Suicide is not my first option. But it seems to come closer because everything else fails. I want to say I've tried a lot to avod it. However almost nothing works.
Obsession with suicidality: I tried almost 20 different medication all with nasty side effects which reduce my life quality a lot, I've had 3 psychotherapies and in the last 5 years I had 5 clinic stays. (I am glad i have a good health insurance)
finances: I tried 2 times going to university both times i got manic, 2 times i tried to do a traineeship both times i got extremely depressed and was unable to function, poverty is a big factor for my suicidality and it is very likely unavoidable
loneliness: i have good friends and they help me a lot but dating went very bad. Had no success and made me very depressed. The last girl rejected me due to my mental health problems, When my family is dead (they destroyed my life) I am alone and I will have to endure poverty for the rest of my life
My future prospects are so horrible. Everything gets worse. But I am proud to say at least i tried to avoid my suicide. I am just not sure how long i should endure this. There is barely hope and I am so desperate. At least I have to psychosomatic pain anymore but if this returns I am out of this. I am waiting for the pain which can let me overcome SI. And that's either this psychosomatic pain or poverty.
Obsession with suicidality: I tried almost 20 different medication all with nasty side effects which reduce my life quality a lot, I've had 3 psychotherapies and in the last 5 years I had 5 clinic stays. (I am glad i have a good health insurance)
finances: I tried 2 times going to university both times i got manic, 2 times i tried to do a traineeship both times i got extremely depressed and was unable to function, poverty is a big factor for my suicidality and it is very likely unavoidable
loneliness: i have good friends and they help me a lot but dating went very bad. Had no success and made me very depressed. The last girl rejected me due to my mental health problems, When my family is dead (they destroyed my life) I am alone and I will have to endure poverty for the rest of my life
My future prospects are so horrible. Everything gets worse. But I am proud to say at least i tried to avoid my suicide. I am just not sure how long i should endure this. There is barely hope and I am so desperate. At least I have to psychosomatic pain anymore but if this returns I am out of this. I am waiting for the pain which can let me overcome SI. And that's either this psychosomatic pain or poverty.
