Venting Vent thread

[The Disqualified]

One of my posts these days got deleted for being too vague I think. So I created this thread to vent if it is all fine.
Don't want to cause problems for the forum. Just want to vent out my suffering and let my thoughts out of my head.

 

[The Disqualified]

1)

Suicide is the only way I am getting out of this one. Suicide is the only way out for me. There is no way I am getting out of this one but suicide. Suicide is the only way I am escaping my suffering.

Suicide truly is the only way I see myself ending my suffering. Suicide is the only way I am getting out of this one. There is no way I am getting out of this one but suicide. Suicide is the only way I am getting out of this one.

I just want to end my suffering. Suicide is the only way to end my suffering once and for all.

 

[The Disqualified]

2)

They are gonna find me out anyday now. I am doomed. Doomed. Anyday now they are going to find me out.
What I did was risky, but I did it anyway, impulsively. But they were nice to me. They saw me as just another one. Just that.
I don't read reality correctly, this is where my problem lies.
I feared they were going to find me out. Like everyone was looking at me, gossiping to each other, talking behind my back, and, at that moment, the truth would finally be revealed. But nothing happened. I really don't see reality correctly. There is something fundamentally broken about my brain. I don't see reality correctly. I don't see things the way other people see it. My brain is ruined from so much trauma. I am not normal. I just want to run away and find peace. I must run away while I can.

 

[The Disqualified]

3)

I really am a horrible failure

 

[The Disqualified]

4)

These days I have been completely overwhelmed. I am paralyzed by fear. They are gonna found me out anyday now.
I cannot do anything.

I thought this time would be different, but it ended up all being the same. I am desperate. I don't know what I'm going to do. I cannot fail this time yet again. I can't. There is no excuse.

I can't believe that happened. And last night was horrible. Last night broke me even further. I didn't even sleep properly. I need to run away while I can.

I feel desperate, as if there is no way out in sight. I am cornered. I need to escape

 

[The Disqualified]

5)

Don't think I'm getting out of this one
I am desperate.
I am cornered by all sides.
Don't think I am escaping. There is no way out in sight. I am at a dead end. There is nowhere to go.
I feel so hurt I just want to retreat into my shell back again. I just want all of this to end. For all of this to end. I need to escape

 

[The Disqualified]

6)

They are gonna find me out anyday now. I am doomed. Tomorrow morning is gonna be horrible.
They are gonna find me out soon. I am doomed. Suicide is the only way I can get out of this. Suicide is the only way to cut my losses while I still can. Suicide is the only way I am getting out of this one.
Suicide is my only way out. Suicide is the only way I am escaping.
I feel fear, anxiety, desperation. I don't feel well at all. I need to flee. I need to kill myself and end this horrible mistake. Suicide is the only way out for me. It always was. All I want tonight is to fall down to the floor, collapse and never wake up anymore. Suicide is the only way out for me.
And to think about what will happen tomorrow. I don't know if I can bear it.
I think about suicide all the time. It is all I think about. There is no other way out for me. It is my only escape left.

 

[The Disqualified]

7)

Dead end