What life feels like for me.

[Mia Wallace]

I heard a quote before about suicide and it was along the lines of being in a high rise building that was on fire and the flames are continuously growing closer and you have two choices: to jump or get burnt to death, so you jump. They compared it to a person who commits suicide. They don't want to jump but it seems like it's the lesser of two evils when things get to a certain point.
I want to go off of this quote…
I feel like I've been on that ledge of whether to jump or not since a kid, like 8 years old kid. Whenever I try to go back into the building (or have hope) I end up in a smoky room so I run back to that fearful ledge almost knowing it will eventually be my destiny where I will have to jump. It feels safe there for awhile but never a good feeling either.
I try to collect my thoughts and inject hope into my life again, coming off the ledge and going back down to that front door of the building (I'll associate with freedom here) but nope! Get caught up from an even smokier room and I run back up to that ledge to catch a breath but I'm still stuck.
As time passes, I can only go down maybe a floor if that, before I have to run back to that ledge again.
Now I feel like the flames are in the room that I'm about to jump from. It's hot, uncomfortable and I know for sure there's no chance of getting to that ground door of freedom. No turning back now. My only option is to jump.

 

[Dried_Ink]

Very thought provoking metaphor…Maybe there's a fireproof room in the structure to provide some temporary emotional relief and distraction from whatever sort of ultimatum the ledge represents.

 

[Mia Wallace]

Very thought provoking metaphor…Maybe there's a fireproof room in the structure to provide some temporary emotional relief and distraction from whatever sort of ultimatum the ledge represents.

Thank you reamream12. If so, I never found it

 

[hungry_ghost]

The quote is from David Foster Wallace, I believe.

 

[Zegers]

Feels like being in a maze, no matter where you go, no matter what you do, the fire is behind you, I feel a bit like that, mainly because the problem is my life itself.

 

[veryhappyhuman]

Great visual image. If I may extend it: the prolifer's are like "just dump sand on the flames", which on surface sounds great, but only I know that there's no sand in the building! I yell that at them and they just don't believe it.

Edit: typo

 

[Mia Wallace]

Great visual image. If I may extend it: the prolifer's are like "jump dump sand on the flames", which on surface sounds great, but only I know that there's no sand in the building! I yell that at them and they just don't believe it.

Yeah and everyone not affected by mental illness gets to walk amongst the streets free as can be and I can only watch from a distance and the closest shot I have at being amongst them is being splattered across the concrete for them to walk over me one last time. Shit that's dark lol but it's a true representation of how it feels to live in a suicidal mind for so long

 

[Infernal]

Everything about his metaphor really describes the situation perfectly. I'm trapped between emotional agony (life) and physical agony (suicide). And the older I get and more time goes on, the bigger the fire grows. Sooner or later jumping really will be the lesser of two evils, unless I can somehow put out the fire. But we all know that the bigger a fire grows the harder it is to control or put out.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know which quote you mean. It does feel as though in a life like this, suffering is inescapable. Life is just endless misery and problems with no escape apart from death. I'm sorry that you suffer so much. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief as none of us should ever have to endure such pain.