Venting We're all so young on this forum. It's just so sad.

[dyingalone123]

We're almost all so young on this forum. It's just sad.

For me, it's just sad how a turn of events can change my life forever - turning it into suffering.

Those who are still suffering day by day - I don't know how you do it. My SI are too strong right now.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, life is depressing. We were all perfectly fine not existing until we were forced to live. I see it as a curse to be alive. Everything is determined by chance and luck, and life is very unfair. In my case, the only thing that is sad, is that I am still alive. I should have done it last year. I am living an empty existence. I am just done with it all. I think the worst thing about being young is that I could potentially have many decades left if I do not ctb. I'm only 20. And it is difficult to ctb because of the SI. I wish it was easier to leave. All I want is non existence.

 

[dyingalone123]

Yes, life is depressing. We were all perfectly fine not existing until we were forced to live. I see it as a curse to be alive. Everything is determined by chance and luck, and life is very unfair. In my case, the only thing that is sad, is that I am still alive. I should have done it last year. I am living an empty existence. I am just done with it all. I think the worst thing about being young is that I could potentially have many decades left if I do not ctb. I'm only 20. And it is difficult to ctb because of the SI. I wish it was easier to leave. All I want is non existence.

I agree. I just wish death came knocking on my door in my sleep.

 

[Losteverythingtwice]

We're almost all so young on this forum. It's just sad.

For me, it's just sad how a turn of events can change my life forever - turning it into suffering.

Those who are still suffering day by day - I don't know how you do it. My SI are too strong right now.

22 here. But in real terms a Decade of pain. Rape. Prisons. Abuse. Abject poverty. No hope. Everyone I care about dead or dying. Drug addiction. I gotta go.

 

[GreenTree]

I'm 43. Dread living till 70 or 80. Must be worse for even younger people. I pray for a heart attack. Life just seams too be so cruel.

 

[mjlondon88]

33 there has been ups, but the downs are so bad

 

[summers]

I'm 43. Dread living till 70 or 80. Must be worse for even younger people. I pray for a heart attack. Life just seams too be so cruel.

I'm 40. Age is the reason I'm going to ctb. Still on the same schedule as when I joined here last year. 13 months to go - have to make it count.

One thing I noticed is that time seems to be moving faster as I approach my ctb date. A year ago, it wasn't on my mind as much, but now it feels almost overwhelming, how much I want to do before time runs out.

 

[dyingalone123]

We're almost all so young on this forum. It's just sad.

For me, it's just sad how a turn of events can change my life forever - turning it into suffering.

Those who are still suffering day by day - I don't know how you do it. My SI are too strong right now.

To elaborate on my story -

I thought I had played my cards right in life. My parents weren't the most abusive people in the world. I wasn't tortured or thrown in prison. I had a fiancee that cared before he left me b/c he couldn't deal with my depression. I never did drugs or anything. I just became depressed and anxious, I couldn't sleep well anymore - my joints and muscles started flaring up out of nowhere. I am in pain mentally and physically. I can't get up from bed in the morning without pain.

No one in my family understands.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I'm pretty old, but defo not planning on getting much older…..

To elaborate on my story -

I thought I had played my cards right in life. My parents weren't the most abusive people in the world. I wasn't tortured or thrown in prison. I had a fiancee that cared before he left me b/c he couldn't deal with my depression. I never did drugs or anything. I just became depressed and anxious, I couldn't sleep well anymore - my joints and muscles started flaring up out of nowhere. I am in pain mentally and physically. I can't get up from bed in the morning without pain.

No one in my family understands.

Please, don't take it the wrong way, but maybe he wasn't right for you? If you really care about someone, you try your damn hardest to try to help your loved ones. Idk. It's so complicated. Every situation is very unique, life is incredibly difficult and depression is a bitch….. it's even much harder to live, when there's no one there to support you….

 

[dyingalone123]

I'm pretty old, but defo not planning on getting much older…..

Please, don't take it the wrong way, but maybe he wasn't right for you? If you really care about someone, you try your damn hardest to try to help your loved ones. Idk. It's so complicated. Every situation is very unique, life is incredibly difficult and depression is a bitch….. it's even much harder to live, when there's no one there to support you….

