What do you do when life hits you hard while recovering?

[timetosleep]

Hi folks. When you are trying to recover but keep facing difficult situations, what do you do? Sometimes, I feel like suicide would be a much easier choice.

 

[Thinking]

Ideally I would take time to focus on the little things, like meditating, taking showers, getting a good amount of sleep, etc.

In reality I listen to sad songs and simmer in a downward spiral until eventually I just feel okay again. For me, it's more a wave that I have to ride out

 

[Marine]

Hi folks. When you are trying to recover but keep facing difficult situations, what do you do? Sometimes, I feel like suicide would be a much easier choice.

I often seems that way, the pain is just too heartwrenching and my situation seems so hopeless sometimes, but I've been through 3 suicide attempts, coming extremely close to dying with the last one, and the idea of suicide is now even more painful than it was before (even though it also felt like the only way to be at peace at the same time, I didn't want to throw away this existence). It's made life more precious to me along with the kind people I've met immediately after my SA.

There a terrible sense of dread associated with suicide, especially now that I live in the same apartment where I came close to dying, and I'd really like to avoid doing that all over again even with a better / surer alternative like SN. Now I don't feel safe without an exit plan, but it actually gives me the peace of mind to focus on life. If things go irremediably wrong, I know I can leave in a sure and painless way, but that's not the goal per se.

I've always wanted to live, life is very dear to me even though I haven't really had the chance to fully enjoy it most of the time, but I really don't want to die without finding the lasting mutual love I've lived for, freeing myself from past traumas and becoming truly happy.

I don't know if I'll succeed. So many bad things keep happening and crushing me whenever I try to move forward positively. But I want to very much.
I'm still hoping to find a way and the people I need to live.

I just try to make progress one step at a time while striving to be more accepting of myself, even after I've been beaten down multiple times, as long as I can.

I have a plan to go to university in the fall and it helps me hold on as it would probably be a good way to get back a healthy dynamic routine and meet compatible people, both of which I need to recover, rather than hoping to meet someone during isolated / infrequent events.

Talking to similar people here helps too. I really hope you'll find something / someone to give you the strenght you need to overcome everything that you're facing.
I know how hard it is, I'm trying to inch my way back right now for the billionth time and so many awful / irrational things keep happening but I don't want to let them beat me if I can.

 

[pickajack]

For me, it's more a wave that I have to ride out

For me, it's more a wave that I have to ride out

For me, it's more a wave that I have to ride out