Venting Trust.

[flightlessbutterfly]

Even the most minuscule of trust I give to people, adults especially, they always betray that trust. Constantly. I once thought you someone I can trust, at least a little. Not anymore. I can't trust you with my secrets, with me, with my circumstances, with my life.

I will never tell you anything again. I will never tell you about me. I will never tell you my struggles or difficulties and I will never reveal even the smallest raw, unfiltered, unmasked, unflinchingly me again. I can't trust you not to hurt me again. I cannot.

There is only one person I can truly trust, but even I am aware that is not a fully healthy relationship. I'm almost obsessive, I crave too much validation from him. He sees me as his dead child. It's not fucking healthy but it's what we'e got. Even typing it out sounds fucking obtuse.

Trusting is so hard already, I've got enough trust issues. Trusting people is the worst decision I've made in my life, I keep telling myself to keep going—I want to try a little longer and try to find contentment in my fucked up life, I want to learn to be happy because I've never felt truly happy before. But it's getting harder day by day to commit to that.