What caused your sickness?

[uuser1412]

Hello, I was curious and I wanted to know, do you guys know exactly what caused your depression/sickness/illness? Why are you guys suicidal? I wanted to know if you guys knew.

For me, I was always sensitive, I think I was born that way, but I can trace down most of my problems to what happened when I was a kid, getting molested by my dad in my sleep. I really didn't realize how big of an impact that had on me until recently, but I can see how it has caused most of my problems.

I think the key to getting better is a feeling of safety for your body. That's just what I think, how you do that exactly is a better question I guess.

I just never felt safe around anyone, constantly playing characters for other people, to my family, to myself. Fundamentally, I don't think a person will get better if they don't feel safe. I just don't feel I can be myself, living with my family, so I think moving out is required for recovery. I just wish to be myself, to wake up one day without that suffocating pressure in my chest. This dream is keeping me alive and I refuse to let it go

I hope everyone can get better, good luck

 

[Rainork]

I have spent yeeeears trying to answer this question!
I have C-ptsd and a lot of black spots in my past (especially in my childhood due to sexual and mental abuse).
An old therapist on mine told me "if you brains blocked it out, there's a reason for that".. at the time I wasn't happy with that answer and so kept pushing to uncover my hidden memories. I now have a few patchy details and honestly can't say if I'm glad I've remembered bits or not- although these recollections did result in my main abuser no longer being in my life, so that's something I guess.

I can relate to the never feeling safe around anyone thing as well- i've often been paranoid about people poisoning me and struggle to except anything consumable from most people I know (unless I have watched it being made). I also flinch at touch, I did start to recover from that until a lovely guy SA'd me in my sleep about 10 years ago- brought me straight back to the flinching and lack of trust.

I hope you will find a way to feel better one day! Stay strong