Venting Vent

[kolski]

Every few months I hit this insufferable wall. I don't know how to explain it other then other then feeling totally and utterly hopeless about my entire existence. It's not necessary about why I'm here. Although I do question that, who doesn't, it's more about everything I've done, and everything I've been through that's leads me holding on the act of suicide. Suicidal ideation isn't new to me. It's been a daily occurrence for years. What kills me is suicidal thoughts- the over whelming urge to jump of a bridge or slit my wrists; to physically destroy myself. It feels sometimes that I'm captive in my own brain- unable to control how I think or act. I'm tired of it, having to keep fighting against what clearly is the inevitable. Why should I fight against something that I can't change? I'm waiting for the right excuse to kill myself now; for the right moment so I don't hurt the people around me as much. But I'm just so exhausted. I hate having to live for people just because they need something for me.

Maybe I'm just tired of being suicidal. Of so many years of living on a knife edge that I can't do it anymore. I'm done.

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I totally know how you feel. I have felt like this for a while. Lately I'm centimeters away from CTB.

I can't muster up the courage to do it yet because there are so many things I need to take care of first. i also want to make sure noone I know finds out.