Definitely not the right man. It's so hard to find love again when you're in such physical and mental pain. It's so hard to find someone new to accept you. I wish I had known him well. I didn't know the man I loved. If I had known that he was so cruel, I wouldn't have been with him.

He told me that he regretted dating me once he found I had depression and anxiety. What kind of man says that? I hope he suffers one day and finds compassion.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Definitely not the right man. It's so hard to find love again when you're in such physical and mental pain. It's so hard to find someone new to accept you. I wish I had known him well. I didn't know the man I loved. If I had known that he was so cruel, I wouldn't have been with him.

He told me that he regretted dating me once he found I had depression and anxiety. What kind of man says that? I hope he suffers one day and finds compassion.

Wow. Just wow. He sounds like a complete garbage to me. I'm sorry you wasted your time, love and energy on someone like him. And you're absolutely right. It's so unbelievably hard to meet someone else, someone new, to trust and open up to them, again, to believe they will accept everything you are, again. I believe it's possible, but I also think it's very rare…..
I'm sorry you're suffering from both physical and mental pain. What are you struggling with, if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Ego Sum Medusa]

I'm almost 57 (and new here - I read all the intro. info but didn't see an "introduce yourself" forum, thank gods. I hate those; who remembers what's on them?)

Anyway, I'm 57 (almost) and I feel it, what you're all saying about suffering young and I'm feeling for you in it. I could hit you with some platitudes about, "hang in there... it gets easier," but you know. Life is freaking hard and frequently massively painful.

I'm so glad to be here because it comforts me to at least be able to talk about killing myself. I probably won't because I can't because there are people it would destroy. Which kinda pisses me off, in a way. I have to stay here for them; my love for them takes my choice away and forces me not only to not end my life when I want to but to actively try to preserve it (avoiding heart attacks risks, etc.) How F'd up is that?

I hope I'm not putting this in the wrong place or derailing OP's original intent.

Medusa

 

[dyingalone123]

Wow. Just wow. He sounds like a complete garbage to me. I'm sorry you wasted your time, love and energy on someone like him. And you're absolutely right. It's so unbelievably hard to meet someone else, someone new, to trust and open up to them, again, to believe they will accept everything you are, again. I believe it's possible, but I also think it's very rare…..
I'm sorry you're suffering from both physical and mental pain. What are you struggling with, if you don't mind me asking?

Thank you my dear!! I'm suffering from very bad joint and muscle pain - doctor's can't help me. It happened after I got depression and anxiety, then I couldn't sleep well for many days. Now, I sleep but it doesn't feel like sleep. I don't know how I can continue living - when the world opens up soon, it'll be hard for me to go travel to work. Without any good sleep, my brain feels like it cannot function. For now, thankfully, I can hide working from home.

Going on disability in the US is very difficult - almost impossible. I have no one else to rely on but my old parents. They rely on me for financial support too. The only man I loved - I thought I could rely on him but no.

I'm almost 57 (and new here - I read all the intro. info but didn't see an "introduce yourself" forum, thank gods. I hate those; who remembers what's on them?)

Anyway, I'm 57 (almost) and I feel it, what you're all saying about suffering young and I'm feeling for you in it. I could hit you with some platitudes about, "hang in there... it gets easier," but you know. Life is freaking hard and frequently massively painful.

I'm so glad to be here because it comforts me to at least be able to talk about killing myself. I probably won't because I can't because there are people it would destroy. Which kinda pisses me off, in a way. I have to stay here for them; my love for them takes my choice away and forces me not only to not end my life when I want to but to actively try to preserve it (avoiding heart attacks risks, etc.) How F'd up is that?

I hope I'm not putting this in the wrong place or derailing OP's original intent.

Medusa

I agree. It's the only safe space where I can express my thoughts. Ironically, this place has prolonged my life - all these methods, yes I want to die but I'm also scared. I wish I could make it far like you did in life! I never expected myself to physically and mentally decline so fast. It happened so fast.

Just goes to show you depression/anxiety/insomnia/physical pain doesn't discriminate anyone - the young and old, the poor and the rich, the haves and have nots. I only wish I have the courage one day to CTB.

