What is your motivation for recovery?

[fiasco]

It's either recovery, or death. And we'll all die eventually, so might as well give myself one last chance.

Honestly, same

 

[lastappleonearth]

There isn't much. I have no family legacy to carry on, won't be having kids or getting married. The realization that I'm literally all alone in this world is a major downer and causes me to feel out of place here.

Motivation is not wanting to end up homeless or have to ctb because I really don't want to but strongly feel that it is the inevitable outcome I'm facing.

I do still like many aspects of life and the world and believe I could still be relatively content if I can just break free from the loop I'm stuck in before it's too late.

I can relate, it's so difficult to break out of that loop tho

 

[StarryEyed]

Yes! A lot of people seem to resonate with IFS. I have tried to get trained in it actually. It is so hard though, there are too many people who want to take the training and not enough trainers. I read No Bad Parts and taken what I could from that. Have you read it?

I like what you said! Maybe it doesnt have to be a specific reason you want to get better, maybe because you can leave the world a better place than when you came into it, or simply because you want to feel better. I can respect that. Those does seem like completely valid reasons to me. Thanks for your input!

Yes, I've been reading No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz off and on for over a year now. I'm on Chapter 4. But I keep getting distracted. Before that I tried for about a year reading one of his previous books called 'Greater Than the Sum of Our Parts', which is pretty much the same as No Bad Parts. I've been very focused on adapting to my mobility disability the past few years so that I've had little time or energy to devote to my suicidal part. But I can't hold off anymore.

It's very encouraging to hear you say that IFS helped, even though it's for a short time. Thank you for your inspiration.

When you say you want to get trained in IFS, what does that mean?

 

[StarsAbove]

Yes, I've been reading No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz off and on for over a year now. I'm on Chapter 4. But I keep getting distracted. Before that I tried for about a year reading one of his previous books called 'Greater Than the Sum of Our Parts', which is pretty much the same as No Bad Parts. I've been very focused on adapting to my mobility disability the past few years so that I've had little time or energy to devote to my suicidal part. But I can't hold off anymore.

It's very encouraging to hear you say that IFS helped, even though it's for a short time. Thank you for your inspiration.

When you say you want to get trained in IFS, what does that mean?

Oh no, that must be challenging to adapt to. We really take walking for granted until it is compromised. I had a painful neuroma before that prevented me from walking or standing long. Thankfully I got a steroid shot that helped, but I will never forget that!

That is nice of you to say, Thanks for interacting with me!

I was going to get trained in using IFS as a therapeutic modality with my clients

 

[StarryEyed]

Oh no, that must be challenging to adapt to. We really take walking for granted until it is compromised. I had a painful neuroma before that prevented me from walking or standing long. Thankfully I got a steroid shot that helped, but I will never forget that!

That is nice of you to say, Thanks for interacting with me!

I was going to get trained in using IFS as a therapeutic modality with my clients

Oh, I didn't know you're a therapist.

The compliment I gave was even higher than saying thanks for interacting. I said you inspire me.

Yes, the immobility is very challenging to adapt to. Plus it's torn open trauma wounds due to similarities to past traumas. Due to those two reasons my suicide part is getting stronger.

I'm unclear as to what you're saying.....
-So you did shadow work on your parts, which worked for a lot of parts but not the suicide part (as is my experience)?
-Plus you did IFS for yourself, by reading No Bad Parts?
-But the IFS didn't work for your suicide part?

 

[StarsAbove]

You are most kind

I am so sorry that the trauma is resurfacing. The body certainly keeps the score. I wish you healing, both the physical and emotional kind.

Shadow work was effective for some time on other aspects of my life, I did not explore my suicidal part. I more so focused on how my family treated me is not a reflection of me, and I was able to see them as flawed people who must havw also been deeply wounded and it allowed for compassion.....temporarily. these are things I must revisit apparently because it did was not a permanent mindset shift

I mainly read the book to learn how to apply it in practice with clients. I also bought a work book to do on myself but honestly struggled with it. I think I would prefer to do it with a therapist

 

[NZkiwi]

its late and im a little loopy

i used to have a joke that my motivation to live was to sleep with hot women and make lots of money

yeah i know its superficial, but there is an element of truth

not a sustainable goal and unfortunatly not a reason to live/recover currently

i have made fenuine pesce living a simple and single life and now that motivation is gone

or my depression has turned all my ungodly desires off


idk will chat ith my psychologist and get back to you

 

[StarsAbove]

i used to have a joke that my motivation to live was to sleep with hot women and make lots of money

yeah i know its superficial, but there is an element of truth

Honestly, Ive heard worse 5 year plans

 

[ilovecats1]

mine would be not wanting to give trauma to my niece and siblings that i live with. i dont know if i will actually try "recovery" i feel so sorry for what im going to do to them.

