard Dawkins, The Last Two Million Years by Reader's Digest, and a textbook that goes over 20th century American history.

I've wanted to have a good grasp of world history and 20th century America, and evolution BEFORE I DIE because not knowing the big picture really frustrates me in an obsessive pathological way.

The problem is I feel compelled to read these books because of my OCD, so going through my list is more stressful than enjoyable. I don't even feel a sense of accomplishment when I finish a book anymore. I just feel a small release of stress.

But then I realize that a moment after death these books will become irrelevant. It's all so stressful...this life.

Edit: I sometimes think that maybe I should ctb before completing my reading list because that means I will die having beat my OCD. My OCD says I can't ctb til the list is done which puts a ton of stress on me.

 

[Sayo]

Hi :) I'm trying to get through The Idiot by Dostoevsky, The Greatest Show On Earth by Richard Dawkins, The Last Two Million Years by Reader's Digest, and a textbook that goes over 20th century American history.

I've wanted to have a good grasp of world history and 20th century America, and evolution BEFORE I DIE because not knowing the big picture really frustrates me in an obsessive pathological way.

The problem is I feel compelled to read these books because of my OCD, so going through my list is more stressful than enjoyable. I don't even feel a sense of accomplishment when I finish a book anymore. I just feel a small release of stress.

But then I realize that a moment after death these books will become irrelevant. It's all so stressful...this life.

Same. OCD is fucked, it contaminates even your hobbies - reading is my biggest hobby and I feel exactly the same way about books now, even by my favourite authors. Consumption for the sake of consumption is surprisingly agitating for something so empty. I'm sorry though, 'cause wanting to understand something before you die is cool.

The only way I know how to deal with it is to just read for the sake of maximally saturating my enjoyment of some of it, and refusing to think about completing it.

Evolution is bizarrely beautiful, and I wonder if reading about it might help you cope with the idea that death and life work in tandem. (Many things in biology have done this for me - ecology, cell physiology, and the way trees incorporate their old dead wood into their plumbing)

 

[Volatile]

Same. OCD is fucked, it contaminates even your hobbies - reading is my biggest hobby and I feel exactly the same way about books now, even by my favourite authors. Consumption for the sake of consumption is surprisingly agitating for something so empty. I'm sorry though, 'cause wanting to understand something before you die is cool.

The only way I know how to deal with it is to just read for the sake of maximally saturating my enjoyment of some of it, and refusing to think about completing it.

Evolution is bizarrely beautiful, and I wonder if reading about it might help you cope with the idea that death and life work in tandem. (Many things in biology have done this for me - ecology, cell physiology, and the way trees incorporate their old dead wood into their plumbing)

I read recently that running daily can reverse OCD. The problem then is that my Avoidant Personality Disorder makes me so self conscious that running becomes agonizing.

I'm on chapter 6 of that evolution book. It's kind of tedious though. It does help some in putting life and death in perspective. More easy on my mind than the Bible. Threats of Hell are why I couldn't ctb as a teen.