 

[Ego Sum Medusa]

Thank you my dear!! I'm suffering from very bad joint and muscle pain - doctor's can't help me. It happened after I got depression and anxiety, then I couldn't sleep well for many days. Now, I sleep but it doesn't feel like sleep. I don't know how I can continue living - when the world opens up soon, it'll be hard for me to go travel to work. Without any good sleep, my brain feels like it cannot function. For now, thankfully, I can hide working from home.

Going on disability in the US is very difficult - almost impossible. I have no one else to rely on but my old parents. They rely on me for financial support too. The only man I loved - I thought I could rely on him but no.

I agree. It's the only safe space where I can express my thoughts. Ironically, this place has prolonged my life - all these methods, yes I want to die but I'm also scared. I wish I could make it far like you did in life! I never expected myself to physically and mentally decline so fast. It happened so fast.

Just goes to show you depression/anxiety/insomnia/physical pain doesn't discriminate anyone - the young and old, the poor and the rich, the haves and have nots. I only wish I have the courage one day to CTB.

Thank you my dear!! I'm suffering from very bad joint and muscle pain - doctor's can't help me. It happened after I got depression and anxiety, then I couldn't sleep well for many days. Now, I sleep but it doesn't feel like sleep. I don't know how I can continue living - when the world opens up soon, it'll be hard for me to go travel to work. Without any good sleep, my brain feels like it cannot function. For now, thankfully, I can hide working from home.

Going on disability in the US is very difficult - almost impossible. I have no one else to rely on but my old parents. They rely on me for financial support too. The only man I loved - I thought I could rely on him but no.

I agree. It's the only safe space where I can express my thoughts. Ironically, this place has prolonged my life - all these methods, yes I want to die but I'm also scared. I wish I could make it far like you did in life! I never expected myself to physically and mentally decline so fast. It happened so fast.

Just goes to show you depression/anxiety/insomnia/physical pain doesn't discriminate anyone - the young and old, the poor and the rich, the haves and have nots. I only wish I have the courage one day to CTB.

I can understand how being here has kept you alive because it seems to act, in a way, like a pressure valve release; just enough to take a breath.

I find comfort in designing my funeral (cremation) and, most especially, my funeral dress. I sew and plan on hand-making my funeral dress. Why should someone else pick from my closet what I'm going to leave this world in? I will decide and design that, thank you. :) Anyway, I find the pursuit comforting.

 

[agate]

Not me , I'm probably one of the oldest on the forum (49).
I feel sad for anyone under 30 on here, or any age for that matter! Especially kids I hope there's no kids on here
None of us should be wishing for death , when I suspect many would want to live but not under their current circumstances

I'm 43. Dread living till 70 or 80. Must be worse for even younger people. I pray for a heart attack. Life just seams too be so cruel.

I can relate. I'm 49, but I've felt what you're feeling from about 35. People age till very old age in my family , both sides (90+). So I dread and worry , if I don't kill myself, imagine living till over 100!!

I feel I messed this thread up, sorry. I should start one for us oldies

22 here. But in real terms a Decade of pain. Rape. Prisons. Abuse. Abject poverty. No hope. Everyone I care about dead or dying. Drug addiction. I gotta go.

Where do you live? Maybe I can help ?

 

[Hurt]

I'm almost 30 and I consider I experienced life enough. Yes, I am a young adult but I've had enough of live. It was good but not anymore. Things change.

 

[Ego Sum Medusa]

So this makes me what... the oldest member here? - I don't mind that, actually. I am in my Crone phase of life. I'll be the sage crone.
Now if I just had some sage advice...

 

[Cherry Crumpet]

37 here. Not super old but certainly not young.

 

[ShatteredReality]

So this makes me what... the oldest member here?

Guessing that may be @whywere. Fighting sioux was in his 70s I think. He got to go out the way everyone wants to.

(I have recent join date but have been lurking and reading a lot of the stuff here.)

 

[AntHydra]

I'm young. I hope I don't grow older in the manner I am growing older now. I see people my age loving their lives, it's the best time they've had yet. And I cry, and cry, and cry, and I lie in bed usefully, and think about ctb and make my pathetic attempts. I kind of always knew my life would end by my own hands, but getting in a couple sweet years in would have been nice.

