Aphid
Rotting Failure.
- Apr 30, 2026
- 102
As the title says, I attempted twice yesterday. I attempted once standing, the other sitting. I found my sweet spot I believe, as there was no pain the second time. Since I was on the floor and slowly losing consciousness it was really relatively peaceful and relaxing. I had a loud fan next to me and slowly stopped hearing it, I stopped feeling, hearing, tasting, all my senses slowly closed off one by one. it was so peaceful. as something I chose to claim for me as a method I wouldn't try again, it was actually really nice. Truly I am surprised.
It possibly has to do with position, and finding my sweet spot. I was hanging from my doorknob rather than hanging from up above like usual. I placed the rope right below the Adam's Apple right where it could constrict the carotid but not the wind pipe. I slowly applied pressure and then let myself go limp, I closed my eyes, it was like just falling asleep. My ears were ringing, my head was pounding, but no pain, no suffering, just static white noise coming To take me, like an effective hug. it was really nice and comforting. Probably the most comfortable I've felt during an attempt so far.
I had to stop myself the second time because I was truly going to do it this time. Instead id really like to write some notes and do a will. I'll probably clean my room and give away my things first, and prepare some stuff beforehand. Ill spent time with the people I've loved, and the people who love me, and then I'll hold my breath and let the darkness take me. And then maybe with this, all the suffering I've caused will be undid.
Love you all,
Aphid
It possibly has to do with position, and finding my sweet spot. I was hanging from my doorknob rather than hanging from up above like usual. I placed the rope right below the Adam's Apple right where it could constrict the carotid but not the wind pipe. I slowly applied pressure and then let myself go limp, I closed my eyes, it was like just falling asleep. My ears were ringing, my head was pounding, but no pain, no suffering, just static white noise coming To take me, like an effective hug. it was really nice and comforting. Probably the most comfortable I've felt during an attempt so far.
I had to stop myself the second time because I was truly going to do it this time. Instead id really like to write some notes and do a will. I'll probably clean my room and give away my things first, and prepare some stuff beforehand. Ill spent time with the people I've loved, and the people who love me, and then I'll hold my breath and let the darkness take me. And then maybe with this, all the suffering I've caused will be undid.
Love you all,
Aphid
