Help What if you know that someone very close to you is planning CTB?

[ButterToast]

I know someone who is clearly planning to CTB. I know this person is already suicidal, and I definitely notice their psyche has been degrading for the past few months. Mentally ill, almost no friends, social withdrawal, ect; making a good candidate to CTB. Recently this person asked me strange ass things, like:

"What do you think is a good date between XX and YY?" - Weird because there's literally no reason to ask for a 'good' date, it's not like this person is going to propose or is planning marriage and such.

"Is it worth it to buy something you want if it's not going to be used for a long time?" - This person wanted to buy a new laptop for work, and was very eager to up to 2-3 weeks ago, but now they are leaning heavily towards 'NO' because "I'm not going to use it for long."

This person usually cares about what they eat (healthy), but now they don't care saying "I'm not going to do it for long."

and more subtle things, but it's 110% clear this person is planning to CTB. I'm in a daze right now, my mind is full of questions, What do I do? I'm fairly close to this person, I know their family will be devastated, I'm the only person currently even remotely close to this person, I don't want to be in any way responsible nor feel guilty. I know I can't just confront them, or call the police, or whatever. What should I do? Just pretend I don't notice and maybe let this person CTB? I know they may bail out last second, but I cant afford to take chance. Should I tell them or say smth to them? Should I call a professional and let them handle whatever comes next? I don't know what's the best course of action. I understand the struggle very well, I've gotten to a point where I wrote letters, but man, I cannot let this just happen. My brain is FRIED darn it

 

[dinosavr]

You definitely should ask them directly about it and convince them to talk about it honestly. And I think that you can offer your help with recovery if you feel capable of doing that. Of course you can force them to reach out for help but it's not something I personally would agree with. So it depends how you feel about other people's suicides.

 

[ButterToast]

You definitely should ask them directly about it and convince them to talk about it honestly. And I think that you can offer your help with recovery if you feel capable of doing that. Of course you can force them to reach out for help but it's not something I personally would agree with. So it depends how you feel about other people's suicides.

As someone who have contemplated myself, it is one of those things that I understand why people do it, but I don't agree with it, at the same time, I don't blame people for it. I'll consider your suggestion, thanks!

 

[okuhvtuji]

I know someone who is clearly planning to CTB. I know this person is already suicidal, and I definitely notice their psyche has been degrading for the past few months. Mentally ill, almost no friends, social withdrawal, ect; making a good candidate to CTB. Recently this person asked me strange ass things, like:

"What do you think is a good date between XX and YY?" - Weird because there's literally no reason to ask for a 'good' date, it's not like this person is going to propose or is planning marriage and such.

"Is it worth it to buy something you want if it's not going to be used for a long time?" - This person wanted to buy a new laptop for work, and was very eager to up to 2-3 weeks ago, but now they are leaning heavily towards 'NO' because "I'm not going to use it for long."

This person usually cares about what they eat (healthy), but now they don't care saying "I'm not going to do it for long."

and more subtle things, but it's 110% clear this person is planning to CTB. I'm in a daze right now, my mind is full of questions, What do I do? I'm fairly close to this person, I know their family will be devastated, I'm the only person currently even remotely close to this person, I don't want to be in any way responsible nor feel guilty. I know I can't just confront them, or call the police, or whatever. What should I do? Just pretend I don't notice and maybe let this person CTB? I know they may bail out last second, but I cant afford to take chance. Should I tell them or say smth to them? Should I call a professional and let them handle whatever comes next? I don't know what's the best course of action. I understand the struggle very well, I've gotten to a point where I wrote letters, but man, I cannot let this just happen. My brain is FRIED darn it

confront this person, see if they can seek help. I'm not pro-life at all costs, but if this person is committed they'll find a way regardless of what you say. Talk with them.

 

[Artemisia]

Be there for them, without judging. If they open up and there's something you can and want to do for them, do it. That's it. It's not for you to decide their life and death.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

You have to respect their decision. Offer them to talk about their problems, be there for them, but don't force anything on them, respect their personal decision if you cannot solve their problems that make them suicidal.

It's the ever-unsolvable problem: Either their family/friends suffer for some time bc of the loss or your friend has to suffer for many more decades.

 

[Bruce]

You definitely should ask them directly about it and convince them to talk about it honestly. And I think that you can offer your help with recovery if you feel capable of doing that.

Ask but do not push it, see if they need help with whatever they decide to do but do not force it! Be there for them if needed but don't suffocate them! They decided on being alone for a reason.

 

[ButterToast]

confront this person, see if they can seek help. I'm not pro-life at all costs, but if this person is committed they'll find a way regardless of what you say. Talk with them.

You have to respect their decision. Offer them to talk about their problems, be there for them, but don't force anything on them, respect their personal decision if you cannot solve their problems that make them suicidal.

It's the ever-unsolvable problem: Either their family/friends suffer for some time bc of the loss or your friend has to suffer for many more decades.

Ask but do not push it, see if they need help with whatever they decide to do but do not force it! Be there for them if needed but don't suffocate them! They decided on being alone for a reason.

Be there for them, without judging. If they open up and there's something you can and want to do for them, do it. That's it. It's not for you to decide their life and death.