 

[vitbar]

When I'm not in a depressive episode I quite like living, perhaps against my better judgement, love it even. Even some of the sad things.

At minimum it's a wild weird thing to be alive. I might yet choose to die, but I hope to see a lot more before I do. Try and do some good, brighten the lives of others where I can.

 

[Musiclover338]

gta6

 

[Acidic_Fries]

My motivation is to be able to finish all the old pokemon video games. And find a soulmate that also loves video games.

 

[StarryEyed]

You are most kind

I am so sorry that the trauma is resurfacing. The body certainly keeps the score. I wish you healing, both the physical and emotional kind.

Shadow work was effective for some time on other aspects of my life, I did not explore my suicidal part. I more so focused on how my family treated me is not a reflection of me, and I was able to see them as flawed people who must havw also been deeply wounded and it allowed for compassion.....temporarily. these are things I must revisit apparently because it did was not a permanent mindset shift

I mainly read the book to learn how to apply it in practice with clients. I also bought a work book to do on myself but honestly struggled with it. I think I would prefer to do it with a therapist

Thank you for your sympathy. I'm sorry you too are back to needing to revisit your trauma. I'll be starting up the book again in 2-3 weeks. If you want to bounce ideas off each other, that would be great.

Indeed the body keeps the score. Unbelievable how trauma is stored everywhere in the body. Did you know severe childhood trauma can knock up to 20 years off a person's life? I just found that out last year, and I think that's fair, because living with my history is absolutely, positively brutal. Knowing about that shortened lifespan is the biggest reason I'm able to get through the day now.

Thank you for listening

 

[angelblood]

I've failed attempts multiple times, and regret wasting years of my life obsessed with death instead of growing. I still wanna die, but if I'm around still in five years I don't want to repeat the same patterns that ruin my life.

 

[StarryEyed]

@angelblood you made think of one of the famous John Lennon lyrics, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans". A lot of people miss out on life, whether they're planning suicide or something else. Best of luck on your new focus.

 

[angelblood]

@angelblood you made think of one of the famous John Lennon lyrics, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans". A lot of people miss out on life, whether they're planning suicide or something else. Best of luck on your new focus.

It's sorta a split focus. I'm seeking therapy and trying to get better. But also struggling to source SN and reading about other methods. I really need one of the two to work out.

 

[lastappleonearth]

At this point just being able to relax again

 

[StarryEyed]

It's sorta a split focus. I'm seeking therapy and trying to get better. But also struggling to source SN and reading about other methods. I really need one of the two to work out.

I'm doing the same. It seems the best way I can function is if I cater to both parts - the part that wants to stay and the part that wants to go. You know, I think maybe that's okay. Yeah, most people don't understand this perspective, but there's a lot of me that doesn't make sense to most people. But I've learned to make sense of those parts.

Reminds me of one of my favourite lyrics by Tom Petty, from his song 'Rebels', where he sings, "I was born a rebel...with one foot in the grave and one foot on the pedal."

 

[angelblood]

I'm doing the same. It seems the best way I can function is if I cater to both parts - the part that wants to stay and the part that wants to go. You know, I think maybe that's okay. Yeah, most people don't understand this perspective, but there's a lot of me that doesn't make sense to most people. But I've learned to make sense of those parts.

Reminds me of one of my favourite lyrics by Tom Petty, from his song 'Rebels', where he sings, "I was born a rebel...with one foot in the grave and one foot on the pedal."

That kind of thinking's helped me survive for a long time when things were horrible in different ways than they are now. I wish it was more consistant, I lose sight of it and get flooded with the bad parts pretty often. (it actually started when I started estrogen, it felt like the way I think changed when different hormones hit and left my body)

 

[StarsAbove]

Thank you for your sympathy. I'm sorry you too are back to needing to revisit your trauma. I'll be starting up the book again in 2-3 weeks. If you want to bounce ideas off each other, that would be great.

Indeed the body keeps the score. Unbelievable how trauma is stored everywhere in the body. Did you know severe childhood trauma can knock up to 20 years off a person's life? I just found that out last year, and I think that's fair, because living with my history is absolutely, positively brutal. Knowing about that shortened lifespan is the biggest reason I'm able to get through the day now.

Thank you for listening

Thanks so much! That would be great!

My condolences about your trauma
I absolutely believe it though, many people with chronic illness/autoimmune disease have trauma histories. Oh I was expecting you to be upset about the shortened lifespan lol. I would be just fine with that as well. I dont want to get sick and frail, and just be existing at that point.

