Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Lost in a Dream]

Today I want to work on one of my coloring books. I opened blinds on my window so natural daylight could come in but it's still not quite enough light. Coloring books are one of the few things I still enjoy that keep me distracted from how fucked up our reality is but it isn't always enough.

 

[violetforever]

when i ctb and they look through my phone and find all the deleted recordings i took of me singing so i could listen back to see how bad i sound

 

[Spite]

Knowing there are things I have lost that I will never get back in this life makes me want to die.

 

[fiasco]

I lowkey feel melancholic

 

[left0vers]

I hate myself so goddamn much

 

[elly2398]

I feel completely exhausted, deeply lonely and so tired of pain and tears. Somehow, I always managed to find enough strength and relied on myself for support. But now, my mind has reached its breaking point

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Been trying to work on writing my book today that I've been posting in off topic but had to push through some major writer's block. I did get through it for a little while and got a few pages written, but my progress has stalled again. It took a little alcohol and chatting with a friend for a bit to get the ideas flowing again and that was kinda nice. Going to try writing a bit more and see where I can go from here.

 

[WirelessConnections]

I've been feeling so empty lately. I hate my job so much, but other than anger during work it's just nothing.

The extreme bouts of sadness are gone and now I'm just empty, passing the time. Nothing I used to like makes me feel anything anymore, my creativity is completely gone. I just keep trying things and nothing changes one way or the other. I want to go to sleep.

 

[Chili]

Just empty. Tired. Worked from 7:40 am to 8:40 pm, and I'm going to do it again tomorrow. It's 9 pm now, and it's just. Why am I even alive? What's the point of working like this if there is no end in sight, and I won't even be able to retire at a decent age. If at all

I've been feeling so empty lately. I hate my job so much, but other than anger during work it's just nothing.

The extreme bouts of sadness are gone and now I'm just empty, passing the time. Nothing I used to like makes me feel anything anymore, my creativity is completely gone. I just keep trying things and nothing changes one way or the other. I want to go to sleep.

You put it into words so well. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this, dude. This is genuinely worse than feeling physical pain, imo. I hope your dreams are a better escape.

 

[Baka]

I feel empty. Like if you slice me open, you'll find nothing there. Just black emptiness. I go through life mechanically, and it's like every emotion I feel is fake. Like they're really just at the surface. Beneath, there's nothing. It's weird. I know what to feel but I don't feel it.

I'm hurting and because of that, I end up hurting others. I don't want to cause pain anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want it all to end.

I want to be hurt.

 

[violetforever]

with all of the built up stress my family has caused me for my entire life, i just want to yell at them that im going to kill myself. actually id say im going to move away from them and never talk to them again as soon as i can but killing myself has proved to be more realistic. im sure like mostly everyone else here, ill never make the mistake of saying that to anyone in my personal life. nothing comes from it. its just smarter to not let my emotions take over and that i keep killing myself between me and people who understand.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Right now I feel like I really want my post count to have one less 4 in it. Phew.

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

Dead

 

[c0tard]

I feel empty. Like if you slice me open, you'll find nothing there. Just black emptiness. I go through life mechanically, and it's like every emotion I feel is fake. Like they're really just at the surface. Beneath, there's nothing. It's weird. I know what to feel but I don't feel it.

I'm hurting and because of that, I end up hurting others. I don't want to cause pain anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want it all to end.

tired. guilty. really tired lol

 

[favouriteworstolive]

I feel empty. Like if you slice me open, you'll find nothing there. Just black emptiness. I go through life mechanically, and it's like every emotion I feel is fake. Like they're really just at the surface. Beneath, there's nothing. It's weird. I know what to feel but I don't feel it.

I'm hurting and because of that, I end up hurting others. I don't want to cause pain anymore. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I just want it all to end.

oh my god this is so real. i feel so empty and tired of being alive and awake. <3

 

[CTB Dream]

this all awfl no mtr hpn wat this all trp pain sffr noend this lif all wrng, ,

 

[violetforever]

where do you even physically go to feel better when you want to die? i have no physical place to go, i dont even want to be in this world. the only thing that will ever make me feel better is fully disappearing through ctb.

