Venting Until It Happens

[Açucarzinho583]

I'm falling in silence,
but you don't hear.
I'm slowly coming undone,
but you don't see.
I'm trying to smile with hollow eyes,
but you don't notice.
I'm begging in silence,
but you don't listen.
I've got a rope around my neck,
but you don't see.
Until it happens.

I'm surrounded by shadows,
but you don't perceive them.
I'm sinking inside,
but still standing — and no one notices.
I've got my finger on the trigger,
but you don't see.
My heart is in ruins,
but you don't notice.
I'm leaving clues along the way,
but no one follows.
I'm here, screaming without sound,
but no one ever hears.
Until it happens.

 

[timechained]

In this life
I once felt hope.
I sometimes still believe in this,
but each moment a little less.
I feel abandoned in my despair,
and it's difficult to repair.
I get broken each day some more,
keeping these emotions in my core.
I find myself hiding behind this smile,
the one that shows my denial.
I have thoughts of lonesomeness,
which no person should possess.
I camouflage this so well;
it feels like I'm in hell.
I hurt on the inside,
trying to push these demons aside.
I want something better,
to not feel all this terror.
I know it can be manageable;
there are things that make life tolerable.
I just cannot find the thrill,
like when I was a child with a one dollar bill.
I remember when dreams were imaginable,
now it feels like I'm undoubtedly fallible.
I wish to find myself soon.
This feels as if I'm trapped in a cocoon.
I would like to hatch,
not be so detached.
I need to end this coldness,
before death leaves me soulless.

D.A.H.. "Searching For My Soul." Family Friend Poems, January 30, 2017. https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/searching-for-my-soul