What are you reflecting about the days before killing yourself?

[LostSoul1609]

I don't have that many intrusive thoughts right now and honestly I feel empty. What are you reflecting about? Also what comforts you?

 

[watereyes]

I'm thinking about heaven and hell and it makes me anxious.

 

[motel rooms]

Peace exists, death is peace. Peace exists, death is peace...
Those are the simple thoughts that comfort me

 

[RedHarlequin]

I just try to comfort myself with the idea that sooner or later we are all going to die, I am just going to escape years of suffering with my suicide.

 

[ClownMe]

I just try to comfort myself with the idea that sooner or later we are all going to die, I am just going to escape years of suffering with my suicide.

This is my thinking as well. I have a horrible job, no friends and my family are all narcassists, the only thing im living for right now is my 13 year old jack russell, once he's gone, ill follow soon after.

I probably would have at least hung in there until around 50 or so if i had a decent job and good support network, but i dont think i could go on much older than that, most of the elderly people ive met/been around seem absolutely miserable in old age.

 

[Dutchyala]

I have a lot of intrusive thoughts it's hard to comfort myself sometimes. I guess the worst is the fear of the afterlife or rebirth existing I don't want to exist anymore.
I try to tell myself it's all going to end and nothing will matter anymore. That is going to be the best not only for me but for others around me. That I won't have to worry about anxiety, intrusive thoughts, loneliness, pain, money. No more worries. Just sleeping forever.
That is the best and the right thing to do in my situation.

 

[Mentalmick]

Probably how much I hate and resent the world.

 

[mini_weeny]

How my cats will end up homeless and how the world will just keep turning as if I never existed.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Just my life in general. Especially the past several years. With a roller coaster descent straight into the heart of Hell at the end.

 

[Celerity]

How I'm possibly going to go through with it with survival instinct weighing me down. How fucking annoying people are in general and how the loneliness eats at me on the long march to CTB.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm just like...
"Will I get some answers or just eternal nothingness? Okay. I'll be at peace, anyway."

 

[FuneralCry]

If I actually planned to do it, I would just make peace with myself knowing all my problems will soon be solved and I will experience nothingness. I guess that is the advantage of CTB rather than other dying methods as you can fully process the fact that you will die while in other death causes you are just taken.

 

[LucieInTheDark]

If I actually planned to do it, I would just make peace with myself knowing all my problems will soon be solved and I will experience nothingness. I guess that is the advantage of CTB rather than other dying methods as you can fully process the fact that you will die while in other death causes you are just taken.

This is the reason I believe I will eventually commit suicide sooner or later. I want to be able to process my own death. I'm terrified of just a sudden end, or even worse, violent death

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

Fantasizing about CBT has been the only thing that really gives me hope and makes me feel like my old self. I just want my old self back without the chronic health issues 24/7 eating away at my soul

If I actually planned to do it, I would just make peace with myself knowing all my problems will soon be solved and I will experience nothingness. I guess that is the advantage of CTB rather than other dying methods as you can fully process the fact that you will die while in other death causes you are just taken.

I'd rather just be taken. No SI. No messiness or difficult heart-wrenching decisions. No time to feel guilty, or bad, or have to put in effort or planning or forethought to finish the job.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Tracing back through my life the seeds of a destruction … How did I end up here? Where did things go wrong?

 

[HeckingHecked]

I don't have that many intrusive thoughts right now and honestly I feel empty. What are you reflecting about? Also what comforts you?

Well, I just really hurt my online friend two days ago. She told me that she still thinks of me, despite us not being friends anymore, and I told her how shitty of a friend she was, and that she might as well isolate because she ruins all her friendships. I feel horrible about it. It gives me more motivation to CTB knowing that the only person I could have potentially loved hates me, now. I was hurt in the moment, and I believe some of what I said. I just... I wish she knew that I didn't mean it. I do truly miss having in my life. She hates me, now, and I don't blame her. I hate me, too.

 

[xcaramel]

Lostsoul I also feel empty. there is not much to think about. I wonder what awaits me on the other side. Rationally I know it's probably nothing but I like to think of all sorts of childish fantasies of reincarnation to reunite with my loved one or enjoying bliss in heaven with my deceased loved one or restarting time from the beginning with all of my memories intact.

i don't have interest in the things I would usually indulge in, like drawing or even eating or taking care of myself. It all doesn't really matter anymore so I've given up on a lot, including schoolwork. Now I play some video games and I'm doing a group project earnestly just because I don't the other person to feel burdened by me. Altogether I feel rather passive or just vapid. like a Russian doll with nothing inside or I'm waiting for something to happen. End is coming soon

 

[Insomniac]

my mind is obsessing about reincarnation

 

[Death is beautiful]

I am very afraid that they will find me, or I will not succeed for other reasons