Venting What am I waiting for?

[NeverEndingPain]

What am I waiting for? Do I think that things will change? Do I think that I will one day just be able to cope better and my depression won't have me bedridden? Am I waiting for someone to care? What the fuck is stopping me? I'm so alone and depressed and just wasting days away with no point in even being alive. I don't even know how to go back to a time where I was able function. WHAT THE FUCK AM I WAITING FOR ?

 

[jodes2]

Give it time, either you'll go into recovery or you'll be more cemented to do CTB, I hope you find peace

 

[drmihilo]

It's only natural... The instinct of self-preservation is a very cunning thing; it makes a person go on, even though there is nowhere else to go. It is irrational, and it can only be defeated by some biological defect or other.

I would have killed myself a long time ago, if I had the necessary resources. But I can't. Something inside me says that I am incapable of committing suicide, despite the rationality of such an act. Is it weakness, is it instinct? I don't know. All I know is that we have no control over our desires.

 

[Lily (Osako)]

It sounds like you're waiting to actually be ready.
You'll know when it's time if it ever is.
I've attempted a few times. I knew I was ready.
I know I'm not 100% ready yet.
I want to be, I want to go so badly.
But I know I will when the time is right.
Wishing you some sort of comfort. Sending you love and hugs.

 

[Zegers]

When you've been dissociated for years, it's a downhill slope from there sometimes, in my case i already know that theres no hope and i have no hope anymore. I'll break free of this deplorable matrix when i'm gone.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand that it's so dreadful being unable to live yet being unable to die. It can be awful being trapped in endless days of suffering with no relief. I also see no point to existing, but of course leaving this life behind is not easy. Best wishes.