Thanks for the kind replies guys, I'll assess the situation more, I think I know exactly the date they want to CTB, I'll try to see and if things seem to escalate in the future, I'd like to give a talk, but damn it is difficult to start the convo. Imagine starting a convo with 'Hey, I know what you're planning..."

I can only hope for the best

 

[indefinitesleep]

try have a conversation be honest and give them an ear to listen if they want to vent about how they truly feel, after that suggest getting help (not forcefully) and offer them support

Thanks for the kind replies guys, I'll assess the situation more, I think I know exactly the date they want to CTB, I'll try to see and if things seem to escalate in the future, I'd like to give a talk, but damn it is difficult to start the convo. Imagine starting a convo with 'Hey, I know what you're planning..."

I can only hope for the best

just politely say youve noticed many signs from them that concern you when theres a good moment for it

 

[Ash]

Be honest with them. I think that's all we ask from our friends. If you've noticed something that concerns you: raise it, obviously in a kind and sensitive manner. Don't be judgemental. I've learnt so much about people and different thought processes from being on this site and I assume the same is true for most of us so use that experience and don't have any expectations. Just listen.

But, you may or may not get a welcome reception. Be prepared for that too.

 

[dinosavr]

Ask but do not push it, see if they need help with whatever they decide to do but do not force it! Be there for them if needed but don't suffocate them! They decided on being alone for a reason.

That's exactly what I meant. As long as you are pro-choice. Or even if you're not, it's essential to respect someone else's right to choose.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

Hey, I know what you're planning..."

probably not the best intro XD

seems like they are definitely leaving clues aka reaching out for help. like everyone said, try to get him/her to open up. not sure you want the responsibility of being their savior. are you prepared to be bff? i certainly don't envy your position. somehow i'm thinking you'll need more therapy than the other person. try not to think about it too much. even the 'professionals' may not be able to help. i've never reached out for help and even if i did, it wouldn't be the same situation.

if that person wants to talk... listen if you'd like but don't expect to solve their problems or prevent anything. i hope you don't call the authorities. that's probably the last thing they want.

you mentioned that you had your own thoughts. maybe that's a good start? maybe even introduce that person to this site?

 

[Artemisia]

Thanks for the kind replies guys, I'll assess the situation more, I think I know exactly the date they want to CTB, I'll try to see and if things seem to escalate in the future, I'd like to give a talk, but damn it is difficult to start the convo. Imagine starting a convo with 'Hey, I know what you're planning..."

I can only hope for the best

I'd try going in more subtly, more like "You haven't been well lately, I'm worried about you. I'm here if you wanna talk, you know? Maybe there's something I can help with..." But we all have our own styles, of course. I'm just saying, I wouldn't be so frontal about it.

 

[okuhvtuji]

Thanks for the kind replies guys, I'll assess the situation more, I think I know exactly the date they want to CTB, I'll try to see and if things seem to escalate in the future, I'd like to give a talk, but damn it is difficult to start the convo. Imagine starting a convo with 'Hey, I know what you're planning..."

I can only hope for the best

You can tell them, you've been there and you understand the situation they're in.

 

[2messdup]

I know someone who is clearly planning to CTB. I know this person is already suicidal, and I definitely notice their psyche has been degrading for the past few months. Mentally ill, almost no friends, social withdrawal, ect; making a good candidate to CTB. Recently this person asked me strange ass things, like:

"What do you think is a good date between XX and YY?" - Weird because there's literally no reason to ask for a 'good' date, it's not like this person is going to propose or is planning marriage and such.

"Is it worth it to buy something you want if it's not going to be used for a long time?" - This person wanted to buy a new laptop for work, and was very eager to up to 2-3 weeks ago, but now they are leaning heavily towards 'NO' because "I'm not going to use it for long."

This person usually cares about what they eat (healthy), but now they don't care saying "I'm not going to do it for long."

and more subtle things, but it's 110% clear this person is planning to CTB. I'm in a daze right now, my mind is full of questions, What do I do? I'm fairly close to this person, I know their family will be devastated, I'm the only person currently even remotely close to this person, I don't want to be in any way responsible nor feel guilty. I know I can't just confront them, or call the police, or whatever. What should I do? Just pretend I don't notice and maybe let this person CTB? I know they may bail out last second, but I cant afford to take chance. Should I tell them or say smth to them? Should I call a professional and let them handle whatever comes next? I don't know what's the best course of action. I understand the struggle very well, I've gotten to a point where I wrote letters, but man, I cannot let this just happen. My brain is FRIED darn it

It is better to go somewhere with them where it is quiet and where you won't be disturbed or overheard, and ask them directly and clearly if they are planning to take their own life. Be calm whatever they answer and say you've noticed they don't seem themself and you're worried about them. Then let them talk if they want to. Just listen. Don't try and give solutions. Just let them tell you what's happening. Occasionally ask open-ended questions to encourage them to keep talking. If they are thinking of ctb, encourage them to go to their GP or other medical professional. Offer to take them there if it would help. Never be afraid to ask someone if they are considering suicide. If they are, the fact that you cared enough to ask might make all the difference. If they're not, they will just say no. Whatever they say don't be angry or judgemental, whatever you are feeling about it. Maybe read the story of the guy who survived jumping off the Golden Gate bridge. He said if just one person had just asked if he was ok while he was walking there, he wouldn't have jumped