What are you doing on this starless night?

[lunargreenx]

I am drinking prosecco in a tub filled with hot water and my tears, while listening to Bob Dylan and thinking how shitty and pointless all this really is.

And you?

 

[Tackingintothewind]

Sounds nice. At home in bed

 

[nolongerhuman]

It's not night here yet. Trying to get myself home from work. Never listened to bob dylan before but I might have to check him out, Desolation Row sounds nice.

 

[whywere]

YOU ARE a VERY valuable global family member! I am 65 years young and I have the same feelings sometimes. I turn to the family here and find the love and caring that makes it more tolerable. When you hurt, feel lonely , anything so do I. We are ALL family here and I send you all my love, caring, empathy and SUPPORT that I have!! Walter

 

[fred farkle]

It's not night here yet. Trying to get myself home from work. Never listened to bob dylan before but I might have to check him out, Desolation Row sounds nice.

Dylans two best songs: Just Like A Woman and. Tangled Up In Blue. just trying to help!

 

[Bedrock48]

On my floor drinking Jack and Dr Pepper. Just kinda existing.

 

[lunargreenx]

It's not night here yet. Trying to get myself home from work. Never listened to bob dylan before but I might have to check him out, Desolation Row sounds nice.

I don't listen to him often but I was in the mood for something melancholic (other than Sinéad O'Connor). I love his song called "Simple twist of fate".

On my floor drinking Jack and Dr Pepper. Just kinda existing.

My god, that sounds horrible. I was like this after panic attack in the summer.

 

[Wrennie]

Tightly wrapping my extremities in medical gauze so that it cuts off circulation and numbs them to a point where I can't feel the unbearable nerve pain to such an intense degree

 

[Addi_Madd]

Opened myself up to someone who pushed and pushed to come over to my place when I've been resisting because of the filthy untidy state as my depression has lately got on top of me. I warned him and warned him but he said it would be fine. Of course it wasn't. After half an hour he was so disgusted I had to drive him back to his place.

objectively my place is very messy and unclean presently. But it's not totally squalid. He is a neat freak who doesn't like animals (I have cats) who is wealthy and has his house professionally cleaned every week, something that's totally beyond my finances.

He ranted at me about how disgusting it was and "you need to get help" and "if you get your shit together maybe you won't be depressed anymore" as if that isn't something that's occurred to me. I kept begging him to stop and please be kind but he wouldn't and kept saying "You need to hear the brutal truth", without acknowledging that what I needed most in that moment was kindness not brutality, as I'm brutal enough on myself.

i got so distressed amd stressed as I begged him to stop I began punching my head with my fists, which I haven't done in ages. He didn't bat an eye and said I was being childish and pathetic.

He told me to fuck off and went inside. I was too woozy from the hitting to drive and had to call a friend who got an Uber and drove me home and then stayed for a while supporting me (I paid for her Ubers).

this has been a massive wake up call for me that I was getting too attached to this man and he can't and won't support me. He just rants at me when I'm in a very bad headspace thinking that what I need is "the brutal truth", when he doesn't even know me enough to know what that is.

He says he cares about me but doesn't match his words with actions. I can't even tell him when he behaves like that it exacerbates my suicidality because that just leads to more ranting without trying to listen to me or be kind.

 

[Shades of Grey]

Attempting to get my place in quasi-order so there will be less for family to deal with when somebody finds me.

 

[BandAddict]

Sitting in bed thinking today over and fantasizing about taking the steps to CTB.