What I crave is something impossible

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I crave love

I want immediate affection

I want the best friends, the boyfriends, the immediate hard love

But....that cannot come without work, patience, and time

Thanks to having never gotten that love as a child, I am left as a selfish and pitiful 22 year old who only burdens people with her problems

Who, despite trying to get help through therapy and meds, ultimately fails

And being stuck in a toxic family. I don't know what else to do

I hate this suffering, I hate this pain

I feel the journey is not worth it

But I am too chicken shit to go and kill myself

So I guess I am just stuck a failure till I end up dying...

 

[Torbasco]

God, that hits close to home. After just getting out of a relationship I really treasured in a really messy way, I feel so lonely and devoid of the love I used to have, to such extreme lengths of pain and desperation. I genuinely feel for you.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

God, that hits close to home. After just getting out of a relationship I really treasured in a really messy way, I feel so lonely and devoid of the love I used to have, to such extreme lengths of pain and desperation. I genuinely feel for you.

Thank you

Also to add on, I have been feeling so burdensome I've been avoiding people. Considering how this pandemic and protests has everyone in a frenzy in depression I refuse to talk to people about my issues. I don't want to add my never ending stress and be someones burden on top of the burden that's happening around the world

 

[Torbasco]

Thank you

Also to add on, I have been feeling so burdensome I've been avoiding people. Considering how this pandemic and protests has everyone in a frenzy in depression I refuse to talk to people about my issues. I don't want to add my never ending stress and be someones burden on top of the burden that's happening around the world

I feel you, I feel incredibly burdensome about how my mental health and breakdowns have been effecting people. I just don't want to take any more people down with me, it always just piles up into a panic attack. But you can always use the free suicide crisis resources if you really need someone to talk to.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I feel you, I feel incredibly burdensome about how my mental health and breakdowns have been effecting people. I just don't want to take any more people down with me, it always just piles up into a panic attack. But you can always use the free suicide crisis resources if you really need someone to talk to.

Yeah thats true. I also feel burdensome to my therapist :(

Its lonely but, I guess its better to be lonely than to hurt people...

 

[Torbasco]

Yeah thats true. I also feel burdensome to my therapist :(

Its lonely but, I guess its better to be lonely than to hurt people...

It's okay to rely on others sometimes too. Society as a whole is so cold and twisted now, I don't feel like it's worth worrying about burdening them.

 

[Arrow]

i also am without love. don't think i got the attention i needed. and on top of this i don't even think i'm capable of feeling love anymore. i always just want to be alone.

 

[woxihuanni]

Work, patience? I'm sorry but the only people who live real lives are those who got on to a good fucking addiction with a cutie when they were kids at a party. These people did not work hard.

 

[GirlInBlue]

I feel the same way sometimes... I want to be connected to someone without having to deal with the beginning awkwardness and vulnerability. I want to have friendships without having to ever interact with the outside world.
Your problems aren't a burden here, no matter what is happening in the outside world. You can always vent in a post.
I know it's not the same thing, but I care about you, from the little bit I can relate to you here. I hope you can start feeling better soon

 

[RestingGirl23]

Hi OP,

I definitely get what you feel. I wish I could have the type of friends that reach out to you and ask you how you are. I wish I had closer friends who would invite me to hang out. I wish I had an intense loving boyfriend.

But I do not.

It's just the way it is. Everyone is busy dealing with their own problems. It's really hard to have close relationships when you're older because they have been more-or-less established already.

But don't ever feel guilty or shameful for wanting to be loved.

 

[Bct]

This is so relatable. I can feel your sadness & frustration.

I know some friends but dunno who consider me as their best friends. I couldn't answer that question during a Truth-or-Dare session years ago, and still can't answer it now.

Girlfriend? Looking at my countless rejections, that looks like a pipe dream.

Family? Well, also not close. Always fighting with my mother & she's the main reason why I want to leave home.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

This is so relatable. I can feel your sadness & frustration.

I know some friends but dunno who consider me as their best friends. I couldn't answer that question during a Truth-or-Dare session years ago, and still can't answer it now.

Girlfriend? Looking at my countless rejections, that looks like a pipe dream.

Family? Well, also not close. Always fighting with my mother & she's the main reason why I want to leave home.

I can relate. My dead mother was the one who abused me and got away with it. Cause no matter how many times I said she was abusing me I got the "your mom is a good person!" crap and now I gave up

 

[crybaby]

I feel u..;3 I crave love... But I never got love, so I decided to ctb in August...

 

[Darksektori]

Thank you

Also to add on, I have been feeling so burdensome I've been avoiding people. Considering how this pandemic and protests has everyone in a frenzy in depression I refuse to talk to people about my issues. I don't want to add my never ending stress and be someones burden on top of the burden that's happening around the world

"Depression isn't a war you win. It's a battle you fight every day. You never stop, never get to rest. It's one bloody fray after another"
-Shaun David Hutchinson

 

[heartslikeours]

There is nothing I want as much as some affection in any shape or form.

 

[Élégie]

I want to be connected to someone without having to deal with the beginning awkwardness and vulnerability. I want to have friendships without having to ever interact with the outside world.

This describes my situation perfectly... I just feel so stuck.

 

[Bct]

I can relate. My dead mother was the one who abused me and got away with it. Cause no matter how many times I said she was abusing me I got the "your mom is a good person!" crap and now I gave up

Sorry you're still in pain even after she dies. People will have a hard time to believe someone is horrible because they have a good public persona. Sadly they didn't even try to listen to your pain because of that.