what do you do when you can't ctb yet but you feel trapped and full of despair?

[charlavail]

I gave myself 2026 to see if this feeling would go away after being so present since I was young but getting worse over the last couple of years and after therapy and meds nothing has helped. Plus it would give me time to think about methods, and setting my affairs in order. But every day I feel so trapped. It's like I'm stuck in this body and I can't escape it. Every day I wake up is horrible, I'm just walking like a numb dead person doing my tasks and sleeping most of it away because being awake hurts too bad after a while. I get anxiety going outside. I just can't do anything but waste away it feels like. What am I supposed to do? Does anyone else feel like this? What do you do?

 

[hurts2b]

Feel the same way fucking constantly for the past (nearly) 2 years. Minus the anxiety. I distract myself. Drink a lot, which helps, right up until the moment you can't get drunk anymore.

I miss having a job, a routine, an animal companion, and a yard that I could hang out in without 24 hour camera surveillance. I didn't feel so trapped when I had those things.

In my current situation I find exercise (pacing) can sometimes stave off the feeling. Journaling, if that's your thing. Keeping whatever space you have clean. I hear having friends helps too but I wouldn't actually know.

What helps any given person is going to be highly individual.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

I get stuck in a cycle of rumination. I cease chasing my interests and goals because I think that my life will end soon, but for months or even years I still exist, and then realize that suicide might not happen; so I think about focusing on my goals again and giving life another chance, but by this stage it is too late, because I spent time waiting for a plan of suicide that never played out as expected.

Here I am again. What am I doing or thinking at this time? Trapped in a torturous limbo.

 

[DanLip22]

I get stuck in a cycle of rumination. I cease chasing my interests and goals because I think that my life will end soon, but for months or even years I still exist, and then realize that suicide might not happen; so I think about focusing on my goals again and giving life another chance, but by this stage it is too late, because I spent time waiting for a plan of suicide that never played out as expected.

Here I am again. What am I doing or thinking at this time? Trapped in a torturous limbo.

My situation is identical to yours! I could have written this exactly as you did. I hope you find peace soon, whatever way that may be

 

[BrokenByTheSystem]

Pretend you're a leaf being moved by the wind. Just stay still, let the wind decide what will happen next. You're a leaf you don't care.

 

[thelostautistic]

We're in a very similar situation. Getting through every day is so hard at the moment. I'm just trying to stay as busy as I can to distract me from everything. Some days it works and others it doesn't.

 

[itsgone2]

I don't know what we do. My life is over yet I can't finish it off. It needs to happen. Yet it's difficult. It's certainly a difficult task. But eventually I need the guts. Being trapped is awful

 

[PanaxMan]

I gave myself 2026 to see if this feeling would go away after being so present since I was young but getting worse over the last couple of years and after therapy and meds nothing has helped. Plus it would give me time to think about methods, and setting my affairs in order. But every day I feel so trapped. It's like I'm stuck in this body and I can't escape it. Every day I wake up is horrible, I'm just walking like a numb dead person doing my tasks and sleeping most of it away because being awake hurts too bad after a while. I get anxiety going outside. I just can't do anything but waste away it feels like. What am I supposed to do? Does anyone else feel like this? What do you do?

Welp soon enuf I won't be needing to worry about responsibilities of life as I'll be homeless soon. It's pretty ironic that I feel a shit more load of freedom going homeless then doing a 9 to 5. It's pretty weird

 

[Forever Sleep]

I just try to get through it day to day, with the hopes that one day fairly soon, I'll be able to end it. It's become about- What do I absolutely need to do today? What can I face doing in this moment? How can I make it easier for myself? To have a distraction on in the background for instance.

 

[jaysthreecents]

I've always viewed life as a series of distractions, keeping us occupied until our inevitable death. We build attachment to outcomes and results to justify our efforts. We hold on to life because we don't want it to fade, but that is the destiny of all things. A body in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted upon by an external force. The Will to Live is subject to the same principle.

Finding peace isn't a requirement for death, but it does provide closure. Once you do, facing death is much easier.
Often the obstacle between life and death is fear. Fear of missing out (on your future). Fear of hurting others. Fear of failing an attempt. But running away from something is much different than running toward something. I think that's the biggest contrast for people who want to live vs people who want to die.


I think every human deserves to die with dignity. I imagine the world would be much different if suicide was acceptable and supported. We would be able to help people find reasons to live, instead of just forcing them to not die right now. We aren't capable of choosing to exist, and we have no control. Suicide may be permissible to a degree, but that lack of support in contrast to the support of a new life shows how biased our species is. That is a product of biological evolution, and our disdain for the opposite is a false imposition of our morals, based on emotions created through biological selection.

The conflict between human nature and unnatural decision-making is the catalyst for most of humanities failures. An attempt to control the process in order to control the outcome. A struggle for power when we personally identify as powerless. A desire to abolish shame with unrivaled pride. We try to operate above our own humanity, and in turn, violate ourselves on a mass scale. We don't live long enough to be humbled, and that's what death is for. A necessary end for an unnecessary beginning.

 

[Lazuli]

"Feel trapped and full of despair". You've summed up my situation pretty accurately as well.
What do I do? I just go about my day normally as if nothing happens because otherwise I would be questioned and probed.

 

[singingcrow]

i have no idea what to do either. things that used to bring me at a little bit of joy don't seem to anymore. i'm doing everything i can not to just take my sn. i see friends, live in a nice house, exercise but i'm still really not happy. i've been pushing myself a lot mentally as well & thought that might help me but nope… unfortunately still miserable idk what i've done to be born with such a broken brain