Waiting to escape

[Kennish]

Hello everybody

So right now I'm in the process of getting AE for future N escape. Gonna try out the different combos and see what effect it will have on me.

I'm gonna have to spend some time saving up for N, and in the meantime I'm just trying to deal with what people call "life".

The last couple of days I've been thinking about if I can really go through with it when I have all preparations in order. I hate it here, and always have, but then again there's this little thought in my head that's "afraid" of what comes after. And also afraid of how I may feel during the escape plan. How my thoughts and feelings are gonna be. Will I be scared to do it, will I regret it when I have swallowed the N? And so on..

Also I'm thinking alot about if I should write a goodbye letter, and making wishes like getting my poetry published, and what kind of music I want at my funeral.

I'm also thinking about what people will say when I'm gone. Family, friends and so on. Like maybe, will they hate me for it or what will people around me think and say?

Are there any other here on SS with similar thoughts?

Best
K

 

[Seafoam]

I'm worried about what my family would think too. But I'm honestly too worn out at this point for it to really stop me. I hope they won't hate us for doing what makes the most sense to us.

As for funeral planning I have no idea where to even start.

 

[FuneralCry]

I am looking forward to being free from existence. I am tired of living.
In my case, I plan to write notes to try and give those left behind some closure and I do not want a funeral. I do wonder what people would say, but it is none of my concern as by that point I will no longer alive.
I'm not afraid of what comes after as I think there is nothing and that thought comforts me. I understand it is difficult to ctb as we are programmed to survive after all. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Kennish]

I'm worried about what my family would think too. But I'm honestly too worn out at this point for it to really stop me. I hope they won't hate us for doing what makes the most sense to us.

As for funeral planning I have no idea where to even start.

Hah, I'm also kind of idea-less of what funeral plans. Do I want to be cremated or buried? Non personal or personal grave? Or just have my ashes scattered in the sea? But I really thought of what music to be played.

Because in Denmark if you have no wishes it's usually the same rubbish as always.

I am looking forward to being free from existence. I am tired of living.
In my case, I plan to write notes to try and give those left behind some closure and I do not want a funeral. I do wonder what people would say, but it is none of my concern as by that point I will no longer alive.
I'm not afraid of what comes after as I think there is nothing and that thought comforts me. I understand it is difficult to ctb as we are programmed to survive after all. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

I'm also tired of living. I sometimes wonder why the fuck are we here? If we are suffering? I've suffered my whole life. It doesn't make any sense..

I previously thought of reincarnation as my belief, but now when I'm serious about escaping, I don't know what to think. If it's reincarnation, total nothingness or maybe you get to choose another planet in the universe?

The thought of the total nothingness kinda scares me. But if I'm reincarnated into a life of suffering again, I would prefer not to be, thank you.

I am looking forward to being free from existence. I am tired of living.
In my case, I plan to write notes to try and give those left behind some closure and I do not want a funeral. I do wonder what people would say, but it is none of my concern as by that point I will no longer alive.
I'm not afraid of what comes after as I think there is nothing and that thought comforts me. I understand it is difficult to ctb as we are programmed to survive after all. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

Regarding the notes, I would have a hard time writing them down. I'm nervous I would be to sad about it. And I'm kinda mad at my parents for instance, so what would I write to them? I really don't know.

This whole escape thing really starts some thoughts about alot of things.

 

[Death is beautiful]

As said @FuneralCry
we shouldn't care what happens after death.
As for the note, I wouldn't leave a note. Maybe they will even think that I died a natural death because my preferred method is also N

By the way, you can ask D to put you a meto along with N

 

[Kennish]

By the way, you can ask D to put you a meto along with N

Is this for me? My contact are sending me the AE

As said @FuneralCry
we shouldn't care what happens after death.
As for the note, I wouldn't leave a note. Maybe they will even think that I died a natural death because my preferred method is also N

By the way, you can ask D to put you a meto along with N

No we shouldn't care, but why are my thoughts troubling me with all this nonsense? I don't think people will think mine is accidental since I've giving expressions that my life is fucked and I don't want to be here anymore.