unlovable

[Necessary Evil]

my boyfriend cheated on me a few months ago, and i decided to stay with him. i caught him planning to meet up with someone else to have sex.

im having a really hard time understanding why he did that to me. he was the reason I felt happy and full of hope. he was the only person id ever loved. for the first time in my life, i felt like i wanted to live, and then i found out he'd done that to me

i cry every night because I hate myself so much for forgiving something like that. every day i read online that cheaters always cheat again, but i'm so afraid of being alone… i'm so afraid of what i might do to myself if i feel alone again… i think about killing myself almost every day. i cut myself cuuz i hate the body im in..

i hate it when people say, "yull find someone better" or "there are plenty of fish in the sea."

i feel like there's something deeply wrong with me and that ill never be loved. im a burden. i don't deserve true love. why did I ever think I was going to be happy...? i was born to suffer. i was born to die.

i keep asking myself why. why. why. what have i done so wrong to have to suffer so much? i really want to die right now im so desperate for an answer

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

You keep saying he did it to you, and while that's kind of true, it's also kind of not. He didn't do it to do it to you. He did it while he happened to be with you, and he would have done it (most likely) regardless of who he was with. It wasn't directed towards you, it's just what lots of (shitty) people do. Some people are addicted to the novelty of a constantly revolving door of new partners, and many are very addicted to the chase. Sometimes people are just like that when they're young (which I'm guessing you both are) and they eventually mature & outgrow that behavior, while others never do. Either way, it's not a reflection of how loveable you are, I'm sure you are completely loveable. But accepting it is a reflection of how unlovable you perceive yourself to be. My wish for you is that you start to love yourself, that you get to the point where you love yourself so much that you would never choose anything but the best for yourself .

 

[ijustdontcare]

Hi!!

First of all, I'm so sorry you're hurting and the one person you trusted betrayed you, Please go get tested for sti's. He may say it was only the one time, but in reality, you can't trust that.

It has nothing to do you with you love, Its a him problem. If you think even by looks, the most beautiful of celebrities get cheated on. Its the cheater. Either they have commitment issues, a sex addiction or they frankly don't care and their needs come first. Its incredibly selfish.

I don't know how old you are, but I'm thinking you're young. First loves and first heartbreaks are difficult. I'm so sorry you feel like there is something wrong with you. There absolutely is not.

That being said, I really do hope you are able to get some counseling. I was not a cutter, but I did punch my thighs to self harm. It feels good in the moment, but then you have the markings. Some can think of it as weakness, I however look at it as an outlet for feelings. I couldn't process them in my head or heart, so I put the pain somewhere else, a reason and something I could see. It is so so hard to stop, but each day you don't SH, is a win.

I wish there was 1 thing I could say to remove all your pain, my heart breaks for you. I'm here to tell you that you are worthy of being loved.

Is there someone who can come over and talk to you?? Even if its just a distraction for now.

 

[Crematoryy]

I hate everyone who has or has ever had boyfriends/girlfriends. I hate even more everyone who shamelessly engages in sex while I am condemned to extreme loneliness. There is no forgiveness for this world, and there is no way to appease my hatred. Ugly people can never be loved; but especially ugly men, without status, will neither have sex nor be loved. How many years have I been in forums lamenting my pain? How many more years will I bear witness to my pain? I hate all people who don't know despair. I hate those who don't need to create characters in their minds to feel false presences; I hate dreaming of the intimacy I could never have while other people have it and act as if it's nothing. I have never been visited in my own home. I wish that all who are visited would die.