Uncertainty

[TheHatedOne]

What's even worse than a decided fate is the uncertainty, the uncertainty of everything. The financial uncertainty, how much longer can you go on regarding this way? what if something inevitable happens? what you will do when you will run out of the saved money you have and can't find any job at all (getting a job would require to completely give up on university too). The other uncertainty is regarding education. Going to fail everything in your minor language you're studying, what to do? Give up and reapply again in the summer? It has its cons, a lot of them. You don't know what to do, you're stuck in the middle and you feel overwhelmed. This choice, that choice. You don't know. You're dizzy from all of this.

I hate this waiting. I can already feel the apocalypse coming in the background. I'm sitting here chill and drinking, but I know that I'm really screwed up in the grand scheme of things. It's only starting. The tsunami wave of shit is slowly, but surely, approaching.

If nothing changes by spring 2022, I'll have to take the desperate approach. Whether I'll be a coward or not. I tend to have nightmares about returning there, I don't want that to happen in reality too. What will pain me the most is leaving behind the person I'm the closest to. I guess that's what happens when you have absolutely no future. As much as i'd like to imagine one, all that comes in my mind is darkness, nothingness.

The song Nothing But Black by Spetsnaz describes my whole life the most at this moment. It's as if it was written for me.

Feel it choke you, the desperation
When you know, there´s no turning back
And you left in a situation
Where your future is nothing but black.

 

[Smart No More]

Put your headphones on ans listen to the Dark side of The Moon by pink floyd. Nice and loud.

You're welcome. :)

 

[Pluto]

This world pretty much assumes that young people have mentoring and financial support from someone like a parent. It is a damn harsh place otherwise.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is an hopeless feeling knowing that things will get worse, I have so much dread for my future. Overall, this life scares me as there is no limit as to how bad things can get and how much we can suffer. It really is horrible being alive, how we were forced here without choice and have all this stress and expectations placed on us. There is no peace in this life, to me there is only peace in death. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.