 

[melon-melancholy]

I still have things I want to try and do even though I'm scared to live. I'm also afraid of what happens if I survive an attempt.

 

[StarryEyed]

That kind of thinking's helped me survive for a long time when things were horrible in different ways than they are now. I wish it was more consistant, I lose sight of it and get flooded with the bad parts pretty often. (it actually started when I started estrogen, it felt like the way I think changed when different hormones hit and left my body)

What's the estrogen for? Definitely hormones change your thinking patterns. Do you do anything to try to reinforce split focus, as you call it? BTW, that's a perfect term!

Thanks so much! That would be great!

My condolences about your trauma
I absolutely believe it though, many people with chronic illness/autoimmune disease have trauma histories. Oh I was expecting you to be upset about the shortened lifespan lol. I would be just fine with that as well. I dont want to get sick and frail, and just be existing at that point.

Thank you for your condolences. You're referring to the book "The Body Keeps the Score", right? Just the traumatic childhood is too much, then add the subsequent traumatic psychiatric treatment, then the subsequent traumatic medical treatment. Fuck. I'm done. Like forever ago.

To be clear, I'd like to talk about the "No Bad Parts" book on IFS (Internal Family Systems) as peers - not from your viewpoint as a therapist. Since this thread is about our motivation for recovery, IFS doesn't fit here, so I'll start a new thread. I'll post it today and come back here with the link. Hopefully we can get others to join

 

[sometimelater]

deltarune chapter 6 and 7, gta 6... oh i guess i'd like to learn more about the esoteric, human history, it'd probably be cool to know the realities of the universe and what actually is going on with this whole existence thing

 

[StarsAbove]

What's the estrogen for? Definitely hormones change your thinking patterns. Do you do anything to try to reinforce split focus, as you call it? BTW, that's a perfect term!



Thank you for your condolences. You're referring to the book "The Body Keeps the Score", right? Just the traumatic childhood is too much, then add the subsequent traumatic psychiatric treatment, then the subsequent traumatic medical treatment. Fuck. I'm done. Like forever ago.

To be clear, I'd like to talk about the "No Bad Parts" book on IFS (Internal Family Systems) as peers - not from your viewpoint as a therapist. Since this thread is about our motivation for recovery, IFS doesn't fit here, so I'll start a new thread. I'll post it today and come back here with the link. Hopefully we can get others to join

Yes I was referring to the book. I hope you find the right treatment.

I appreciate that. I dont want to feel like I am working.

 

[StarryEyed]

Yes I was referring to the book. I hope you find the right treatment.

I appreciate that. I dont want to feel like I am working.

All psychiatric and medical treatments are on maintenance now. Nothing more to add. But I'd still love to get this suicidal ideation kicked down a few notches. Maybe the IFS is the answer. Hopefully.

Here is the thread. I hope you join. Maybe others too.

IFS therapy (Internal Family Systems) support group using book "No Bad Parts" for our suicidal part

This is a thread to discuss IFS therapy (Internal Family Systems) used for suicidal ideation. The plan is to read the book and do the exercises in the book that was written by the founder of IFS, Richard Schwartz. The book is "No Bad Parts." Here it is...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[gattara]

well i dont want to die. i really would like to find some way to continue living. i just struggle a lot with suicidal thoughts, negative obsessions, etc. i also like making art so i have that.

 

[angelblood]

What's the estrogen for? Definitely hormones change your thinking patterns. Do you do anything to try to reinforce split focus, as you call it? BTW, that's a perfect term!

trans stuff.

What's the estrogen for? Definitely hormones change your thinking patterns. Do you do anything to try to reinforce split focus, as you call it? BTW, that's a perfect term!

for transition stuff. im not sure if anything helps, it just sorta clicked one day that things could be horrible and things could be ok at the same time. some DBT stuff might help to reduce black and white thinking. or focusing on the good parts that usually get buried under the mental illness. i wish i could give a better answer, im not in a good state lately.

 

[StarryEyed]

@angelblood I've heard the mental side effects of estrogen for gender reassignment can even be a contraindication to taking it. I hope you're okay and it's only affecting your thinking a little. It's a tough road and hopefully well worth it for you.

I've been thinking about your "split focus" term. It's so beautiful. It's a term used in photography, in case you don't know. (I adore photography.)

 

[TheblueBunny]

My biggest motivation, currently, for continuing on is the possibility of receiving a service dog! It's not always enough to feel like the fight is worth it, but on the better days it makes a future seem possible

 

[StarsAbove]

My biggest motivation, currently, for continuing on is the possibility of receiving a service dog! It's not always enough to feel like the fight is worth it, but on the better days it makes a future seem possible

Aw! Pets make everything better. what is the service dog for?