Want out

[ClairyFairy]

I have just heard news that I'm having a new therapy start tomorrow for childhood trauma. It's clearly been fast tracked through because usually it takes months and this took the weekend. I'm scared. Part of me is afraid of being better because what if I'm not up to just being normal and doing normal things. I'm really impulsive. I'm being heavily guarded so drinking or anything like that is not an option. I just have an inate fear that I'm just not good enough at being a person. I thought I'd be dead now but clearly I have other plans been made for me. I'm scared of getting better but I'm scared I'm too much of a lost cause as well. Sorry that I'm rambling but this has really thrown me

 

[ClairyFairy]

Everything is happening so quick my brain can't put it in order. In the last 5 days I've failed hanging, the police have been and took my sn , I dodged a bullet by not going to hospital but I'm being watched and hounded by my mum and social care and somehow I'm starting therapy tomorrow. My brain feels baffled by it all. I feel like a rabbit in the headlights. I wasn't ready for them to help me do quickly. I feel like I'm freaking out