Venting Tried texting the suicide prevention, worked as well as you expected it too

[princeseadove]

To be honest I'm not sure what I was expecting. It's been two days since thay conversation and quite frankly I'm just upset. I can't text or call 988 because I don't have an American phone number, but I can turn on my VPN and properly chat. I tried chatting cuz, I wanted to see at least my options if I do want to recover, and needless to say it's really the same as I had thought. The first person who I talked to was actually really pleasant and I liked him but I got disconnected. The second person, was not. Just cut to the chase and whatever. The bulk of the conversation was her just asking me questions and not listening. At some point she did allow me to speak, and right after deadass sent me this questionnaire on like, my age gender and who did I hear 988 from and was somebody in my family in the military as if that fucking matters. I told her if she seriously gave me a demographic questionnaire but she didn't say anything. She told me there was nothing she could do asked what I was going to do, and I said drugs and then just ended the chat. I don't know what I was expecting. That teeny tiny part in my mind I think I was having hope that I would be able to talk to someone finally or that I can just. Find proper help. But yknow, I hardly ever have a good experience in any of this kinda shit and I don't think it's even possible. If you try and try and try and try and try and try. At some point, it's normal to just give up. I should really thank her, for making me realize how hopeless it really is for me. I don't have the money or anything for therapy or medication, so it's like I would be able to seek help. I can't even create a safety plan I don't have anything. I am totally alone and isolated and too difficult to help. That first conversation probably would have ended the same way anyways. There's nothing anyone can do. I can't fix myself alone.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Sorry to hear that

Listening is an art...

My last experience with hotlines came to the grand conclusion maybe I could hit a paper box. (Because surely that would help with not feeling heard and feeling abused by medical staff.)

I've fought for mental help for 2 years and ended up doing a safety plan "alone" with chatgpt and it was a hell of a lot better than anything the therapists came up with.

Maybe if you're serious about making a safety plan, and help isn't help, try claude or chatgpt?
I'm sorry if you weren't looking for ideas though! Don't mean to overstep!

 

[princeseadove]

Sorry to hear that

Listening is an art...

My last experience with hotlines came to the grand conclusion maybe I could hit a paper box. (Because surely that would help with not feeling heard and feeling abused by medical staff.)

I've fought for mental help for 2 years and ended up doing a safety plan "alone" with chatgpt and it was a hell of a lot better than anything the therapists came up with.

Maybe if you're serious about making a safety plan, and help isn't help, try claude or chatgpt?
I'm sorry if you weren't looking for ideas though! Don't mean to overstep!

It's fine, I'm not looking to make a safety plan tho, I have tried at least 5 times alresdy haha but thank you thisvis veey kind

 

[Bikishii]

I've called and texted 988 a few times, with mixed results. Some people start off genuinely listening, then ease in the demographic questions, then listen and talk with you for an hour, not just patting you on the back and saying "wow, that sounds hard" again and again, a genuine listener. Then I've had people sound like they're an annoyed receptionist and just jump into "ASL? Race? Got a gun?" right from the jump. These days I don't get my hopes up and would prefer to talk to people like you guys on here. 988 has too many people that slept through the crisis counselor training. I'm sorry that you've had shitty experiences with them too. Texting them is always the worst, it takes like five minutes between responses, and even if you call someone (as mentioned) it's a roll of the dice of whether you're gonna get someone who actually knows somewhat what they're doing.

If it makes you feel any better, one time when I was fed up with 988, I called a suicide hotline in the country where my second language is spoken, and this old fart on the phone said "uhh.... okay.... why are you calling here if you're in America?" and then let me prattle on a bit and then said "okay... well, uh, eating chocolate has been shown to help release feel-good chemicals like dopamine. You should try eating some chocolate! If you don't feel better, then you should go to the hospital. Ta-ta!" and that response was just so ridiculous that I busted up laughing and his god-awful advice kept me alive that night, just not the way he intended.