 

[binjisoya]

I feel lonely. i have a couple people that would listen but i don't ever know how to talk about it without worrying people. there isn't really anything anyone can do to help me, i don't think anyone can save me, and i can't save myself either. I've lost hope a long time ago, and now all i can ever think of is dying. I miss the comfort of my mother, being held by someone who loves you. I think in my last moments I would just want my mom.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I may be quitting my job soon. One of my coworkers has been taking pieces of the cleaning equipment home and lying about them being here the whole time so I can't do my job properly. I can't prove that it's happening unfortunately but I know it's happening.

If the piece of shit wants me gone so bad then congrats to him I guess. He accomplished his goal. After tonight I'm never coming back to work again.

 

[TwistedNightmares]

I wish I was aborted. Both of my parents are useless, and most of the time I feel as if I am parenting them instead.
My dad knew he couldn't handle raising a kid, yet he still chose to have one, and I think that was really selfish on his part.
I swear most parents don't have a functioning brain.

 

[darksouls]

my laptop has already crashed three times today,
why does everything in this existence have to be so annoying ?

 

[GlassMoon]

Empty and tired. Wanted to do something fun but then tiredness took over control.

 

[violetforever]

attending school is like a fucking joke when all i really want for my future is to be dead

 

[joelover]

fuuuck why do i self sabotage so much and hate improvement to the point i flinch seeing other people's success and happiness fuuuck

 

[TwistedNightmares]

Today was another tiring and draining day. I hate this endless cycle of misery.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

I'm trying to hang on, but all the signs point to the conclusion that I shouldn't have lasted this long.
Ironic, given how managing insurance is meant to ensure that you live a full life. But it's just the opposite. All this time, energy, and money has been wasted by my family on keeping a retard alive. I'm so fucking sorry. I've thought this way for years! I know they'll disagree; I know they love me from the bottom of their hearts. I might just be the most spoiled autistic of the modern age.

I hate it. I wish my mom didn't have me, or that I had died upon impact when I was hit by a car. But I'm here. I'm still here, breathing, wasting my last days on the Internet. I'm always falling to the waste side of making an effort because I'm depressed.

People like me, but I don't like myself.

People love me, and I hate myself so much.

I don't want to, but I can't stop myself—self-loathing is my addiction.

 

[lilb0wpeep]

Painfully immortal, or stupid and in pain. I know I have to find the sweet spot and all when trying to hang/strangulation/Night night method, but in all of the time I have tried to ctb this way I feel so stupid as I am just there waiting for something more than the pounding of my head to happen. I've tried it so many ways and so many times with only minimal change in the outcome. How is it that I can lay there for 5-10 minutes with constant pressure and not even come close to passing out. My face turns red and purple, my breathing shallows, and my head starts to point but nothing more. No light out, no end, no nothing. Why am I doomed with painful UNENDING existence?!

 

[CTB Dream]

this lif all movmov time etc, all end all nnsns

 

[violetforever]

permanently unhappy with no idea of who i am or what i like and enjoy anymore

 

[pond]

I'm so scared of losing control because of my ED again. My sister is back and she's triggering me in every way, just as she used to. I don't feel comfortable at home or anywhere. I don't want to be stuck in a cycle of stress and anger. I don't want to be thinking of food and exercise every waking moment of my life again. I don't want to lose my period again and be toyed around with by my hormones.

I'm so tired. I wish she would disappear forever. I wish she could physically suffer through the physical, emotional, and mental torment she put me through. She deserves the absolute worst. I already hated living without the ED but life with an ED is brutal. Just a brutal whirlwind of madness. I want to implode and be gone. I want to rip myself apart into tatters and be gone. I hate myself. I hate her. I hate her so, so much.