Venting Unable to feel love

[LossOfWill]

I just can't feel it. Romantic, familial, none of it. It feels like my emotions are a joke since I just get bored of them in the matter of minutes. I think I have alexithymia.

I'm so fucking jealous and tired of seeing happy people in loving relationships. I want that. I just can't feel it. I know there are people who love me but it doesn't matter. It all just feels like one big prank that the world is in on but me. I just want to die and get it over with. I'm crying right now. Please I want to be loved so badly but it doesn't matter!!! I can't feel it!!!!!

 

[Amumu]

I'm sorry you suffer from that, I have the same problem.
It stems from the fact people have always been completely superficial with me, so trying to have true feelings was useless after some time.

 

[rosie93]

I just can't feel it. Romantic, familial, none of it. It feels like my emotions are a joke since I just get bored of them in the matter of minutes. I think I have alexithymia.

I'm so fucking jealous and tired of seeing happy people in loving relationships. I want that. I just can't feel it. I know there are people who love me but it doesn't matter. It all just feels like one big prank that the world is in on but me. I just want to die and get it over with. I'm crying right now. Please I want to be loved so badly but it doesn't matter!!! I can't feel it!!!!!

I have the same problem. In my case, I think it all started in childhood. I felt unloved by my parents and brother/sister. I felt like no one was there for me. Maybe it's because of my parents love/hate relationship.

 

[j0n4th4n]

i think i can relate, especially for family love. my uncle fell into a coma 2 years ago and only recently died. i always worry about looking sad when the topic is brought up- i never cared about him. his death made me realize that i really wouldn't really care about anyone in my life dying, except for my father mother and little sister. i care for them, but i look at things in a really cold way, i feel. my dad provides money, my mother is a maid, my sister is my stress ball. these things can be replaced. i often wonder if i would be sad if they died, and it makes me feel inhuman thinking about it.

friends are worse. i have more than enough people to play iMessage games with, or meet up and play some soccer with, but none of those people were there for me when i ended up under suicide watch after my failed attempt. i should also mention my ex, bless her soul, she tried her hardest for me, but even when she left, i was sad only because i was being left, and not because SHE left.

i might not be able to understand what you're feeling, but i think i can relate to it on some level. it does suck either way. i feel like a shell of a human, not being able to love, or at least thinking i cant.

 

[chocolatebar]

I just can't feel it. Romantic, familial, none of it. It feels like my emotions are a joke since I just get bored of them in the matter of minutes. I think I have alexithymia.

I'm so fucking jealous and tired of seeing happy people in loving relationships. I want that. I just can't feel it. I know there are people who love me but it doesn't matter. It all just feels like one big prank that the world is in on but me. I just want to die and get it over with. I'm crying right now. Please I want to be loved so badly but it doesn't matter!!! I can't feel it!!!!!

Did you feel this way for all your life? Have you tried getting an official diagnosis?

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are going through this, I can imagine it must be painful. I do not feel many emotions at all these days. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Makko]

Lots of people love me but I love nobody. Is it because I'm emotionally stunted, or because everyone is unlovable? I used to take for granted that it was the former but I'm no longer so sure.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

Totally normal feeling for someone unhappy and suicidal. I don't think you need to give yourself a disorder for being disconnected from others.

 

[fox_wannabe]

I feel that, or rather I don't feel that.

 

[stygal]

For me there also only have been rare incidents where I actually thought: damn, this person is important to me. But is that love?

Idk, I never had "butterflies" or was mad when anybody left me (besides being mad at myself for not making it last).

It's like I'm sitting behind a glass wall that is unbreakable and constantly separates me from other people - even those close to me.

But unlike you OP (I'm very sorry for your situation) I handle it rather well. At least 99.9 % of the time.

It's probably some kind of trauma response (for me) but at least not painful.

Anyways, hugs to you.