Want to CTB but Scared of Injury

[SyrupWaffles]

Does anyone else feel this way?
I want nothing more than to CTB. I could go out and buy a gun anytime I want, but I don't because I'm too afraid to survive with injury, or crippled, with large medical bills and chronic pain or neurological disability or something like that, ending up in a care home. Is anyone else in the same situation? Anyone relate?

 

[whywere]

I have 24/7 horrible chronic pain from a car accident. Car accident NOT MY FAULT, as I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Having pain all the time, waking up during the night and having to walk to try and calm it down, it is no fun ever, and there is no technology yet that can help me, as my CNS (central nervous system) is trashed.

Folks on here, sometimes mention different ctb methods or lack of, and I always think about me AND I have seen folks with organ damage laying in a bed in a hospice setting on heavy pain drugs waiting to die from organ damage, HELL ON EARTH.

I have also seen folks in a hospice setting in a wheelchair, looking out a picture window drooling with horrible brain damage.

I am NOT pro-life, nor pro-ctb, pro-choice, I just want folks to think about what could happen and the dire consequences of it all.

Walter

 

[throbinhood]

Yes ,I feel like that regarding it a lot.like I know I could just skip all the drudgery of life ,but what if something goes wrong and I have to continue living life AND be extremely dependent. It's scary. I don't like thinking about all the stuff that could go wrong.

 

[Disabledfromjump7]

Does anyone else feel this way?
I want nothing more than to CTB. I could go out and buy a gun anytime I want, but I don't because I'm too afraid to survive with injury, or crippled, with large medical bills and chronic pain or neurological disability or something like that, ending up in a care home. Is anyone else in the same situation? Anyone relate?

I am disabled from jumping. I understand.

 

[SyrupWaffles]

I am disabled from jumping. I understand.

What are your injuries / disability now, if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Disabledfromjump7]

What are your injuries / disability now, if you don't mind me asking?

I've attached the photos. I have a paralyzed nerve in my right foot/leg and I have a L4 L5 level injury to my spine where I cannot stand or walk very long.

I use a wheelchair, can and walker to do tasks now. I can't walk over 70ft without my feet going numb from the nerve damage .
I busted my bladder and so now I won't dare do a day without a depends pull up as I'm terrified I can't make it trying to get to the restroom.

It messed me up terribly.

 

[SyrupWaffles]

I've attached the photos. I have a paralyzed nerve in my right foot/leg and I have a L4 L5 level injury to my spine where I cannot stand or walk very long.

I use a wheelchair, can and walker to do tasks now. I can't walk over 70ft without my feet going numb from the nerve damage .
I busted my bladder and so now I won't dare do a day without a depends pull up as I'm terrified I can't make it trying to get to the restroom.

It messed me up terribly.

I'm very sorry to hear that. Thank you for sharing

 

[Disabledfromjump7]

I'm very sorry to hear that. Thank you for sharing

I've had 13 surgeries and I will never be the same. It's like they taped me together…
I wish I had never done this or I had died. I was in psychosis from sleep deprivation.

 

[SyrupWaffles]

I've had 13 surgeries and I will never be the same. It's like they taped me together…
I wish I had never done this or I had died. I was in psychosis from sleep deprivation.

It's exactly that sort of thing that prevents me from attempting to CTB. I never want to risk going through something like that.

Was it painful?

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

When I was interested in obtaining a gun to CTB (and I went to great lengths to do so), I was scared of the same thing. Before changing my mind about that method, I was thinking about a failsafe: doing it over water so I'd drown & quickly bleed out if the shot wasn't immediately fatal.

 

[Disabledfromjump7]

It's exactly that sort of thing that prevents me from attempting to CTB. I never want to risk going through something like that.

Was it painful?

I was on a ton of drugs in the hospital so I never felt it but I am in daily pain now as a consequence. They have opioid laws everywhere in USA so I am on no pain killers and to be honest ….in pain now.

It feels like I'm in a vise. Leg, back and spine feels restricted like it looks.

It is not a feeling I'd wish one anyone.

When I was interested in obtaining a gun to CTB (and I went to great lengths to do so), I was scared of the same thing. Before changing my mind about that method, I was thinking about a failsafe: doing it over water so I'd drown & quickly bleed out if the shot wasn't immediately fatal.

A college ex died in 2025 from a gun. There was a huge (8 chapter) write up on his death as he was a Scientologist and left a large document to be published. He used a 45 and we found a practice "book" under his bed.
I still don't know how he was able to shoot himself in his temple. He died instantly but if he had not it would have been horrific to exist with what damage he had done. :(

 

[SyrupWaffles]

I was on a ton of drugs in the hospital so I never felt it but I am in daily pain now as a consequence. They have opioid laws everywhere in USA so I am on no pain killers and to be honest ….in pain now.

It feels like I'm in a vise. Leg, back and spine feels restricted like it looks.

It is not a feeling I'd wish one anyone.

A college ex died in 2025 from a gun. There was a huge (8 chapter) write up on his death as he was a Scientologist and left a large document to be published. He used a 45 and we found a practice "book" under his bed.
I still don't know how he was able to shoot himself in his temple. He died instantly but if he had not it would have been horrific to exist with what damage he had done. :(

Are you able to live on your own? What does that look like? Are you able to work?

 

[Disabledfromjump7]

Are you able to live on your own? Do you live in a care home? Or with parents?

My husband has stayed with me. Without him I would be in a care home. I have ruined his life but he doesn't tell me this. I just see it. :(

 

[SyrupWaffles]

My husband has stayed with me. Without him I would be in a care home. I have ruined his life but he doesn't tell me this. I just see it. :(

Well I wish you the best. Your situation does not sound easy. Peace be with you

 

[pk@2001]

My husband has stayed with me. Without him I would be in a care home. I have ruined his life but he doesn't tell me this. I just see it. :(

It's sad listening to the mess you're in. Hopefully, you're not alone and you have someone around to..

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand, it's just so horrific how trying to cease existing can go wrong and lead to way worse torture and agony in this terrible, dreadful existence where there is no limit as to how much one can be tortured.

To me it's criminal how humans make it inaccessible to die peacefully in a way that is guaranteed with no more pain and no more suffering, I always suffer so much from existing in this terrible, horrible world where I cannot just die in peace and never suffer again. All I want is to be free from this torturous, futile existence that just causes all this dreadful suffering that to me was always a mistake in the first place.

 

[Disabledfromjump7]

Does anyone else feel this way?
I want nothing more than to CTB. I could go out and buy a gun anytime I want, but I don't because I'm too afraid to survive with injury, or crippled, with large medical bills and chronic pain or neurological disability or something like that, ending up in a care home. Is anyone else in the same situation? Anyone relate?

You are thinking correct.

I was in psychosis and didn't realize I could live. I would be in a care home without my husband helping me.