Anyways, if 988 continues to prove to be useless, I hope you're able to find solace in talking to someone on here, or even just posting/starting a thread like this. If you feel like opening up, I'm sure you'll find someone who truly understands, someone who can say more than "yeah i feel u" ad infinitum and actually engages and shows that they're listening and understanding. Either way, I hope that you making this post brought you some degree of relief, whether that be getting a weight off your chest, a digital "yelling session", whatever. I just hope you're feeling a bit better by writing this and putting it out there for yourself and for us.

~~~~~~~~~~

Sorry to hear that

Listening is an art...

My last experience with hotlines came to the grand conclusion maybe I could hit a paper box. (Because surely that would help with not feeling heard and feeling abused by medical staff.)

I've fought for mental help for 2 years and ended up doing a safety plan "alone" with chatgpt and it was a hell of a lot better than anything the therapists came up with.

Maybe if you're serious about making a safety plan, and help isn't help, try claude or chatgpt?
I'm sorry if you weren't looking for ideas though! Don't mean to overstep!

I think this is useful, but just make sure to triple (or quadruple!) check their sources and what they're saying since AI are taught to avoid saying "I don't know" at all costs to the point that they'll straight up lie and just fabricate things. They have their utility and uses (I'm not great at math, but it sure is and helped me calculate how much CO I'd need to produce in the room I plan on ending my life in) and can be helpful for a wide variety of goals, even ones as dark as ours, but I'd hate to take an AI LLM's advice as gospel truth just to end up with permanent brain damage and wishing I were dead even more than I did before.

A great starting point imo! But just worth making sure it knows what it's talking about and that you know what you're doing.

 

[princeseadove]

I've called and texted 988 a few times, with mixed results. Some people start off genuinely listening, then ease in the demographic questions, then listen and talk with you for an hour, not just patting you on the back and saying "wow, that sounds hard" again and again, a genuine listener. Then I've had people sound like they're an annoyed receptionist and just jump into "ASL? Race? Got a gun?" right from the jump. These days I don't get my hopes up and would prefer to talk to people like you guys on here. 988 has too many people that slept through the crisis counselor training. I'm sorry that you've had shitty experiences with them too. Texting them is always the worst, it takes like five minutes between responses, and even if you call someone (as mentioned) it's a roll of the dice of whether you're gonna get someone who actually knows somewhat what they're doing.

If it makes you feel any better, one time when I was fed up with 988, I called a suicide hotline in the country where my second language is spoken, and this old fart on the phone said "uhh.... okay.... why are you calling here if you're in America?" and then let me prattle on a bit and then said "okay... well, uh, eating chocolate has been shown to help release feel-good chemicals like dopamine. You should try eating some chocolate! If you don't feel better, then you should go to the hospital. Ta-ta!" and that response was just so ridiculous that I busted up laughing and his god-awful advice kept me alive that night, just not the way he intended.

Anyways, if 988 continues to prove to be useless, I hope you're able to find solace in talking to someone on here, or even just posting/starting a thread like this. If you feel like opening up, I'm sure you'll find someone who truly understands, someone who can say more than "yeah i feel u" ad infinitum and actually engages and shows that they're listening and understanding. Either way, I hope that you making this post brought you some degree of relief, whether that be getting a weight off your chest, a digital "yelling session", whatever. I just hope you're feeling a bit better by writing this and putting it out there for yourself and for us.

~~~~~~~~~~



I think this is useful, but just make sure to triple (or quadruple!) check their sources and what they're saying since AI are taught to avoid saying "I don't know" at all costs to the point that they'll straight up lie and just fabricate things. They have their utility and uses (I'm not great at math, but it sure is and helped me calculate how much CO I'd need to produce in the room I plan on ending my life in) and can be helpful for a wide variety of goals, even ones as dark as ours, but I'd hate to take an AI LLM's advice as gospel truth just to end up with permanent brain damage and wishing I were dead even more than I did before.

A great starting point imo! But just worth making sure it knows what it's talking about and that you know what you're doing.

Thank you, this was very kind for you to say.. I know 988 is often really unprofessional but that day I was just tired of being let down. I guess I still am. I don't expect anyone to really understand or listen to me these days, reslly I'm just trying to figure out ways I can levitate my pains before my d-day. It's still several months ahead of me, and still rather uncertain, but I'll find a way to make it work for me. But nevertheless thank you so much.. Youre veey kind!

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I think this is useful, but just make sure to triple (or quadruple!) check their sources and what they're saying since AI are taught to avoid saying "I don't know" at all costs to the point that they'll straight up lie and just fabricate things. They have their utility and uses (I'm not great at math, but it sure is and helped me calculate how much CO I'd need to produce in the room I plan on ending my life in) and can be helpful for a wide variety of goals, even ones as dark as ours, but I'd hate to take an AI LLM's advice as gospel truth just to end up with permanent brain damage and wishing I were dead even more than I did before.

A great starting point imo! But just worth making sure it knows what it's talking about and that you know what you're doing.

Oh I was talking about a safety plan, not suicide plan. Hell no I wouldn't trust ai with a suicide plan without checking at least a dozen times but for a safety plan its proven incredibly useful.
I just wanna make sure that when I go, I go because I planned it. Not because I was overwhelmed and just tried whatever was around to try with


So chocolate huh The irony of that advice getting you through the night..
Weird how that goes. I never tried again after the carton box stuff. Can't stand the idea of another letdown :/

It's fine, I'm not looking to make a safety plan tho, I have tried at least 5 times alresdy haha but thank you thisvis veey kind

All good 5 times is a lot yeah.
It's weird how you grow used to not being listened to. But also not really.

Hope you don't feel that way here

 

[Bikishii]

Oh I was talking about a safety plan, not suicide plan. Hell no I wouldn't trust ai with a suicide plan without checking at least a dozen times but for a safety plan its proven incredibly useful.
I just wanna make sure that when I go, I go because I planned it. Not because I was overwhelmed and just tried whatever was around to try with

Oops my bad haha