Venting Wanting to die but feeling too guilty

[domedune]

I want to die. I want to slowly fade while watching my favorite TV show and eating snacks. I'm not able to. I feel too guilty. Not because of family or friends, but because I can use my life to help others. This world is full of selfishness and atrocities and I feel obligated to help those with shittier lives than mine. I think, "Oh yeah? Your life is hard? What about them? What have you done for them? You're going to abandon them while they live in misery, unable to help themselves? You're going to abandon others working towards progress, because you're too sad?"

I guess I'll kill myself when I'm old and starting to slow down. I'll be able to excuse myself then. I can't do anything for anybody if I have dementia.

I wish I lived in a better world so I could kill myself. I guess for some people, living in a better world would make them not want to go. It's the opposite for me. I wish I didn't have a reason to live. Anyone else here relate?

 

[forever21]

Yeah, I feel exactly the same. I was suicidal since 11 and after realizing that I will never be able to build a family, I wanted to focus solely on my career and studied medicine to make my life worth it and 'save people'. Because I am antisocial and I have anxiety, possibly also asperger, this backfired and I left after 2 years.
I truly wanted to make the world a better place. I don't think I'm stupid and I live in a 1 world country with free universities, so I guess it's very selfish to do it. But I cannot do it anymore.
How would you like to make the world a better place, what are you interested in?

 

[Flume]

I'm done fighting with this earth. But I respect that you still wish to see change even when at a low like this.

 

[domedune]

How would you like to make the world a better place, what are you interested in?

I don't want to talk about rn

 

[forever21]

I don't want to talk about rn

Alright, sorry didn't meant to pressure you.

 

[domedune]

Alright, sorry didn't meant to pressure you.

It's ok I don't feel pressured