I got a neuropsych eval done at the beginning of september. i had been waiting for a long time to get that sort of help. i had been waiting for a neuropsych for years, and my insurance had finally allowed it. Even before then, i had been trying to ask for a different type of help for a long as i can remember going into mental health treatment. which is a long time. i think it's been 8 or 9 years of being treated like the only thing wrong with me was depression. that's why i've been eagerly waiting for a neuropsych eval.
i was supposed to have my follow up appointment tomorrow, but the receptionist called me and moved the appointment out another week. something came up, is all i know. i know that's not that too long from now, but i've been waiting, and waiting. i've been so patient waiting for people to figure out what i already know i've been dealing with in my head. I also know that none of what goes on in my head i can treat by myself, or without a professionals help. it's just taken so long for any professional to actually listen to me. ironic, considering that's what a mental professionals main job is.
i'm just so tired. I'm so tired and the fact that my life can be put on hold for any reason these people want makes me feel so hopeless. i'm already hanging on by a thread, dealing with these constant symptoms that affect my life in every possible way. it feels like i'm playing some sort of childish game with people around me. like they don't realize i've been looking for every reason to CTB since i was a child. funny though, because they DO know that. they just so easily forget about everything their patients are waiting for when they clock off.
i've been waiting patiently throughout this whole process, complying with everything that everyone tells me because i know it's the only way that my life can change. but everyone who's taking care of that aspect of myself doesn't seem to understand or care enough to make the process any easier or faster.
i so desperately just want to leave. I won't do that, i'm going to wait another week. but each time this shit happens to me, i feel like i'm one step closer to letting everything in my head fuck me up to it's fullest potential and giving up. cause really, sometimes the only reason i want to CBT is because another person has told me to wait. when they do that, they act like it's so simple.
i was supposed to have my follow up appointment tomorrow, but the receptionist called me and moved the appointment out another week. something came up, is all i know. i know that's not that too long from now, but i've been waiting, and waiting. i've been so patient waiting for people to figure out what i already know i've been dealing with in my head. I also know that none of what goes on in my head i can treat by myself, or without a professionals help. it's just taken so long for any professional to actually listen to me. ironic, considering that's what a mental professionals main job is.
i'm just so tired. I'm so tired and the fact that my life can be put on hold for any reason these people want makes me feel so hopeless. i'm already hanging on by a thread, dealing with these constant symptoms that affect my life in every possible way. it feels like i'm playing some sort of childish game with people around me. like they don't realize i've been looking for every reason to CTB since i was a child. funny though, because they DO know that. they just so easily forget about everything their patients are waiting for when they clock off.
i've been waiting patiently throughout this whole process, complying with everything that everyone tells me because i know it's the only way that my life can change. but everyone who's taking care of that aspect of myself doesn't seem to understand or care enough to make the process any easier or faster.
i so desperately just want to leave. I won't do that, i'm going to wait another week. but each time this shit happens to me, i feel like i'm one step closer to letting everything in my head fuck me up to it's fullest potential and giving up. cause really, sometimes the only reason i want to CBT is because another person has told me to wait. when they do that, they act like it's so simple.