 

[dyingalone123]

So this makes me what... the oldest member here? - I don't mind that, actually. I am in my Crone phase of life. I'll be the sage crone.
Now if I just had some sage advice...

LOL I think I saw someone who is 65 around here so you're certainly not the oldest.

 

[Green Destiny]

The fact that so many young people have come to SS is a grand testament to how utterly terrible the world is and continues to be. The next generation is supposed to work with THIS??? What a shit obligation to be born into.

 

[whywere]

Hi! I have no idea if I am the "oldest" one on SS or not. Age wise I am 65 but to me age is just a number overall. I have a banged up body from a nasty car crash, but I try to think across the entire age spectrum.

@ShatteredReality thought that I may be the oldest, and he might be right, I have no idea.

@ShatteredReality , WELCOME to SS!!

Everyone have a great weekend.

Walter

 

[strand]

I think my survival instinct is so strong specifically because I'm young. I still think there's a way around my disability thanks to my age. I'm just waiting to be proven wrong, definitely not hoping for that though. Generally, I think the world's just cruel, you have to assert yourself just to be able to survive, let alone live comfortably. Personally, I'm not really built for that.

 

[Ego Sum Medusa]

Guessing that may be @whywere. Fighting sioux was in his 70s I think. He got to go out the way everyone wants to.

(I have recent join date but have been lurking and reading a lot of the stuff here.)

Good for him. I hope it was peaceful and painless.

I'm almost 57 (and new here - I read all the intro. info but didn't see an "introduce yourself" forum, thank gods. I hate those; who remembers what's on them?)

Anyway, I'm 57 (almost) and I feel it, what you're all saying about suffering young and I'm feeling for you in it. I could hit you with some platitudes about, "hang in there... it gets easier," but you know. Life is freaking hard and frequently massively painful.

I'm so glad to be here because it comforts me to at least be able to talk about killing myself. I probably won't because I can't because there are people it would destroy. Which kinda pisses me off, in a way. I have to stay here for them; my love for them takes my choice away and forces me not only to not end my life when I want to but to actively try to preserve it (avoiding heart attacks risks, etc.) How F'd up is that?

I hope I'm not putting this in the wrong place or derailing OP's original intent.

Medusa

Thanks these; you guys are awesome; a comfort; easy company.

Generally, I think the world's just cruel, you have to assert yourself just to be able to survive, let alone live comfortably. Personally, I'm not really built for that.

I can really connect with that. I once read a book (or part of one) or was it a web site? Whatever. The point is that it was, supposedly, specifically designed to help introverts get their blog sites noticed. Basically, the advice was to "get out there," get on social sites, e.g., Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, et al, and network with others. Um... that's what extroverted people do.

Anyway, I get you there as I'm not built for that either and never had been (and we all know how long that is now). Thankfully, there are site that offer jobs to for people who have no, or limited, desire to interact with others.

I go so far as needing something I can do when I can do it rather having set hours. I have a list if your interested.

 

[Mr2005]

It's no place for an old man like me. Best of luck to you all

 

[Ego Sum Medusa]

Wait! Don't go. I'm old too. :) It would be nice to have another person here around my age. (Not that I'm not enjoying the company, because I so completely am. :)

 

[Shadowplay]

I'm not that young, but I was fantasising about CTB when I was 5 or 6.

 

[Ego Sum Medusa]

Wow, that is young. I'm sad for you in your long struggle. I only remember hating myself and life at that age.

Okay, I'm embarrassed to ask this because it's off topic, but I've looked all through the rules and FAQ's again (which I have read) and cannot find the list I swear I saw that explained all the short-hand. What does CBT stand for. Or, better, would someone be kind enough to direct me to the list that explains abbreviations, please?

 

[Shadowplay]

Wow, that is young. I'm sad for you in your long struggle. I only remember hating myself and life at that age.

Okay, I'm embarrassed to ask this because it's off topic, but I've looked all through the rules and FAQ's again (which I have read) and cannot find the list I swear I saw that explained all the short-hand. What does CBT stand for. Or, better, would someone be kind enough to direct me to the list that explains abbreviations, please?

Thank you for your kind words (assuming that was addressed to me - excuse me if it wasn't me lol).

CBT = cognitive behavioural therapy or cock and ball torture. Depends who you ask! :-P