What the hell can I possibly do at this point to feel good for once?

[Unending]

All that seems to work is self-medicating and cutting. I keep thinking about going back to self-medicating but am low on money and too scared to leave the house. I wish I could have at least some moments of joy. Any feeling I have that isn't unpleasant doesn't really feel good, rather it feels like a minor relief from a major pain. Ugh... NOTHING WORKS!!

I'm scared to even ask because I literally can not obtain joy from anything that doesn't directly put a chemical into my brain. Cutting is mediocre as it is, I just can't take this cycle of feeling terrible and then feeling nothing and going back and forth...
I wouldn't even be close to thinking about self-medicating if one out of the bunch of endless treatments actually worked. I'm kind of cornered here unless I want to be in hell, even then I'm cornered because I'll still be in hell later eitherway, more so if I make a habit out of substances again.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I hate to say it- I know it's the last thing you probably want to hear- but I'm guessing that NOT self medicating is probably the longer term key. I'm not trying to criticize you. I don't really self medicate that much- asides from alcohol rarely but I do abuse food. I comfort eat- and I expect all this rubbish food does just the same thing as drugs really- puts us on a high- then, we crash and need more. Really though- it's just making me fatter and want more food in the long run. I know it's not working but it's a difficult cycle it is to break. I'm so sorry. I wish I knew what to suggest. I wish our bodies were designed to respond to quick fixes- but sadly- they seem more geared to respond well to suffering- healthy diet and exercise. I wish there were other things you enjoyed. Is it that you've never really enjoyed things- or, have you just lost interest in stuff?

 

[Georg]

Alcohol can numb the pain and it's easy to get

 

[Unending]

I hate to say it- I know it's the last thing you probably want to hear- but I'm guessing that NOT self medicating is probably the longer term key. I'm not trying to criticize you. I don't really self medicate that much- asides from alcohol rarely but I do abuse food. I comfort eat- and I expect all this rubbish food does just the same thing as drugs really- puts us on a high- then, we crash and need more. Really though- it's just making me fatter and want more food in the long run. I know it's not working but it's a difficult cycle it is to break. I'm so sorry. I wish I knew what to suggest. I wish our bodies were designed to respond to quick fixes- but sadly- they seem more geared to respond well to suffering- healthy diet and exercise. I wish there were other things you enjoyed. Is it that you've never really enjoyed things- or, have you just lost interest in stuff?

I have brief periods where I can find minimal enjoyment in real life but it's just greatly overshadowed by my mind. There have been better times and there have been worse but in general I feel really bad. All I use these days really is caffeine and nicotine but tried to buy some kratom yesterday because I just couldn't take it anymore. Had an intense panic and went back home instead of making it to a store that had it.