What if it does not work ?

[Idontmatter]

Has anyone thought about what happens if ctb doesn't work. My suicidal thoughts are so strong right now and I get excited actually when I think about it but I have the lingering thought what if it does not work. What if I makes my life even worse. My husband might be mad and divorce me possibly, i might be locked up in a mental facility longer than a week this time so I would lose my job. It's probably just my anxiety getting the best of me as always but it bugs me. Sorry for this post, this forum is the only place I can talk about this. I want to just be done with all of this constant worry and ctb is my only solution since nothing else I've tried works. Again sorry for this post.

 

[FuneralCry]

You do not need to apologise for posting. Failing an attempt is one of the things that holds me back, it is what I fear. The way you feel is perfectly understandable. Of course we all deserve the option of euthanasia, it is cruel how the society denies us this. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Idontmatter]

You do not need to apologise for posting. Failing an attempt is one of the things that holds me back, it is what I fear. The way you feel is perfectly understandable. Of course we all deserve the option of euthanasia, it is cruel how the society denies us this. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

I always feel like I have to apologize, even for existing because everyone has to deal with me. I always feel guilty because people have it worse than I do but the future just seems hopeless. Once I get my SN I'll start thinking about when the end will get here. It's going to have to work. If i live it's not going to be good

 

[Dot]

Has anyone thought about what happens if ctb doesn't work. My suicidal thoughts are so strong right now and I get excited actually when I think about it but I have the lingering thought what if it does not work. What if I makes my life even worse. My husband might be mad and divorce me possibly, i might be locked up in a mental facility longer than a week this time so I would lose my job. It's probably just my anxiety getting the best of me as always but it bugs me. Sorry for this post, this forum is the only place I can talk about this. I want to just be done with all of this constant worry and ctb is my only solution since nothing else I've tried works. Again sorry for this post.

Common fear which why careful planning important for many.

 

[ChobaniFlipSmores]

I have an immediate backup plan and a "forced inpatient plan". My backup plan is that I'll have a .357 revolver if the SN/N doesn't work and I'm still physically able to use a gun. If I end up in a hospital, I've buried 2 doses of SN underground with some Meto in a waterproof container near my house and have hidden another revolver (with a lock on it) in a wall (behind drywall) & then patched the hole. I've also started to study lock picking because I think it would be "fun" to try to break out of a hospital.

 

[Dot]

I have an immediate backup plan and a "forced inpatient plan". My backup plan is that I'll have a .357 revolver if the SN/N doesn't work and I'm still physically able to use a gun. If I end up in a hospital, I've buried 2 doses of SN underground with some Meto in a waterproof container near my house and have hidden another revolver (with a lock on it) in a wall (behind drywall) & then patched the hole. I've also started to study lock picking because I think it would be "fun" to try to break out of a hospital.

Make sense except modern buildings hv key card systems...

 

[Idontmatter]

I have an immediate backup plan and a "forced inpatient plan". My backup plan is that I'll have a .357 revolver if the SN/N doesn't work and I'm still physically able to use a gun. If I end up in a hospital, I've buried 2 doses of SN underground with some Meto in a waterproof container near my house and have hidden another revolver (with a lock on it) in a wall (behind drywall) & then patched the hole. I've also started to study lock picking because I think it would be "fun" to try to break out of a hospital.

I

I have an immediate backup plan and a "forced inpatient plan". My backup plan is that I'll have a .357 revolver if the SN/N doesn't work and I'm still physically able to use a gun. If I end up in a hospital, I've buried 2 doses of SN underground with some Meto in a waterproof container near my house and have hidden another revolver (with a lock on it) in a wall (behind drywall) & then patched the hole. I've also started to study lock picking because I think it would be "fun" to try to break out of a hospital.

i wish I was brave enough to use a gun. I'm to chicken shit. Plus it's impossible for me to get a gun now. I'm just going to have to have a lot of SN and make sure it works. I'll be in a hotel room so I'll be alone at least.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

I understand your concerns very well. Not only the mental but also the physical consequences of a failed attempt are horrible. If I were not able to kill myself anymore would be horrible. Therefore a failed suicide attempt is no option for me. You have to plan everything very carefully and take enough time for it. It is rather easy for me, because I made a lot of "Failure Mode and Effects Analysis" in my job, but I understand that it is a problem for many people.

 

[Idontmatter]

I understand your concerns very well. Not only the mental but also the physical consequences of a failed attempt are horrible. If I were not able to kill myself anymore would be horrible. Therefore a failed suicide attempt is no option for me. You have to plan everything very carefully and take enough time for it. It is rather easy for me, because I made a lot of "Failure Mode and Effects Analysis" in my job, but I understand that it is a problem for many people.

I think with the amount I ordered I'll be good. I'll be in a hotel room already lying down so I won't fall and risk someone hearing.
I may even post on here just to be able to feel like I'm talking to someone and won't feel alone as I do it.