Toxic Civility (Is there such a thing as being too civil?)

[Snake of Eden]

Even civility can get used and abused for the wrong reasons. For example, I encountered alot of unnecessary aggression for passing near people by in small spaces like convenience store during the early pandemic. I always viewed rules and regulations as civil and necessary for the most part but there is such a thing as taken it a bit too far when we abandon critical thinking completely and decide to follow the rules without any questioning the real reasons behind them and choose to follow them like we are robots with no regards to special circumstances and our humanity. I would like to learn about other similar experiences and things on the social media that illustrate this phenomena if others like to share

 

[stilldreaming]

I think civility is something quite necessary in the day-to-day, especially for relationships. Though how 'polite' someone or people are perceived to be, in my experience, is often used as a way to dismiss others - depending on how much that person likes them.

So for example, during the civil rights protests, there were the "pearl clutchers" who thought those protesting for civil rights were being so noisy and rude.

I see this today all the time on social media. If someone is part of your crowd, and they are rude / do something terrible - well no worries. But if you don't like them, well then their lack of civility is a sign of just how wrong and terrible they are.

Case in point, Jan 6th. If lefties eg ANTIFA stormed the Capitol, the GOP would lose it. (As it is, Fox News initially tried to claim there were ANTIFA agitators) Seriously can you imagine if BLM protestors knocked over things in the Capitol and posed shirtless there?

But ofc it's not just people on the right. Plenty of people on the left will hear a rude comment from a vegan and go ah HA, see?! ALL VEGANS ARE RUDE.

So I guess, to conclude, it's human nature to look for reasons to condemn or forgive those groups of people we dislike or like, respectively. Civility is one metric we use to do that. How much we care for civility in others depends on how we feel about them.

Sorry those people were rude to you. I'm (overly) sensitive, I sincerely wish rude people would disappear. They just make a tough world that much worse...I honestly think it's everyday rudeness that ruins most people's days (and everyday kindnesses that mean so much). For good or bad, it's the little things that add up.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Sorry those people were rude to you. I'm (overly) sensitive, I sincerely wish rude people would disappear. They just make a tough world that much worse...I honestly think it's everyday rudeness that ruins most people's days (and everyday kindnesses that mean so much). For good or bad, it's the little things that add up.

Thank you for your historical example to illustrate my point further. I feel in my example people were treating me as the aggressor even though I didnt do anything other than pass by them in a narrow store idle and i had a mask on. Like you said I think civility is one metric people use to underhandedly alienate and dehumanise people that they dont like (form of passive aggressive?). Women especially are guilty of doing it often to each other alot in a shading purposes lol but thats another topic of discussion I dont want to get into

 

[stilldreaming]

(form of passive aggressive?). Women especially are guilty of doing it often to each other alot i

Well yes, of course when you're physically weaker you hafta use more 'passive' forms of aggression :P

Also, as for women caring more about manners - in my observation, a lot more women tend to be more into rules and such than men. Look how many women were against female suffrage. Malcolm X said his mother became a Seventh Day Adventist simply because they had so many extra rules.

I think human nature makes a lot of sense when you look at it in terms of evolution. Females are hyper focused (whether subconsciously or not) on doing their best to create what they feel is the safest environment for a baby. In the natural world where everything is chaotic and nothing predictable and routine, obviously then the goal is to remove the chaos. Rules help with that. Thus the admiration and mindless conformity to rules.

In a cave setting, trying to make the world a bit more predictable can be the difference in life and death to a fragile infant I suppose. But in the modern world, it often leads to a lot of annoyance at people who have the leisure to take this desire for order to an extreme that would be impossible without civilization.

Hm was it Vonnegut who had that quote, that our bodies are stone age machines? Put human beings back in the wild, and our behavior will suddenly make sense. But in modern civilization where the greatest dangers are usually in our own minds, there's a lot of unnecessary fear and worry that is expressed as neuroses or bizarre or frankly rude behavior.

(Case in point: in the stone age there wouldn't be a need for a society such as this, because average life expectancy was age 20-25, and child mortality was sky high besides)

 

[Snake of Eden]

I would even argue that allowing protests and counter protests to go on and on about matters that are not reconciled or impossible to achieve any level of solution to mitigate them is a form of destructive civility like what is happening alot these days in the USA. Some metropolitan cities like Portland had alot of damage to its liveability, investment attraction and local business as a result of none-stop protesting among other factors. This is unfortunate side of civility

 

[LastFlowers]

Well, on a smaller scale many of us are required to act "civil" and keep our mouths shut even around those we despise and who should hear more than a mouthful.
(This is especially true when a relative or loved one has a friend or a partner and everybody else in the family suddenly has to kiss their feet and be sweet to this stranger even though they weren't the ones who decided to be a part of that relationship or friendship, even if they can't stand the type of person they are and the individual shits on their values..they have to hold their tongue and "keep the peace"..it breeds hidden resentment, poison..implosion incoming.)
Sometimes civility is imperative, pertinent to the situation and benefits all sides, other times it's just a forceful requirement, a euphemism for the rejection of this quote (possibly paraphrased and with supposedly disputed origin)- "The only thing necessary for evil to triumph, is for good men to do nothing."
And that is essentially what civility can demand of us-Do nothing. Say nothing. Be fake, let the scum be scum just to avoid conflict.
(Vulnerable people are more likely to abide and act civilly, because they know they can't afford to rock the boat, this civility can also help to uphold the harmful status quo and those already in power.)

 

[Snake of Eden]

And that is essentially what civility can demand of us-Do nothing. Say nothing. Be fake, let the scum be scum just to avoid conflict.
(Vulnerable people are more likely to abide and act civilly, because they know they can't afford to rock the boat, this civility can also help to uphold the harmful status quo and those already in power.)

Very well put. Thank you