Tempstring
Mr
- Jul 23, 2024
- 3
Iv possibly had the worst 5 days of my depression ever, but now feel on the mend.
Context: I have been feeling pretty well now for about a year with no major depressive episode.
Last week I went to the GP about a hearing issue was was given a steroid nasal spray.
I don't blame the GP as I never knew I was allergic to steroid sprays or that I would react like I did.
Within 12 hours of my first does I was angry and extremely frustrated. Then the rumination started up again.
Long story short. With in 48 hours of the first dose I had basically become mute, filled with rage, had lost all hope and was seriously considering suicide. I was told by my wife that I had totally change and she was so worried she had wondered if I needed sectioned. She was right. Had it continued she would have been right to section me.
I have 4 good bye letters currently drafted on my computer, an appointment to do my will next week and had already planned out my method having complete two "dry runs". I also found and joined this site explicity with the intent of find people to open up to but also for support in what I was doing.
In my state of dispare I stopped bothering with the meds and then after another two days off of them began to recover. Having stopped fully I am now back to normally. I looked up the side effects and in 5% of cases these are possible side effects.
I cannot belive how scary it was looking back. I don't want to kill myself and I have reasons to live. But in those days after taking the steroid spray, I was so close to doing something irreversible and if you had asked me at the time I would honestly said it's what I wanted. I think in other circumstance I would not be writing this message.
It's take a few days for me to process what happened.
Not sure what, if anything people will take from this but I needed somewhere to unload all this. Thanks for reading if you did.
Context: I have been feeling pretty well now for about a year with no major depressive episode.
Last week I went to the GP about a hearing issue was was given a steroid nasal spray.
I don't blame the GP as I never knew I was allergic to steroid sprays or that I would react like I did.
Within 12 hours of my first does I was angry and extremely frustrated. Then the rumination started up again.
Long story short. With in 48 hours of the first dose I had basically become mute, filled with rage, had lost all hope and was seriously considering suicide. I was told by my wife that I had totally change and she was so worried she had wondered if I needed sectioned. She was right. Had it continued she would have been right to section me.
I have 4 good bye letters currently drafted on my computer, an appointment to do my will next week and had already planned out my method having complete two "dry runs". I also found and joined this site explicity with the intent of find people to open up to but also for support in what I was doing.
In my state of dispare I stopped bothering with the meds and then after another two days off of them began to recover. Having stopped fully I am now back to normally. I looked up the side effects and in 5% of cases these are possible side effects.
I cannot belive how scary it was looking back. I don't want to kill myself and I have reasons to live. But in those days after taking the steroid spray, I was so close to doing something irreversible and if you had asked me at the time I would honestly said it's what I wanted. I think in other circumstance I would not be writing this message.
It's take a few days for me to process what happened.
Not sure what, if anything people will take from this but I needed somewhere to unload all this. Thanks for reading if you did.
