What do you say to someone who has tried "everything"?

[hopeless302]

Some people say they've been to therapy, they've tried the medications and don't feel any better. What else can they do? Is it just over if neither of those things work?

 

[BlueMist96]

Its up to them whether or not they want to keep trying or give up. It's not over until they decide its over I guess. There are lots of people who've already given up but don't leave for one reason or another. If they seem like they still want help, best anyone can do for them is try to offer support. If it's clear they don't want help, then all you can do is be kind and try to comfort them while they're still here.

 

[SmigSauer]

You can't say anything.

I have tried medication and therapy, neither had any effect on me at all. I tried to complete productive goals, like graduating, getting a job, buying a car, getting a driver's license. None of this made me feel any differently. I felt slightly better when I was in the process of completing these goals, because I still had hope that I would complete them and feel some sort of fulfillment of happiness. When I completed the goal, the feeling of fulfillment never came. I felt worse off after putting myself out there and doing stuff because I now knew that no matter what action I take, I will still feel like shit.

This is all there is. There's nothing that somebody could say that would make me feel better. The problem is me. I am a broken person who can't enjoy life.

 

[ImInPain]

Some people say they've been to therapy, they've tried the medications and don't feel any better. What else can they do? Is it just over if neither of those things work?

Firstly, I am so sorry to give unsolicited advice. I know that can feel ignorant, annoying, etc. but I just wanted to share in hopes that maybe it helps someone.

For your situation specifically, have you looked into anything for treatment-resistant depression? I'm kind of starting to look into it myself and found out they made some sort of nasal spray that seems to have helped some people with treatment-res. depression. I've also just gotten in contact with someone who specializes on working with patients with that kind of depression. I don't know where this will take me, if anywhere at all, but do look into that if you haven't already.

There are also many different therapists. What sucks is that you can't really tell if it's the depression or the therapist, and it gets difficult when you've tried multiple therapists. For me, I have had at least 10 therapists I've seen that were so bad that I wanted to CTB even more than before the session. (I think those are the kind of therapists that are good for people who want a therapist but don't have severe mental health issues, because otherwise they don't know what in the world to do with me and I am more of a burden). There were others that have helped a bit and were very good. Made living just a tad easier sometimes. But it's so difficult to know if it's just "you haven't found the right fit" or if your depression is unmanageable by professionals. Same thing with meds, there are so many medications to try and maybe there just happens to be one specific medication/combination and at a specific dose that works great for you... but to keep trying and just really not see any progress, it's awful. I've also tried my fair share of meds and they haven't worked. There is something called genetic testing that can show you which meds are more likely to work and the side effects you're most likely to receive. One therapist I saw swore by the testing and another is skeptical about it. Nevertheless I'll be trying that too.

There is a quote I heard recently that I really liked: "If a deer looks for food in ten different places and finds none, he does not see himself as an idiot". I think it's a good quote because the deer doesn't start thinking the problem is within him and he continues to look for food elsewhere. Unfortunately in humans, failure like that starts to affect us more easily where it must be a problem within us. I mean, even if there is no food, I think the deer would probably keep searching for much more than us and maybe in a situation where there was food, it would have a better chance of finding it. But the issue is we can't really tell if there is truly nothing unless you have tried every single therapist and every single combination and dosage of medications. That really does suck.

Even now, thinking about trying new medication and meeting with new therapists feels so useless and like just gambling and honestly exhausting, but I try anyway. I will try these things I have mentioned and then I guess I'll reevaluate my situation afterwards.

Sorry I didn't answer your main question but I truly hope this can help even if just a little.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I agree with others- it's more about whether they are still open to looking to find support. Some people try multiple therapists, multiple medications. Even more extreme treatments- as I see it- like ECT. I think some people do well on Ketamine. There are probably still a whole bunch of things they haven't tried but then- maybe they don't want to now. And- I do believe that has to be up to them. It's not really ok for someone else to push- as I see it because- they aren't the ones putting up with the side effects.

I think it is very much down to how much this person wants to talk and, what they want to talk about. One course of conversation might be why they feel the treatments they tried failed.

Plus- outright ask them maybe- what do they think may actually help them? Where are they struggling the most? What are their problems to begin with? They'll likely just be grateful that someone cares enough to ask.

 

[Sadbanana]

Some people that talk to you have already given up. They aren't interested in your advice, they just want to talk to someone, sharw their struggle and get sense of connection.

In my opinion if you want to help them, it's best if you talk to them in respectful and not performative way. Don't try to virtue signal for invisible audience, suicidal people are usually very fed up with prolife rhetorics.